A
female
age
30-35,
*mjo
writes:So, basically I'm a mess. I've been a bit of a screw up at uni and made some bad decisions for various reasons that I wont go into as we dont have hours! but basically I've got a horrible habit of doing things cos I can, Cos I feel bad if I dont and cos I want to feel something. And in following this pattern I've gotten myself into a bit of a mess.Basically I slept with a boy about 6 months ago now, I was down after just breaking up with someone and well you know how it goes. Then in the new year I ended up sleeping with one of his friends because I was drunk and again down about life, because I could, because I felt I'd be a cock tease if not...and then last night I did things with another of his friends... In the process upsetting someone else :/ who apparently liked me, although I didn't get this because Im oblivious to these things a lot of the time. Anyway, now im getting called things, that I dont particularly want to be called or want to be called and I cant say I like it :| But im afraid I can't make this better? any ideas? URGH! Also any way I can stop myself feeling as though I have to do things? urgh. My head is such a mess! Thanks all.
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Sex should be fun. But it shouldn't hurt anyone. If you feel in control, then awesome.. if you don't, that's another matter.. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your moral position on casual sex.. Personally I say, why not, if your're not hurting anyone (including yourself)? But in your situation, it feels like by sleeping with three mates, you're being a bit risky with their feelings. Watch out, guys can be vicious if they feel like they've been wronged. Especially when it comes to their mates. Hopefully they're totally chill about it, that would be cool for you. But, yeah, you need to try and figure out your motives (being drunk doesn't count, you still usually have a tiny bit of control) for doing these guys, and ask yourself if they're okay by you. Being scared of being a cocktease is one most of us have done, which is annoying, only girls are made to feel like that I swear.. Anyways, cocktease or slag, which would you prefer? Try and figure out why you feel like you have to do things.. It's probably some sort of insecurity about yourself. See how you feel rejecting someone. It could be empowering!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Basically, don't just sleep around - because you're down or whatever reason. It makes you feel ok at the time but either used or a user afterwards. It does your self esteem no good in the long run. It shows you don't have much respect for yourself. You don't have to be a nun - but establish a bit of an ongoing situation before you get intimate. Give boys/men a bit of a wide berth for a bit. Enjoy life but get your sense of self-esteem back. It may take a few months but it will be worth it in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 In order to be happier, you have to change what is not right for you. If your problem is drinking, you have to stop. If your problem is negative attention, then you need to work on being more self confident, (which is taking care of yourself and believing in your capabilities).
You can't make people like you. People like those who are happy with themselves, who have a common interest and who live well. So, the best thing to do is to be true to yourself and do right, then others will follow.
You're on the path of self-discovery. So don't be too hard on yourself. However it's time to be strong willed and learn from your mistakes.
I would put distance between these people you've hurt, they'll be mad for a while. Focus on you and once they see you living a healthier, more productive life they might come around.
...............................
A
female
reader, yomama65 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Oh my! You are taking me WAY BACK to when I was a wild n crazy (and often very foolish) college student! First of all, "sleeping with someone when you're down" may temporarily numb your feelings, but, if you are like me, you end up feeling nothing but shame and emptiness afterward. And, yes, when we are drunk, we often make bad decisions. Lord knows, I have, and still sometimes do. But, ultimately, you need to take responsibility for your own behavior and the consequences. Here the consequences could be that people are talking about you behind your back, or that you could get an STD or unintended pregnancy. Whether you are "down in the dumps" and looking for someone to give you attention or "drunk," I think you are just making excuses for some pretty bad decisions. Sounds like there is some real pain going on underneath and you may want to talk to someone about this before you really get hurt. Perhaps a counselor at the university? Bottom line is, you have to take care of yourself and love yourself enough not to be used. But also take responsibility for your actions and stop doing reckless stuff. And finally, be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself and move on. You can't change the past, but you can start making good decisions today. Best of luck and please take care!
...............................
|
