A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm 25 have 2 girls a 3year old , a 1year old and 5months pregnant, my partner father of my babies betrayd me,hurt my feelings. i was in hospital for a week spend my birthday alone in hospital, the day before my bday i call up my partner 3 hours after he left from the hospital crying just feeling alone and sad, happy that he answerd his phone so late but couldn't stop wondering why hes still awake so i ask what are you doing, he tells me i'm on the internet looking at cars,junkmail, gumtree and tabs for songs, i got a bit upset because 2years ago he went online and looked at hardcore porn and stuff so i asked him nicely please my angel don't lie to me should i worry, he says just trust me for once i'm not doing anything that would upset you i love you and only you i said goodnight and i do trust you, next day on my bday he comes early to visit me bring me a bunch of roses kiss me said happy bday and looked like he was in a hurry every 5min he looks at the time i ask whats wrong he says his pooped and not feeling well and he left eary the next day i went home just to find that he went on porn sites and fuck buddys and single and looking and a bunch of other discusting sites and that he masterbaited afterwards tore me apart i almost left him that day or almost killed him he says his sorry but i feel his sorry he got caught i still feel hurt and discusted when he touches me i want to forgive him but keep on thinking about what he didthe thing that hurts me the most he was looking for a fuckbuddy and single woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanx for answering every one, I didnt realy get to say all that i wanted,if some may wonder, no i'm not ugly,fat nor a bitchy person, i do know i'm pritty and sexy not to skinny not to fat just a bit now but i'm pregnant and i must eat healthy for my new baby on the way,even tho i clean the house and do the house wife duties whitch is just fair because i don't work, bit unhappy but also feel proud doing it i'm the only 1 standing up at night more than 3 times when its a good night to comfort my 2 girls when they cry for i bottle or when they had a bad dream or when they are sick & the fact that i'm pregnant moody & have no energy left in me and worry about my health when the 3rd one arrives, yet i still give him sex, other pleasures of kind,i do kinky stuff in bed when its just sex and not love making, i also write hot, steamy, fantasy romance mini sized books now and then about him & me doing things to tickle his fancy, also i make video clipz or take photos doing thing naked that he likes alot i dont use any objects or a fake penis to make him feel any less than a real man, i never say no when he wants anything sexcaul even if he wakes me up in the middle of the night i make him veel hear &see that i injoy everything he does when we do it, thank god he never asked me to for a 3som, i understand & respect people who loves,likes & injoy any form of porn that is legal and if both parties have no problem with watching it together or not if it doesn;t effect u'r relationship in any way badly great injoy it, i could try and tell you so many negative thing that this could bring your relationship but i woun't tell you and remind you or try to change your mind every other day i can only say it once and let them deside if they would still feel the same about porn and stuff after that i would shut up & respect your meaning towards porn back to what i wanted to say, i was molessted and raped when i was at a very young age these pigs not human being made me watch all kinds off porn and made me do the same thing these dirty sluts and pigs did, or they would watch porn and afterwards come to me to end there sexcaul needs, i treid to forget about what had happen to me and did for 7years then met my soulmate my partner and dated for a year or two when i saw him looking at naked woman doing all kinds of thing i was beyond upset and didn't take it that well because when we started dating i said to him i don't like porn or anything close to porn and asked him do you except this, would this bother you can you respect me and live without porn, he said yes i don't need porn in my life it realy doesn't bother him, so yes i suddenly felt sad, confused, lost and started having images in my mind having nightmares and thought that maybe i was making these thing up in my mind and lost it i told my partner about these thing i'm seeing and asked myself did it realy happen to me after a few days i asked my mom if she knew anything she knew nothin at all so i asked her to confront these people that did it to me and she did and all off them in a way admitted to it i'll write again soon please check up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I am so sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. You must feel very trapped, wondering what to do for the best as you have three children with this man.Is he usually a good provider for you and your children? Does he work hard to support you? Are you unhappy with any other aspects of this relationship?Certainly, in respect of porn, men are wired differently than women. However, it is more concerning that he should present himself as single (therefore free), and looking for a f**kbuddy. It doesn't take a great leap of the imagination to wonder if he would be willing to follow through on these online encounters.And what about you? What is your situation? Do you have family or friends who would be willing to take you in with your children until you get back on your feet? Or are there other sources of assistance in South Africa for mothers on their own? I would counsel you strongly not to have any more children with this man. Are you able to use contraception (the pill, the diaphragm, or the coil) without his knowledge? I get the sense he is a man who would not be willing to use a condom. You must take the responsibility on yourself not to get pregnant again.He has eroded any trust you might have in him, and I honestly don't know how (unless he radically changes his behaviour/personality) that will ever be regained.Seek out help and support to allow you to leave, or would you be able to make him leave the marital home? Either way, you and your children come first.I wish you the strength to find a way out of this situation and health, happiness and love in the future.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 The best thing you can do is confront him about this and kick him out (at least for a little while) so some decent sense can be placed back into his head and he'll realize what he's losing, because of his foolish games.
Some people will say that watching porn is not a big deal, (if he was single it wouldn't be!) but it is when in a relationship...and this is a clear example of WHY.
Your man needs to be there for you, not some sluts on the internet. Your man knows how hurtful it is to you, when he looks up porn, so he should respect your boundaries and care for your feelings. I mean really, it's just a bunch of naked bodies and he's going to risk losing you over something so trivial? Trust isn't easy to regain! You have every right to be upset. I'm sure he has boundaries for you that you're respecting.
This happens so often where fascination with porn increases to the point where now he's actually looking for someone to fill his sexual void. This is not just disrespectful now, but he's betraying your relationship when searching for other women. The bad seed was planted and now it's escalating.
It's more of a shame this is all going down when you need him the most! I'm sorry that you've been in the hospital and he's hardly there for you. ...This man has feelings he's not sharing and it's ruining your relationship.
I hope he starts communicating with you and I hope all goes well in the end. I'm sorry you have to go through this. He's a fool and you deserve better, hopefully he steps up to the plate. Take Care.
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