A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On another note, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last week after him controlling me for over 2 years. A week before I had began getting closer to my guy friend but I hadn't noticed it 'till I broke up with my boyfriend. It's been a week since my break up and my ex-boyfriend told me that I owed him sex for dumpin him but I told him no. He later told me that it wasn't fair because the least I could do was loose my virginity to him after not having sex with him our entire relationship and since a lot of girls were after him. I feel bad because he waited for me to have sex with him. Should I be feeling bad? Am I a shallow person for doing this?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Sorry male anon, but even if she made a promise, she can't keep this one. First time sex hurts a lot. If she lies down with him it will feel like rape and it will hurt a lot and make her feel dirty and ashamed. You might make such a promise to a man your in love with, but you can't be expected to keep it if your feelings have changed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): If you have made a promise to let him claim your virginity in the inital stages of your courtship, then his demands to some extent are justified. If you don't fulfill your word then you are a promise breaker & cheap lier. I think this is what you did but now you are in a dreadful situation where you either be true to your word & give up your virginity to him or maintain your virginity & be an oath violator. I believe that is what you did & that is why you feel guilty over the whole issue. You don't want to lose your virginity to him & neither do you want to break your promise. If my assumptions are wrong then please OP enlighten us further. Otherwise, you already got the right answer from everyone. YOU OWE HIM SQUAT.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (11 November 2011):
If he waited for you to have sex with him, he can simply wait a bit longer for someone else to come along and oblige him.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 November 2011):
Look, I don't really know what you want from us, OP. You have posted this question before, here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ex-says-i-should-have-sex-with-him.html
You got 21 answers and they're not much different from the ones you've been getting here.
Make a decision. You're a grown up now. You're in charge of your own body. Don't let yourself be turned into this insecure puddle over one guy. The whole point of holding onto your virginity is losing it to a guy who loves you and who will stick with you (for the time being anyway).
This guy is already your EX so having sex with him now the relationship is over is pointless and degrading to yourself. You will hate yourself afterwards and that feeling will be much worse than the guilt trip he's talking you into right now. If he wants sex he can get it from those other girls he said were chasing him, not you. He's pathetic for trying this. Now put your foot down and stand up for yourself! You're not spineless, are you? I didn't think so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Next time he tells you that you "owe" him sex, tell him the only way you'll give it to him is if he can give you the last 2 years of your life back (the 2 years you spent with him). Obviously he can't do that, so you don't have to give him anything lol. Then never talk to him again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 God, no, you aren't shallow. Your ex is just trying to use you and coming up with every excuse in the book.
You don't owe him anything. When you are in a relationship with someone it's a given that you don't cheat, right? Well you didn't cheat on him either, but does that mean HE owes YOU anything? Because it should, by his logic. So you can say "well I didn't cheat on you either, so you owe me 100$".
Your ex is an idiot. A young and stupid skirt-chaser. He just wants to get laid!! And he knows you don't owe him squat, he just wants to get laid, so he's trying whatever he can to get you to sleep with him. I think this also shows where his mind was during your entire relationship, he was focused on sex and just wanted to get laid. So good for you for dumping him!!!
You said he used to control you, well he is STILL trying to control you by trying to get you to bed.
How amazing will you feel if you had your first time with a manipulative ex who just wanted to use you? Great, isn't it?
Use your brain, the answer is NO, a big fat NO, and if he can't respect that then rat him out to someone who can force him to back off, like this new male friend of yours, or your parents, or even the police for harassment.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 You have nothing to feel bad about , and you don't owe him anything. This is so evident and his reasoning so ridicolous, that it sounds like deep down you WANT to let him convince you . Otherwise you'd have already cut any contact with him.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 You're still talking to him? Girl, cut all contact! You have no need to be talking to him, and you shouldn't be his friend either!
He owes you an apology.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2011):
 You don't owe him anything. Tell him to go fly a kite.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 November 2011):
Don't feel bad.. this guy is scum.
In five years time you will feel dirty for ever spending a second of your time talking to him.
He's using emotional blackmail and talking rubbish. Tell him to go to hell, and find a bottle to keep him happy.
He's a piece of crap. Don't talk to him again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 November 2011):
 he should feel bad
he's a shallow loser not you...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 That is among the most ridiculous things I've ever heard in my life. No wonder you dumped him, he sounds like slime. Do not let him manipulate you into doing a single thing. You do not owe him anything for dumping him, you don't owe him anything period. It's a good thing you didn't lose your virginity to him, he clearly didn't truly respect your decision to wait to have sex. I'd block off all forms of communication with this manipulative jerk.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 No need to feel bad whatsoever. Cheerfully and gratefully wave "bye-bye" to Mr. Manipulator and ignore him from now on. He's a loser!
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