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*id I make the right choice
writes: Dear Cupid,I have been living with a guy for almost a year and I swore he was the man I was going to marry. In the beginning all I wanted to do was be around hime. We were absolutely inseparable. We worked together and pretty much lived together for the first 4 months of our relationship. In February we decided to get a house. After moving in together everything slowly changed. He is a GC and has many employees under him that managed to stay at our house for weeks at a time as roommated which never bothered me, until he started having a bad temper. The temper wasn't just at me, it was at his friends, his co workers and anyone else that crossed his path when he was in a bad mood. This month his parents came to visit from clear across the US. We all went to dinner, then he accused me of cheating. I was found it comical that we would even think that. After laughing he proceeded to tell me that he hated me. After crying and leaving to go to my dad's house for the night, his mom who was there for the whole fight called to see if I was OK. She told me that all the men in her family have bad tempers and to do what I needed to do. The next day at work, he showed up at my job wanting to know if I was moving out. Needless to say, the conversation was not a good one. After telling me he would make the decision for me and throw all my stuff out front and let the dogs run loose, I went to the house with a moving company and got everything out while his parents were in town. This is not the first time I have seen his temper. I have seen him throw things, kick through doors and say some really mean stuff that you don't say to some one you love. BUT (there is always a but) I do love him and I miss what we had. Did I make the right choice? We still talk and we have spent 2 nights together since this happened. What do I do? I am lost and confused. I really thought he was my MR. RIGHT.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2005): Yes, you made the right choice. Your ex-boyfriend needs anger management therapy and that's just to start. Everyone gets angry but your ex-boyfriend gets way too extreme in a very unhealthy way. It's best to stay away. He has too many underlying issues HE needs to work out if he is to have a successful relationship. I think it's weird that his mother says all men in her family have bad tempers. It's probably because they are all learning to behave that way from each other. And no one wants to take to first step towards change. Yup, you're better off without him. You can do better.
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reader, stella +, writes (7 June 2005):
i thk you av done best thg wish i ad your balls,im living wiv my partner an wen his temper flys he keeps telling me to get out,you can see the hatered,im debatin to leave myself,he acuses me of cheating and i find it funny.i was married 5 yrs ago to different man 4 11yrs,he was violent bad temper,and then i ad the balls to leave i walked and never went bk,started a new life,moved area got new job,then i met my new partner last year an has drained me,and taken all my self esteam,i want it bk i want to be able to do wat you did, but dnt be going spending nites wiv him,you av left you have to be strong,dont let him treat you tis way,even change your job if possible,keep your balls that you had wen you left.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 June 2005):
 Sounds like you dodged a bullet.Marriage doesn't change people. If anything, it gives people licence to become even more like themselves over time. Sourpusses get more sour. Idiots get stupider. Spoilt brats get brattier, etc. In your case, there's every suggestion he would have gotten more violent. Your guy hid his temper well until he'd convinced himself that you were a cheater. Then he went berko, threw you out into the street, embarrassed his own mother and just sort of turned into a complete stranger.Please tell me that you didn't want to marry a guy who could (and would) do that to you whenever he felt like it, for the next 70 years!A man who would kick things, yell names and throw stuff within the first year of a relationship is a man who might easily have graduated to smacking you around because he'd decided you'd "provoked" him. And if you'd had kids, would you really have wanted them to watch their Dad kick their Mum around, and possibly do the same to them?No, hon. You did the right thing following your instincts and getting away from him. Your missing him is perfectly normal. You miss the good times that you (sometimes) had. You miss the company. You miss the routine you'd established. You miss the comfort of an established relationship. Those feelings will eventually fade, particularly when some months have passed and you really stand back and look at this. By then, you'll congratulate yourself on not making an awful mistake staying with him.Take care.
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