A
female
age
36-40,
*inkcandy2
writes:im 25 and pregnant. Its been a bit of a rollar cosater but i have got over the hurdles of telling my parents etc and i thought i was on the roasd to happiness. But now me and my boyfriend are arguing. I have gone off sex and been feeling a bit anxious and moody, i have tried explaining that my hormones play a big part to my bf but he doesnt understand and calls me a psycho, miserable bitch, pathetic, tells me i ruin his happiness and make him miserable. Everytime we argue he tells me he is leaving me and he doesnt care about me or the baby and he never wants to see me again. I began to wonder whether a termination would be for the best until we can prove we are a stable happy couple (the pregnancy wasnt planned) and i am doubting whether bringing a baby into this relationship is for the best. I tried talking to him about this but he tells me one minute he doesnt care what i do coz he doesnt want me or the baby then the next he tells me im a murderer and im pathetic and week for getting a termination. Please can some body help me decide what to do. I know this relationship isnt healthy as i am moody and hormonal and my boyfriend is impossible to talk to and mentally tortures me with insults and tells me i am the problem and he is perfect. I think i would get a termination if i was 100% sure it was the best thing to do but i worry about whether i could live with the guilt and 'what ifs' afterwards. I have got my head around being pregnant and got excited about it the past few weeks but i worry about bringing a child into this mess and whether is will make things worse in the long run. Please help me im desperate for advice, i am 11 and a half weeks pregnant now so i cant hang around pondering over this Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 If you want to keep the child try looking-up Women's facilities that protect the abused, maybe a local church can sponsor you, check out government programs, etc. I hope you decide soon!
A
female
reader, pinkcandy2 +, writes (9 March 2011):
pinkcandy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice and kind words on my question, I am still none the wiser, I had an 'ok' week or so with my bf but things started again this morning and now he has left me with a house I can't afford to live in and his baby still inside my tummy being tortured from how low I am feeling all the time. I honestly have no idea what to do, I can't talk to my parents as they are both mentally fragile and if they knew the problems I was having they would be horrified and upset. I refuse to put them through that so I will not speak to them until I have a solution to this mess. Thank you guys though for replying, I appreciate every bit of support I get even from complete strangers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): There is a third option that nobody seems to really take seriously anymore-- adoption. It doesn't have to be a choice between abortion or single parenthood-- two extremes, IMO. You may at least want to consider that if you're not financially ready for single parenthood. It doesn't have to be a closed adoption either-- you could arrange to stay in touch with the child. If this interests you, a prolife group or church group can help.
Whichever way you decide, keep seeking out the advice of your parents, who may be interested in helping you raise the child. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Wow. Your post really touched me.I am so sorry you are hurting and in such a crappy situation. I am also very angry on your behalf. With regards to what to do with the baby, only you know what is best, but answer this question to yourself honestly: If you did decide to terminate the pregnancy, would the guilt eat you alive? Because I do believe things will get better for you, and it doesnt have to involve terminating this pregnancy to do so. Think of it in these terms: Would you rather sacrifice a child or a crappy relationship that is headed nowhere fast? Reread your post please. He sounds like a horrid person who is incredibly selfish and abusive. You have high hopes that "once this relationship is happy and stable" you can try again to have a child. Seriously? It will never ever be happy or stable. You are given the rare chance right now to take a glimpse into a snapshot of your life in 3 years. In 5. In 10. Why should you terminate the child growing inside of you? So that it can buy you perhaps a few weeks of happiness with him before the crap starts up again? And then what? You live with the guilt of terminating a baby and you are still stuck with the selfish crappy boyfriend on top of it? No, its best to just consider terminating the relationship instead of that child growing inside you. Thats my opinion. I would seek counsel with someone that you trust on this, someone you can talk to. Your parents maybe? Another family member? A close friend? A hotline? And be honest with them. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Sorry, but you have no future with this guy and bringing this kid up with him as a father sounds like an awful, awful idea to me.
Only you can really decide if you in fact want to raise the child solo or not. Don't let your ex's (I hope he's an ex by now) insults cloud your decision. If you are financially ready to support and raise a kid and you think you can protect him from emotional abuse from his father, I would definitely agree with your decision to have the child.
I've had a few friends who have had abortions at your age. The terminated, because they didn't feel ready to support a child, financially or maturity-wise. They didn't have regrets about the abortion so much as they just felt sad and depressed about the decisions that got them to that point in the first place...
Make sure this is your decision. Raising a kid solo is hard, expensive, and it essentially changes how you will be perceived by the rest of the world. If you feel you're not ready to do it, don't.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (28 February 2011):
You deserve a loving and supportive man! You and your baby do not need the emotional distress this guy is causing you. Every bad feeling you feel, your baby is feeling also. Considering this, as the mother of his child he should have more respect for you and try his hardest to empathize with your discomforts. Since he doesn't care, it sounds like he's trying to persuade you to abort.This guy is beyond offensive with his insensitivity and you and your child deserve happiness. Especially your baby who's completely innocent, 100% helpless and is forced to depend on you to take care of his/her needs in every moment. We know the baby's father can't provide, and your baby needs a positive father figure. Talk with your family to see if they'll support you in this child raising. It'll be up to you (and family support) and if you can't afford to be a single parent, do what you have to do to protect your child from this mental abuse. Wish you the best! As a single Mom, I can say it's a really hard road, but my son is my world, his milestones are fascinating and the fruit of my labor. It's been the most humbling thing in the world to let go of my wants, needs, social time, etc. but my son is my first priority. If it wasn't for my family supporting me, I couldn't have done this as well. *Just please remember, your needs mean nothing compared to the needs of your innocent child. You'll have to earn a living at the same time, so make sure your baby will be in careful hands. My heart really goes out to you! Take care.
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