A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try and make this as short as i can. When i was 16 i lost my virginity to my then boyfriend and got pregnant but suffered a misscariage. This has affected me badly and still 4years on it hurts as much. Me and the dad split up not long after but i have always loved him. Time past and i got a new boyfriend who i was with for almost 3years. We have only just split up, the reasons being that he does not have a job and i cannot support him as i am a student and because i don't feel like i love him as much as i did with my other boyfriend (the one with the misscaridge). I saw him a week after the split and all my old feelings rose up again but he barely even recognised me. I feel terrible and jealous for the fact that he has no idea about the heart ache i still have over our baby and that he feels nothing. Do you think i should tell him that im still not over him or our baby? I think i need closure but i don't know how. Also will you always love your first love more than other boyfriends? My whole family are devestated about the split as he lived with us and im feeling pressured into getting back with him and im also not sure if splitting up with him is the right decision. Im so confused and just need some help from ANYBODY who can supply some. Thankyou
View related questions:
jealous, lost my virginity, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Don’t tell him how you feel. You are clearly still grieving the loss of your baby. Did you do counseling for that? 16 is such a young age to lose a child… you need to work that loss through… and heal from that.
The problem probably is that you have intertwined the father of the baby with the baby and are using him as a way to hang on to your child.
Therapy will give you closure.. Write long long long letters that you seal up and put away in drawers you won’t open often…
I do not love my first love any more than I do the father of my two children. I am currently in love madly with a man that will be my (sadly) FOURTH husband… at the time I married each of the others I loved them… it’s perfectly OK to love more than one person in your life. I figured I’ll do it till I get it right…
Your family is pressuring you to get back with a man who doesn’t even recognize you? And this is supportive and helpful how? Do you live with them still? Can you move out?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): Hi, it sounds to me like your very confused. From
What you have said the boyfriend you got pregnant with has moved on with his life completely, it's a no go zone in trying to talk to him as he has moved on with his life. You should concentrate on your boyfriend/ex now, does he understand all your going through? It sounds like he is part of your whole family life and if your having doubts then maybe you have made the wrong decision but you need I sit down an talk with him properly. With his work
Situation does he want to work or is he just lazy? It's hard out their at the moment, don't shoot a man when he's down. You will always love your first love no matter what as he is the person that you lost your virginity to but he is NOT interested anymore. Does your boyfriend/ex love you, care for you? Have you apple about your future, does he want what you do? I have had this predicament and thought maybe the grass is greener on the other side, but realised it wasn't but it was to late then and I lost my soul
Mate! I you feel like you may have made the wrong decision then talk to him and see if you can make it work.
...............................
A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (26 April 2012):
 There is something very powerful about losing your virginity, because it's your first experience into a new world and everything else will be compared to it.
Time is the healer in this case, but space is only good if you learn to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive him. There's nothing you can do to change the past.
There will always be something about this person you'll love, that's why you fell in love in the first place. Just remember it doesn't mean he's right for you now. You both had your moment in time, try to be content with that and who knows what the future may bring.
What's important now is that you continue to define yourself by expanding your knowledge, so keep experiencing new things. Someday you'll look back and realize how far you've come and how much you've learned from the past.
...............................
|
