A
female
age
41-50,
*indalinda
writes:I have been seeing this shy guy for six dates. I started to like him and he seems to like me too, otherwise he will not ask me out :)We have entered this friend zone. I like his intelligence, some sense of humor, quietness, and like me, he is a also introverted. But physically, he is tall, which I like. But he has a huge belly. I am always health conscious and doing exercises such as running to stay physically fit. I asked him how often he exercises, it seems that he never exercises. This is a big turn off for me. I am not sure if I can have a romantic relationship with someone who does not take care of his body. He breathes really hard even walking up the stairs for three stories. I am trying to get him into running. I think regular running is the best way to get rid of belly fat, as I heard many times by other people. I asked him to run with me sometime very casually once, he said he cant run even for a quarter of mile :(I myself, actually can not run a quarter of mile a few months ago. It is not as hard, just need to start and get running shoes. Any idea how to get him into running? I do not want to suggest too obviously that he might think his huge belly is bothering me, since introverted people tends to be sensitive.
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female
reader, lindalinda +, writes (4 October 2011):
lindalinda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you maverick494. your suggestions sounds great. I never though of I can approach it from the childhood dreams! Great tip!We are just friends now and I am not even going to develop a relationship if he turns out not into outdoors at all.I see a great person in him and would like to show him my world. He has been isolated, hangs out with his inferiors only (because his work load is intense and he has no opportunity to get to know other people, I knew him through online service), and sits in front of a computer all day. And at the age of 31, he has never been in a serious relationship before. But he is so kind and so considerate. I came here for help and try to find out creative ways to get him out of his shell. Do not understand why there is something wrong with it. If he is not willing, he is still my friend. If he is willing, great. we might build a great relationship.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 October 2011):
I get what you mean, Linda. To some degree I agree with the "accept him for who he is" and "don't force a person to change for you" stuff, but to me, being overweight and unhealthy, unless caused by a medical condition he can't help, isn't part of what makes someone who they are--it just (literally) weighs them down and prevents them from doing things that could enrich their life.
That said I'm not implying every human being needs to chase the golden standard set in magazine ads. I'm just saying that if he's living unhealthily and in isolation, a nudge from someone else (you) could be just what he needs. In the end though, it's his decision and if he's against sports then that's that.
Just try and talk to him about hobbies. Maybe quiz him about what he did in high school. He could be one of those guys who did sports in high school but let that fade later on in life. If so, this is the chance for him to get back at it.
Talk to him about childhood dreams, stuff that interests him, etc. You can easily weed out common interests from there. But also be open to something that interests him but not necessarily you. It's a two-way street.
Have fun and be quick to realize when something is working and when it's not and never will.
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A
female
reader, lindalinda +, writes (3 October 2011):
lindalinda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhy you guys are so serious?Friends get friends into new habits and new activities all the time.I just want to find a friend way to see if he can be into activities I am into. And see if we can develop shared interests. That is what i need help with. If he wont be able to have some shared interests, that is OK with me. I will stay as his friend.And it seems that his activities are only involved in 5miles radius around his work. His home and where he hangs out are with 5miles of his work radius. BUT I think he has a desire to explore new areas and involves in new activities because he bought a jeep the first thing he moved to this city. What is it is someone who loves to go out and have some physically activities but never meet the right people and had the chance?A relationship is like a partnership, I we can meet in the middle ground, awesome, if not, that is a friendship.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 October 2011):
 It would be better to care for this man for who he IS-rather than who he could be.
BE his friend, but it does not sound like he is good romantic potential because his belly is in the way.
Date folks who already have physical fitness in their daily routine.
It would be unfair of you to expect this man to change for you since you are only friends/dating?
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 October 2011):
I have to agree with the other advice given so far. I'm sorry, but this is not a healthy way to start out a relationship. You're just getting to know this guy and already you want to change things about him. Not just minor things, but major behavioral patterns. Going from a sedentary lifestyle where he never exercises to running regularly is a MAJOR change. More troubling yet is that you don't really find him attractive because he "has a huge belly". This is a situation where you simply aren't compatible. Just a question for you to consider - why would you want to continue dating this man? Is it just because he's interested in you and has a good personality? Lasting relationships need to be built on stronger ground. My advice is to move on from this guy seek out someone that shares your passion for running. I lead an active lifestyle myself, as I work out regularly, run, bike, etc. There are a lot of options to meet someone who is as concerned about physical fitness as you are. Are you a member of a gym? I've met women at the gym I belong to. It works particularly well if there are classes you can sign up for. Another option is to join a local running club. Those exist just about everywhere. You can also participate in events like 5k races, or the Warrior Dash (google it if you're unfamiliar). I dated a girl for a couple of months that I met at a 5k I ran locally. Finally, have you tried the website meetup.org? There you can find all sorts of groups to join, and there are groups geared toward outdoor activities. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2011):
 I like being fit but I hate running... I like yoga. He has to find what HE likes and not do it FOR you but for himself.
I agree that if it's not there for you the way he is now, trying to make him what you want this early on is not an option.
Cut bait now....
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A
female
reader, lindalinda +, writes (3 October 2011):
lindalinda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, those are interesting answers. Sound so serious.
I got three of my friends who have no interest in running initially into running.
And myself had no interested in running a year ago. I was the one who always failed in running since high school and I hated it. I know it is good for my health but I just heated it.
One of my friends got me into it.
Why this is a huge deal for dating?
We are just friends now, strictly platonic. Why cant i treat him like my other friends? And see if we can build a friendship first.
If you like someone, you would love to show your world to that person.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 Just because you like running and find it works for you to keep you fit, doesnt mean that it will work for him or that he should join you in this hobby.
You are only dating this man, its not like you are in a relationship and then he put on weight - if you are not attracted to him then dont date him, simple as that. Physical attraction is important, and if you are not attracted to him from the start then there is no hope for this relationship. You cannot begin a relationship by wanting to change the person, you either want him as he is, or not at all. You cannot change people, mould them into someone you want them to be - he has to want to change himself if he is unhappy.
If a person who doesnt exercise is a turn off, then simply dont date people who dont exercise. Dont try and change people, that is totally unfair and harsh when you dont know this man that well. Either accept him the way he is right now, or dont date him at all - they are your only options.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): First of all he can't be a shy person and an introvert as well.
If you want him to do something for you then you need to do something for him. If it's not mutual then there's no point for him to commit to change since you are in the friend-zone with the guy.
Personally I wont change myself for just a friend. Having a big belly doesn't mean I am unhealthy and I might be perfectly happy with myself. If I lost my belly it would not mean that you would see me exclusively. So as a friend you would have to do something I was interested in as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): First of you can't get someone into running if they don't want to do it. Why do assume that you know what is best for him and that he has to change for you. you may be into it, but he isn't and you have no right to force him to do anything. I do agree that it would be best for his health if he did, but he has to do it for the right reasons and for himself, not because you want him to. Do him a huge favor and go find someone who is more physically acceptable to you, and let him find someone who will aceept him for who he is. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and not to have someone try to change them. If you like him for him then accept him for who he is, if you can't be with someone who has a bit of weight on them, go find someone who doesn't have it and stop being so judgemental. I would rather someone be a good person and treats me well, than someone who may be physically a god and treats me like crap. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that he deserves to be accepted for who he is.
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