A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please give me advice.. I have a boyfriend. He was my friend when i was in junior high school. Now he lives in another city.Two months ago he found me on facebook. We share all. Two weeks ago he said he loves me. And so do i. So we decide to have a relationship.Next week, he will come to my city. We will have our first date.My family is wealthy. While he is poor. . He is working, but i know that his salary is very small. . But we love each other. .And as i said we will do our first date next week. My question is should i pay all the bills? I mean we want to go for dinner and then go to cinema. Should i pay the dinner bill and ticket for cinema?For me, thats not a problem. But i am afraid if he will feel bad or he will take offence at what i do. .I am so confused now. . Please give me advice. .
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male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (4 March 2011):
I agree with abella. Even if he is awesome, you showing him your weath with subtle innocent manners could make him get tempted and interested in your wallet. Make it clear that money is out of the question. Dress normally, jewelry that the average people can afford, be discrete. Do not dress cheaply either, that will make him feel that you did it on purpose if he already knows you are wealthy. Be nice, dont talk about m
A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 You will offend him if you pay for everything. It's important for men to feel like they can provide for their women. Likewise, it important that you know he's willing to support you in any way he can.Considering he's poor, you'll have to appreciate the simple things he can do for you and not have high expectations, (not that I think you do). It'll be a dose of humble pie for you,(not a part of society that you're accustomed to), but it'll be a good for you to see the many different ways you can give to someone that doesn't include money. The cinema isn't the best place to make conversation. So, maybe a picnic with food you made would be best if you want to "pay" and bring a board game...maybe have him bring the drinks and blanket. This way, you'll have lots of quality time together and still be entertained. If you start your date around late noon, then after your game you both can watch the sunset and cuddle. :D
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 March 2011):
 A good rule is to 'start as you mean to go on'If you care about him then it would be more respectful for you to spend your first date at a place/places he can afford. He has invited you. It will not make him feel good, if, on the first date you offer to pay. Making him feel that you don't think he can afford to keep up with your accustomed standard of living. Thereby reminding him that he has less than you, financially.i would be disappointed if he spent beyond his means to take you out. And this relationship could end in tears if he can't afford to take you to places thatare financially out of his league financially.I think a less grand first date might be preferable. Such as a simple daytime walk through botanic gardens where you can talk and get to know each other, face to face, and then a reasonably priced but not hugely expensive cafe.But talk to him sensitively and with empathy. He is likely to be far more comfortable with you, if he is totally genuine, if you are satisfied with simpler first outings together.BUT if he looks to you, for you to ALWAYS pay all or most of the costs for your outings then i would not give him the time of day. For then he would show he was a gold-diggerGo calmly and keep your eyes, brain and ears open.A man reveals most about his intentions towards a woman by his actions, more so than his words aloneBest wishes,Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): He may feel a bit offended if you offer to pay for the date, and may feel your doing this intentionally to show your wealth. Offer to at least pay some towards the bill, or maybe drinks, etc. Make him feel like it is him taking you outGood Luck!xx
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 March 2011):
 It won't hurt to offer, but let him decide. Or possibly suggest he do dinner and you pay for the movie, or visa versa.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (4 March 2011):
 No. Let him pay since it's the first date.
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A
female
reader, funkymonkey123  +, writes (4 March 2011):
you could take your money and get ready to pay but this might make him feel a bit awkward. if he insists let him pay or offer to go halves. if he really loves you he won't be offended that you want to pay, since you are wealthier
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