A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 and have recently been getting out and about hitting the clubs a lot. I've also met a few guys from internet dating sites. This is the first real time in my life that I've been going out a lot, and meeting new men regularly. I'm really enjoying it but yes, sometimes feel a little hollow after a one night stand.I've met a really nice guy who has a lot of desirable qualities. However, I think I'm not ready to settle down yet. I'm enjoying going out and having one night stands, more than those occasional feelings of sadness or rejection when the one night stand is over.The guy knows about all this and at first I called it off because I realise he's interested in settling into a nice relationship. However because he's so nice I agreed to go on a few dates and now we're in this strange limbo where I'm blocking him getting too close, but I've stopped going out as much. I haven't been with anyone else since I met him.What do I do? Shall I call off this very new dating arrangement, so I am free to pursue earthly pleasures with many hot men? How callous is that? I feel like I'm only just getting started having funShould I carry on having fun, or should I settle down with a nice man? Thank you!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): Honestly my dear at your age, you are WAY PAST the 'fun time'. Night Clubs are for college students & desperate people. You're not 18 & neither are you desperate right? There are better places to have fun for a woman your age like, gyms, parks, dance studios, in a sporting team, or a tourist club. I suspect that your true motive for clubbing is to find out if men are still attracted to you. Be realistic. You are a woman & no guy would be seriously interested in a 30 something single woman still clubbing like a young girl. It raises alot ofsuspicions when they see a woman who's still in the club scene at your age. Your credibilty as a woman is on the line here just so you know. The playgrounds' for children not grown-ups.
A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Think twice of what you will decide, only you can know the right answer to your puzzle. Two different roads and you can't travel both! You are not ready to settle down but what if, when you are, you can't find someone decent. What do you think is harder? Finding hot 1-night-stands or finding a decent man (who of course attracts you as a male)? I would suggest, even though you are not ready, that you should check out this nice man, put aside the wild life and focus on a relationship with him. If it doesn’t work out, at least you will not have any regrets later. Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): I think deep inside you are wanting to continue having fun. Sometimes nice men do come along, but its not the right time.
I know for a while there some nice men approached me. They couldve ended up the one I married, but I wasnt ready to settle. I had my fun and now have met the man of my dreams.
Tell this guy you just want to stay friends for now. Tell him you aren't feeling ready for a committed relationship. Don't sleep with him again, as it will just confuse him. But remain friends if he has turned into a good friend. In time, he may still be willing and you will be ready, but for now live in the moment and enjoy your freedom. Don't ever force yourself into something you arent ready for!! Sometimes things happen (like unplanned children) and people adjust in time. But you are given a choice here, and youre a big girl so do what you feel is right :) good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 November 2011):
I think you're better off letting this man go so you can continue to have fun. You know that you're not really ready to settle down, so it's honestly best to continue having fun until you are ready.
Too many people settle down when they're not ready, and it inevitably goes wrong. Don't become one of those people. I'm sure one day you'll be ready to settle, but it doesn't seem like you are at this time, so best to move on.
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A
male
reader, Cultuz  +, writes (20 November 2011):
I only read the first paragraph of your post and I strongly suggest you stop ''hitting the clubs'' aka. 1 night stands as you describe if you ever want to settle down with a nice man..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): Well only you know, but as you said yourself,you haven't been with anyone else since meeting him and you aren't going out as much...SO does this mean you are more inclined to give it a go with him than you admit?
It doesn't mean settling down as such, just dating him,getting to know and seeing where it leads... its not a life sentence,doesn't mean you can't go out and have a life. Just means you have a lovely new boyfriend
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 November 2011):
Well, you have to decide what's more important to you right now. This guy isn't going to hang around forever and if you call it off to pursue your fun and later decide those one night stands aren't what you want to keep doing, he might not be available anymore. That is the risk you're taking.
Basically you have to determine what this man is worth to you. I hear about "nice, with a lot of desirable qualities" but I haven't heard how much you're really into him. The fact you stopped having one night stands does say something though.
Also, you mention the feeling of sadness and rejection after the one night stand. That sounds to me like you're not having as much fun as you tell yourself. People who truly enjoy that kind of thing don't feel sad and rejected afterwards; they see it for what it is: sex, nothing more.
So weigh the two things carefully. I cannot tell you which direction to take. If you want to give it a shot with the man you have to make sure you are really giving it a fair chance. If you cannot do that and want the one-night-stand lifestyle to succeed you really need to find a way to deal with these negative emotions afterwards. Because after a while it's not the fun you'll be remembering, but the hollow feeling.
Another thing that caught my eye is that you've only started this lifestyle recently, at the age of 28. What brought it on?
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