A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy in my college whom i really likebut i m doubtfull if he likes me. I m not at all goodlooking i m fat i m dark and i get nervous talking to him . He is really a good frnd of mine and i dnt want to spoil it .we are in the same group and often are together .recently i also learned that he had a very dradfull past and ended up bitterly in a relationship . i dnt know if he is ready for a new one or not . i really dnt know wat to do ? should i ask him out or let things run their course ? should i muster up courage and tell him abt my feelings or wait for him to realize them ? if i do ask him and his answer turns out a no , it will be akward for both of us to see each other in college everyday plus our friends will be forced to make a choice and take sides which i dnt want . please tell me what i should do ?should iask him out or stay quite? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, funkymonkey123  +, writes (7 March 2011):
as you have mutual friends you could ask him to go with you and a group of others to the cinemas or something of the sort and see how things go from there
A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Dear Woman,
First thing that I see in your message is: "I'm not attractive,...I'm fat." So, there is your answer.
First, you have to take care of yourself. You have to become more self confident and do it because, that is what you want for yourself, not for some man.
In order to really love someone, you first have to love yourself. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for failure and possibly putting yourself in an unhealthy situation by being controlled by your partner-to-be, (especially if he's bitter).
Sometimes when we have weaknesses we find people who can compliment those instabilities within us, (seemingly making us stronger), BUT if that weakness isn't something that you want for yourself, then the person you're trying to match-up with isn't really the kind of man you need.
If this was a personality thing, (like being modest), then I would say 'go for it', however, being fat is a physical condition that can change, more importantly; that you want to change.
To address being overweight, is a life changing experience. Until you live this life you desire, who's to say how compatible you are with this man. Everything from routines, eating habits and hobbies will change to accommodate a healthier life.
So, you need to be the person you want to be in order for you to be truly happy. Who knows! Once you achieve your desired weight and you feel great about your perseverance, it is very possible, you won't find this man as attractive.
I empathize with you in more ways than you know and I hope these words are helpful to you.
Take Care.
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