A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My boyfriend and I have known each other for almost a year. He is a very lovely and caring guy. He is also tall, handsome, dark hair, and muscular (ok he's really my type). He just moved from Poland to US when we first met. Since I came from Poland many years before him, I showed him around and eventually we felt in love. He's 25 years old and I'm five years older. All my previous boyfriends are older than me. He's my first younger boyfriend.Just a few weeks ago, we decided to have sex. He confessed to me that he was a virgin. I was not surprised because he was very shy and he had spent years in military before moving here. The first sex we had was so terrible. No foreplay and he finished himself in under five minutes! I thought to myself ok he was new. I'll give him a chance. During the course of two weeks, we had sex three more times. He was improving in term of foreplay but still ejaculated very fast. I was frustrated. I thought he would last longer the second or third time. Guys, how long does it take to make your boys last longer? Maybe I would wait if it's gonna be a month or two. But if it's going to be over a year, I think I want a new boyfriend. Help! Give me some info. I need to know whether I should continue the relationship with him. Thank you.
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female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (24 October 2011):
 I think he should give him more time since he has such wonderful qualities. You also are more experienced so you should help him learn to improve. You know what you like so tell him. The first one will usually come fast. This is something new to him so it feels wonderful to him and he can't control himself. You may not like this suggestion but send him in the bathroom with a towel and lotion and let him get that first one out. Give him a few minutes and hopefully the second one won't come so quickly. Yeah, it may sound disgusting to you but if you want the sex to last longer, it's worth a try!!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 Hey there, yes it's true that the best sex in my life was with a man who was a virgin. He was great from the start, and every time we had sex after that got better. He's by far the best sexual match I've had so far in my life, and yes, it completely surprised me. I've been with two virgins before him and they both sucked in bed. I've been with experienced men who were amazing in bed too, and I've been with experienced men who were bad in bed as well.
So from where I stand, the experience isn't crucial to this, some have a natural talent for it, and others are clueless no matter how much experience they have under their belt.
What made this virgin man so great in bed though, unlike others, was his passion. Me and him were in love, we desired each other, we were crazy about each other. We were kissing and grasping and hugging and couldn't get enough of each other. He'd kiss me all over, his hands were eager to explore. He listened to me, it was the sweetest thing ever, because of his inexperience he would suddenly stop in the middle of the heat and ask me if I was ok, because he heard me moan. He still had to learn what are "good" sounds and what are "bad" sounds from me. But he paid attention. He explored me, he showed an enthusiasm for my body, and he loved my body. He was also so perfectly comfortable in his own skin, no limitations, no concerns or worry, he was completely relax and living in the moment.
And then he just had a natural skill for it. I do not know how he learned it, but he was a virgin. But he knew how to thrust. Slow, deep, just enough. The first time we had sex I was on top to control things, but he picked up on my movements and joined into the same rhythm as me. Then the last part is that he was naturally gifted. His penis matched me perfectly, and felt absolutely amazing inside me. He was just average size, which I want to point out, but the shape of it was perfect for me.
He had however practiced lasting longer, and the first time we had sex I had to stop before he came because he could go on for so long.
But from my own experience I also know that with time, sex gets better. You get to know each others bodies, learn what you like and what turns you on, and learn what you can do together to give more pleasure. And that takes time to learn. I'm sure he'll pick up on things, but you need to give guidance.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (22 October 2011):
Wow, at 3 times a week its going to take you 5 years. I remeber 4 to 6 times a day with my first gf and probably closer to a year before it was really making love. Sounds like you intimidate him, we all have to learn somehow, if you can't be the teacher then better get some books or movies for him.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (22 October 2011):
You really are too impatient. You can't expect him to go from zero experience to WOW in just a few tries. Contrary to what popular myth suggests, men cannot actually read our minds. They do not pick up our most subtle hints. If you want to get something done, take action and show him how to do it. The guy gave his virginity to you. For that alone he deserves a fair chance.
Since he's scoring pretty high in every other department (looks, personality) why be so impatient and dissatisfied now? You're probably broadcasting it in waves, which has got to make it even harder for the guy to please you.
Please start over and be the best teacher you can be. Look at this from another angle: since he has no experience he's a clean slate. There are no irritating old habits from exes, no STD's, etc. He only needs to learn. You are his only point of reference, so invest time and show him how it's done. If you do well he'll be rocking your world in no time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): "During the course of two weeks, we had sex three more times."God, no wonder he comes in 5 minutes or less. At that age I'd have had to have already masturbated twice in a day to last longer than five minutes with a woman. You are starving him to death sexually. He's a virgin, doesn't know what he is doing, doesn't know what you need or want, and needs your to be patient, loving, kind, and unselfish to teach him what he needs to know.If you really like this guy, you need to work on it.Honestly, you don't say whether you are orgasmic with the other partners, but you come across as inexperienced yourself. Partners that are good partners learn from each other what the other person wants, needs, and what works.I agree with an earlier poster, you make sure you orgasm first, then no problem if he comes in 2 minutes, or 15 minutes. Alternatively, you can take control, bring him to orgasm by either intercourse, oral, or hand job, then give him a few minutes to work on you and resume the job till you orgasm, then bring him to orgasm again and if you are interested or able then bring yourself to it again. Not everyone is interested after the initial go round, but honestly many of us are.I disagree with an earlier poster, it is EXPERIENCE that really counts when it comes to most of this, but experience with the specific partner is most important and good experience is key. Bad experience makes the entire thing worse. My wife was extremely experienced sexually, and I was the total reverse, but not orgasmic till she met me and I'd gotten her to open up about sex and life and emotions around sex. Then, she became orgasmic and it was shocking to her when she realized what she'd been missing all those years with those other partners.Total Quality of The Experience...that matters.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): Guys/ladies, thank you very much for giving me useful advice. After the first sex, I've talked to him a bit about foreplay and the speedy ejaculation issues. He has improved in the foreplay department but still has a major problem in the ejaculation department. Coach him? He sure needs a lot of coaching. Even though I like the idea of having him finishes me first before penetration, I would love to have extended orgasm while having him inside me. He's my first uncut boyfriend and also my first uncut intercourse. It was much smoother and gentler compared to my previous cut boyfriends. It felt really great that I wanted him to last longer so bad. In fact, I think I know when he was about to shoot. All muscles in his body tense up/flex just seconds before shooting. Would it be rude to wrap my fingers around the base of his weapon to prevent ejaculation? I was tempting to do it last time but didn't want to upset him. Any ideas?anonymous female, thank you for the "her pleasure" condom and lube tips. I'll try that.anonymous male, you said have him masturbate an hour or two before sex. Are you serious? Why would he want to have sex after masturbating an hour ago??? Anyway I agree with you that it would take time to find our "hot spots". I'll stick with him for a while to see what happen.So_very_confused, if your boyfriend is 13 years younger than you, I guess he would have this premature ejac problem as well. Was he improve over time? How long did it take?Chigirl, you said the best sex you had was with a virgin, really????? Maybe I overlooked something but the only better part that my younger boyfriend offer was smoother/gentler intercourse from his uncut weapon. That was it. His foreplay skills was still unmatched compared to my ex. Which parts of virgin sex is good? Can you educate me a bit here?
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A
female
reader, JuneB  +, writes (21 October 2011):
After your boyfriend ejaculates give him a little time to recover and start again, he wont be as quick the next time. Make things nice and relaxed, explaining the things you'd like him to do to you can be part of the fun. Guide him to touch you in the right places and if he does something you like tell him and encourage him to explore a bit further. The more experience he has the more confident he will become, give him time and enjoy the experience of being the teacher.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 October 2011):
I'm younger than my girlfriend (considerably!). She didn't bother waiting for so called 'improvements'. She made it pretty clear from the start what she liked and what worked for her. We've never had a problem.
You're the one who is more experience here, so take the lead and show him what you like. I promise you, you won't regret it! I've been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years and it's been nothing but fun!.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Does he know that there is room for improvement?
I think rather then telling him he isn't up to par, you SHOW him what you like, want and need.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Just so you know, most men, okay 95 percent of us, ejaculate after 5-15 minutes of penetrative sex. It's simply how the body works, or organs are not designed like that of a woman.
It takes a lot of practice and self-control, and pain resistance to hold back for longer if you aren't gonna just foreplay the majority of time before penetration. In fact holding back is dangerous and can lead to serious injury.
What you need to do is stop thinking about sex so much. If that's all you want out of this to the point that it's an absolute deal-breaker you will only give a month or so to correct... then you are never gonna work out, because that makes you impatient and shallow.
Immediately, I would suggest he masturbate to ejaculation at least 1-2 hours before sex. He will be much less sensitive by that point and much better able to last longer. I would also suggest he train himself by taking longer and longer to masturbate to orgasm, and I would also suggest expanding on other sexual acts before you even come close to penetrative sex. GO down on him until he is close, then switch so he can go down on you until you are close. Then find other erogenous zones for a bit.
You can expand the time by experimenting. Remember sex is pretty awkward in real life. It is ALMOST never as passionate as you see depicted in fiction, not for a good long while. The couple have to spend the time finding out each other's sexual needs, and how to meet them. Find each other's buttons.
Try as many positions you can. Try various numbing condoms. Try viagra. Try it all. The fun is in the finding out and then the absolute awesomeness when you both, for the first time, hit each other's sexual sweet spots and the world moves.
Don't even THINK of dumping him over this yet, if at all. A month is not nearly enough time to sexually map someone.
Just get boning every which way but loose with each other and he will get better and better. Could you be expected to go up against an archery master the first time you pick up a bow and arrow?
-Anon
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 October 2011):
Ok, this isn't related to him being inexperienced or not. Some things you learn, others things you have a natural talent with or natural lack of talent with. If your boyfriend is to last longer and doesn't last longer by default, then you need to take control over the sex. I don't know if you are just laying there expecting him to do all the work, but here's some easy steps on how to go about it: Talk to him. Tell him you want him to last longer. He needs to tell you when he is getting close. When he gets close you slow it down or take a pause, then continue. He also needs to practice lasting longer when he masturbates.
In these pauses you can have other types of stimulation, like using your hands on each other, or performing oral sex. You can use some baby wipes to clean up downstairs if you do not enjoy the taste and smell of yourself (not many people like their own taste).
If you want more foreplay you also need to communicate this. He will not just get it by himself unless you instruct him with your body language. It's not like he humps you and takes you without consent is it? If you don't want to go to intercourse just yet then DON'T. It's all in your hands.
Take charge. Communicate. Tell him what you want. If he's a good sexual partner he will listen and adjust immediately, meaning you will see results right away.
It's got nothing to do with his virginity... so he wont be getting better or change anything unless you actually tell him, this isn't something they naturally learn unless they are already this way by default. If they don't naturally do the things you enjoy then you will have to tell them, no matter of he's a virgin or not.
By the way the best sex I ever had was with a virgin.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Have you talked to HIM about it? Asked him what he thinks he needs? Tell him what YOU need?
With partners that ejaculate quickly I always had oral performed first on me... then he'd get his bj and if he wanted to finish with penetration it was no biggie cause i was done anyway...
You need to talk to him about it and school him...
also 5 years younger is NOTHING... my bf is 13 years younger than I am.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Have him bring you to orgasm BEFORE he penetrates you.That way, you'll be satisfied and it won't matter how quickly he ejaculates.You have to continue teaching him what YOU want. You can't expect him to read your mind or just "figure it out"...it's YOUR responsibility to communicate your sexual desires to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Make sure you coach him. Be very open with him about what you like, where to go and how you want it.. Foreplay and all. He isnt experienced or a mindreader, so its up to you to train him to please you so he in turn can be pleased. Make sure you let him know when something feels good. That will inspire him to be more enthusiastic when he realizes how good he can make you feel. Try using something like her pleasure condoms or lube. These have additives that allow men to go longer by affecting the nerves in the penis. Other than that, just have lots and lots of sex and he will grow his own stamina over time ;) maybe try to stop intercourse occasionally for additional foreplay to make the experience last longer. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, alleycat +, writes (21 October 2011):
Somehow I think most handsome guys aren't good in bed because they don't need to be... (just kidding) As we all know, pre-mature ejaculation in young adults is usually caused by inexperience. From my observation, it is also related to the physical attractiveness of their sexual partners. Men find it more difficult to delay orgasm if they are deeply attracted to their partners. It happens sometimes to my boyfriend when I dressed in sexy lingerie. I don't think you should worry too much. A lot of couples enjoy good sex life even if they aren't sexually match at the beginning of the relationship. It is especially so if your partner becomes sexually active at a rather late stage.
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