A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiMy be of 2 years constantly abuses me (verbally)/ignores me often. I seem to put up with this without getting angry. I never get angry when he does this, but i do get hurt and i cry my eyes out. We talked several times about his behaviour, but nothing changed. I love him a lot so i couldnt leave him.I tried all my ways to be nice to him. I dont know how to make this relationship work. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (7 March 2011):
 If you cry and he doesn't care, then you need to leave. Don't let yourself be treated this way. The last thing you need is to be around this guy and get pregnant. Then you and your child will have to listen to his non-sense and feel degraded. Empathy is a taught characteristic and seems like he's underdeveloped. He may love you, but it'll never be satisfactory compared to the harm he does. No one will be more important than himself, which is why he's unwilling to change his negative behavior. Let him go or things will just get worse.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Sorry honey, relationships that you have to "make work out" are not good relationships. Good relationships are fairly effortless and make you feel good, relaxed, at ease, safe and cherished. I know it is hard when you are young, but you should NEVER and I do mean NEVER settle for anything less. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Could you define "verbally abusive"?
Perhaps give us an example?
Sometimes people use this word very loosely. For instance, the boyfriend may say, "You're narcissistic" in a moment of anger. It hurt the girl friend's feelings and she claims she is "verbally abused" even though this is at the worst angry criticism. This is an example from a real post we had last week about someone using the term "verbal abuse." Was it verbal abuse? No.
Could he have perhaps controlled his temper? Yes.
Is your boyfriend over-critical? Is he inconsiderate? Does he put you down? If you've tried to talk to him already and it continues, being "nice" won't solve anything. I also happen to believe that if you insist on staying with, even if you love him a lot, then you are being complicit in the abuse. He may continue to treat you that way precisely because you are will to put up with it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I think the best thing to do here is to sit him down and tell him you love him but that you cannot keep putting up with his behaviour. Tell him he needs to work hard to change or else it is over because it is not worth your unhappiness for the rest of your life. I think the best thing to do here is to get him to attend anger management classes. If he refuses to do this well then its obvious he doesnt care about your feelings or the way he is treating you. Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): i was in the same situation until my ex left me for another girl after 3 1/2 years. trust he will not change you have to realize this is an unhealthy relationship it will hurt a lot but the grass is greener on the other side.
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A
female
reader, melanie01  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 You need to find the source of the problem. Why he lashes out? maybe something happens before hand that sets him off. I think he sees you as a easy target. You take whatever he dishes out. Maybe try standing up for yourself. Other then that you should leave him. I know its hard when your in love with them but is it worth it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): I'm sorry for what you have to put up with sweetie but if your boyfriend can't respect you and treat you right than you should leave him. If you kept trying to talk to him about his issues but he wouldn't change then he's not worth the grief. I say you break up with him and find someone else to love who treats you with care and respect instead of abusing you whether its verbally or physically because honestly no one deserves that.
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A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (6 March 2011):
Abusive relationships are unhealthy. Period. If you've already tried to get him to change multiple times and he wont then its time to end it. When you say this he will probably try to overcompensate and be like "No, i can change" But as you know that wont happen, so it is time to break up and move on
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