A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've known this woman for over a year now, we go to church together at a smaller church. I had left for a bit, and returned, and decided to ask her to coffee. Finally after a week or so we met up, and it was great, and we talked for about 3 hours. When we left she gave me a hug. I didn't want to call everyday, so I called a few days later, and asked if she wanted to go to a movie we spoke about. We setup a date for the following weekend. At that date, I brought her flowers and she appeared happy and very communicative. We went to the movie, and I put my hand on hers, where she put both of her hands on mine. I thought that was a clear sign. She was kinda clumsy, so I thought she might be a little nervous. One thing that kinda made me feel a little strange was that she mentioned the guys she used to date in stories. I NEVER mention EXES as I've been told that is taboo. At the end of the date I brought her back, and she didn't invite me in, which is totally fine, but she did hug me and give me a kiss on the cheek---"yah" I thought. We had joked previously that I made it to the second date, so I asked if I got a third date. She rolled her eyes and said in a strange way---sure. Hmmm...The next day, Sunday I saw her at church, but she was really distant and speaking with friends. Almost seemed a little uncomfortable with me being there. We had a church event in a park afterward, and she was there and knew I was there. More distant. Of course its possible since its a church event we knew a lot of the same people and she didn't feel she needed to express her self or whatever. I'm not sure.We spoke very briefly, and she asked what I was doing later. She was busy but I told her I'd call later. I called later, and got voice mail where I left a message thanking her for the date and that I really liked her and was attracted to her. I got a text back later stating that thanked me for the sweet message and that we could talk tomorrow" Again Yeah for me I thought.The next day I called, she answered quickly, quicker than normal. I asked the typical superficial stuff, and she asked if she could be blunt, and that the message I left scared her. She stated that she goes slowly. I told her I am that way as well, but I'm trying to learn what is okay and not okay with her, she asked "what is okay/not okay" and I stated that "that" was what I was learning and that since I'm a guy, sometimes I don't get it". I know from past experiences, I've went to slow and left the woman wondering if I was attracted to her so I wanted to make sure she knew my intentions--but I didn't tell her that. The conversation changed again, and more superficial conversations and finally I said I needed to get off the phone but that I would call later in the week. She said okay, and that was it, so I kinda get the feeling that she's still interested, but she's really confusing me...I don't think I get it, from what I've been told you really need to watch a woman's actions rather than words, but did I come off too strong? Is she done or ??
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female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (9 March 2011):
 ...I mean, "purity" conflict. lol. oops.
A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (9 March 2011):
I won't think too much into it but from what you said she is just not into you. Your intuition is probably right in that she seems distant and avoiding you. It's not something you did or didn't do but she just doesn't like you that way, I'm sure she only sees you as a friend.
Good luck dude, go out there and date someone else.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 No it sounds to me like she is still interested in you. But I guess you moved a bit to quick for her and that scared her a little. Therefore dont give up on her but try not to mention how attracted you are to her again or tell her that you like her until you have been on many more dates. She obviously likes to take things slow and it appears that she is independant and therefore she probably didnt feel the need to come up to you at church. She sounds a bit shy and reserved and maybe she didnt want friends or family asking about you.
Therefore yes take it slow and dont always be the one calling and arranging dates allow her to make some of the plans as well. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 If she feels you came out strong than you did, because only she knows her feelings. She was blunt with you and told you the situation and this gives you the key on how to behave with her in the future. Sorry but I can't answer your question on what is to slow or to fast in dating because every women is different and they think, feel,and love differently. If you like her than slow it down and continue going out with her, and see what happens. Their is not much you can do here, so just take it slow and don't be to clingy.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Stay polite and open with her, but cool it off a bit.
Give her time to think about this for a while, don't pressure her.
If she decides she's interested, she will pursue you.
If not, try to remain friends, but look elsewhere for a love connection.
After all, you really haven't lost anything, have you?
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (8 March 2011):
Seems to me that she's regretting all the joking around. Did you joke about sexual things? If so, that's probably it. If you didn't, then seems like she's in a "puberty" conflict. She wants to make it clear that there's no premature sex and that you're okay with her beliefs, that you understand her position; "taking it slow" means you're going to put more effort into knowing her than, expecting sex.I would have a very comforting talk with her, reassuring her that you'll be a good guy and won't sexually pressure her.However, watch her actions carefully, because if she's not ready for her friends to know about you, that could mean it's because she has another man already and/or isn't officially emotionally detached. Hope this helps.
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