A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can someone gauge sexual compatibility with someone else? Is communication and experimentation in the bedroom the best way to introduce particular likes and dislikes of each partner?A particular question for female answerers: if a guy told you that sex was important to him early in the relationship, would you be fine with it or feel insulted/used? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Seems like he just wants to establish a sexual relationship. You'll have to figure out if that's okay with you. A relationship based on sex won't last long, all honeymoons end.
If he really tries to convince you otherwise, then he's a little confused about what it means to establish a healthy relationship. If he wants to be with you, then he should act more interested in courting you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): I honestly think this guy is just trying to get you to sleep with him and using the ye olde "I need to know if we're sexually compatible" trick.
I've used that one and it works with girls your age and plays to your desire to feel "with it", clued in and experienced.
It doesn't work with more experienced women like the other lady posters before me because frankly sexual compatibility is a given, you don't need to say it and you can certainly wait a little while before you find out.
OP if a guy specifically told said these things to you he's trying bed you, simple as that. Because people can take a little while to gel sexually, not every person has the same sexual kinks and even had girlfriends it took a good while to learn what worked and what didn't. So has this guy given you a time frame too? Like say 3 shags and if it's not good you're not compatible? The guy sounds like he's trying to pull a fast one here.
Unless all you want is sex then tell him to piss off and get a car if he wants to have test drive before he buys. You're not his little experiment or sex toy.
You'd be surprized how often it works though OP, I've had the most chaste virginal girls give it up early with that one.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 April 2012):
 I see what you mean, but I think it could REALLY easily be taken the wrong way. As a woman I would assume you were a player, only wanted a sex partner, or had unreasonably high standards for a good sex life.
Think of it like this, what good will saying it do? What do you expect her to do or say in response to that? There really isn't other than for her to either get freaked out or to agree with that statement, which still means nothing. The only way for you to find out if you're sexually compatible is to date for awhile and have a sex life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 Many women think sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. If I hear you mention it the first thing that comes up in my mind is that you didn't have good sex in your last relationship and you will obsess about it rather than go with the flow. If the girl feels insulted then maybe you are not compatible. You didn't mean to be insulting, she took it the wrong way. I totally understand that you don't want to waste time, to go deep into it to find the sex sucks. On the other hand, some women need the commitment before they can ease into sex. It can easily turn into a tug of war, or game of power. Prove the good sex first, then I will commit. No, prove your commitment first, then we will have good sex. I would suggest you to go out with girls who are happy, open minded and not uptight. Dating is about taking risks, manageable ones.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): If I felt, early in a relationship (a month possibly but it depends), there was a real connection, a spark and that things were worth developing, then sex would be a part of it. But too early is a mistake for some. Sex can mask underlying relationship mismatches. So, see initially if there is something worth pursuing. Sexual compatibility is very important, but it is only part of the mix.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 April 2012):
 HOW early in the relationship?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 You enter a sexual relationship and then you'll see if you are sexually compatible or not, really. That's the way you gauge it. If you are both terrible communicators and never experiment then you are compatible. So communication or experimentation wont help you out. Sexual compatibility is about being able to fill each others needs naturally. It's not a test that you either fail or not, it's not like you score points and a minimum 8 out of 10 makes you compatible. No, it's about you and your partner being happy in bed. If you are not happy, but frustrated, then you are not sexually compatible.
If a guy told me sex is important to him in a relationship I'd agree. It is important to me as well. Sex isn't everything, but it is a lot even so. If the sex in the relationship is poor then that tends to make an impact on the love, the overall intimacy, the desire for each other, the overall happiness of the relationship etc. Sex in a relationship IS important in the sense that you need to be on the same page when it comes down to it.
Thinking that sex is important does not mean that they want a lot of sex. The ones who stay virgins until married also think of sex as VERY important. In fact, the ones who don't think sex is important are the ones you ought to stay away from, because they are more likely to be selfish or uninterested in compromising or giving, or maybe plainly have no sex drive.
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