My brother uses my depression against me when it is convenient for him!
Q. I am having an issue with my brother. We currently live together, and cannot move out due to various familial reasons. He does not do his share of the housework, and I am constantly picking up after him. The most common offences are leaving food out ...
A. 18 October 2015: I think you need to explain more about the 'familial reasons' which keep you living in each other's space.
In order to create harmony you either have to add a note or take one away.
In this case the easiest thing would be to take yourself out of t... (read in full...)
I can't decide on college but I can't put it off for ever!
Q. I'm having a really difficult time figuring out what I want to go to college for. I took a year off after high school to relax and figure it out but still have no idea what I want to do. The main reason I find it difficult is because of the b...
A. 18 October 2015: The idea is to study something you find you are interested in. Your degree doesn't necessarily have to be related to your future occupation. I have heard of people with music degrees becoming captains of industry.
If you have a facility for lear... (read in full...)
I broke up with her and have some regrets.
Q. I will try to make this short. I am 28 years old and recently got out of 5 years serious LTR(lived in together for 5 years). Problem is I was never very much in love with her to start with. I deeply cared about her but never felt that attraction ...
A. 18 October 2015: As the wise Quentin Crisp wrote, the trouble with self sacrifice, which is what you are proposing, is that in the end you will never have given enough.
Go and find someone you really love and make it count. You are prepared to go back because it s... (read in full...)
Why do we need to compare breast sizes? And what breasts do men want?
Q. I often see posts on here from women with smaller breasts who feel that they wished they had larger breasts. Whilst I believe all Women should be encouraged to feel good about their bodies I often feel disheartened by the responses that put down lar...
A. 17 October 2015: This seems to be more about your opinion than a question. However if you want someone else's view. I like women to look natural and in proportion.
I can understand if some larger women want reductions. It makes sense. I see no virtue in going to e... (read in full...)
I broke up with her and have some regrets.
Q. I will try to make this short. I am 28 years old and recently got out of 5 years serious LTR(lived in together for 5 years). Problem is I was never very much in love with her to start with. I deeply cared about her but never felt that attraction ...
A. 17 October 2015: I don't think you should try to rekindle this relationship. You may be looking back with the proverbial rose-tinted specs.
I think it would be kinder not to muck her life about again. You said you were never really in love with her, and were in fact... (read in full...)
How can I feel like less of a failure towards my Gf?
Q. I've been with my S/O for five months now and recently found out that this whole time I haven't made her cum. She took my virginity so I understand that I am not super experienced bUT I can't help to feel useless and like a failure. She says ...
A. 16 October 2015: Sexiness is in the head. You need to talk to her about what turns her on. It's different for different people.
Once you have an idea what she likes then you can only do your best.
There are also lots of self-help articles and books on how to pleas... (read in full...)
Should I settle for someone I'm not attracted to?
Q. I've never been overly distressed about my looks. At the very worst, I'd say I'm average looking, but really I used to get plenty of attention from guys. Recently however, pretty much any message I send on any app is ignored. If I do get a reply, I ...
A. 16 October 2015: The social media thing has backfired on you. You wanted your ego massaged by people trying to be your virtual friend.
And now it isn't working you feel unwanted - boohoo!
Get off social media and find a real life with flesh and blood people. ... (read in full...)
He's getting flirtier at work but isn't asking me out again! What's his deal?
Q. So, here's my question: I have been working at a new place for just over a year. There is a man that works there that I've become friends with. We get along really well and have had lunch just two or three times over the year. (We work in diffe...
A. 15 October 2015: He's not mad crazy to be with you is he. I would just treat this as a bit of fun. If he really wanted to be with you he knows where you are. It doesn't seem that important to him.... (read in full...)
There's a connection but how do I keep this this dynamic on a track towards a successful business relationship?
Q. I met this guy last winter. It was clear that we both had an instant connection to each other, but we were both in the middle of failed marriages, so we did not pursue anything. Instead, we started collaborating on work related projects. (Each of ...
A. 15 October 2015: You are acting quite properly. You can't be responsible for his girlfriend. That's her problem.
You could bring your concerns more out in the open with him, and stress that you just want a working relationship - if that is what you do want.
You s... (read in full...)
I've met a new girl but still have feelings for the other girl, and I don't want to be that guy. Advice on how to decide who to pursue?
Q. I was seeing this girl recently and we've slept together and kissed etc but the we sort of said lets just be friends cause we were arguing. so we did just that and then a girl started talking to me and we were getting along so we exchanged numbers ...
A. 14 October 2015: You are right to not want to see them both. You may be nervous about telling them that there is another girl on the scene, but that may be the best option for you.
The other alternative is to break off with one of them.
When you come to a fork in ... (read in full...)
Is my husband remorseful for what he did?
Q. My husband had an affair 3 yrs ago, it's been a very difficult recovery process for me since- I offered forgiveness and he lied and continued communication with her for 3 months after discovery-told many other lies and till this day hasn't given me ...
A. 14 October 2015: A pastor, an alcoholic, an adulterer - you certainly picked right one there (irony intended).
I think it would be right and proper for him to confess his sins before the congregation of his church. You might then want to consider giving him a chan... (read in full...)
Finding another place to live before I tell him the marriage is over seems sensible but also cruel and underhanded. Advice?
Q. I am planning on leaving my husband but unsure how to go about it. It was a semi arranged marriage and I have been miserable pretty much since we went through with it, I am miserable and see no future with him. Having said this, he is a kind goo...
A. 13 October 2015: Tell him first, and say when you expect to leave. There is no easy way to do this. Both of you will feel the hurt particularly if it is a long term relationship.
When you do move, do it in one go when he is at work. Try and leave the house look... (read in full...)
I thought he was the sweetest guy but.... can anyone help?
Q. I recently got engaged to the most sweetest guy ever, or so i thought. He has recently been diagnosed bipolar and stopped smoking with the help of tablets as he isn't in the greatest of health. But, last few days if I speak to him I am babb...
A. 13 October 2015: I think you should hand back the ring. Tell him to move into his own place, and come back to talk to you when he is in a better frame of mind.
You write: 'I was happy on my own before him. I didn't want a relationship'.
Well it's time to reclaim ... (read in full...)
I hate my husband for throwing me a suprise party!
Q. My idiot husband threw me a suprise 50th birthday party "knowing full well" that I dispise parties of anykind. I had to lie to everyone and pretend that I was enjoying it, while secretly dispising the whole thing. It has been months and I still have ...
A. 13 October 2015: Oh, get over yourself. Someone cared enough, and went to all the trouble, to arrange a party for YOU. How ungrateful of you. And it isn't all about you anyway.
Parties are for all your friends and family to enjoy themselves.
We all enjoy an excus... (read in full...)
Is my husband remorseful for what he did?
Q. My husband had an affair 3 yrs ago, it's been a very difficult recovery process for me since- I offered forgiveness and he lied and continued communication with her for 3 months after discovery-told many other lies and till this day hasn't given me ...
A. 13 October 2015: Your husband is an idiot. He was feeling his age. He had his head turned. He was suckered into paying someone else's car repair bill - and he got caught. Hah!
You are now in the driving seat. This can go any way you want. You always will have this... (read in full...)
How can I convince her my feelings are real?
Q. i have been talking to a girl and i like her a lot, we dont often meet so we are in long distance relationship which is okay for me thing is first she used to tell me that she likes when i say romantic things to her but now she tells me that i ...
A. 13 October 2015: What is the point of your long distance relationship? What do you imagine happening?
If you are going to remain pen-pals then keep romance in the background. You can't keep reinforcing affection without a basis in reality. ie you actually meet up s... (read in full...)
He discredits all I do do for him. Tells his family when we argue. Yet he's pressuring for marriage? What's his problem?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We do not live together- about 30 mins apart. Neither of us have been married nor have children. Just wanting some advice and opinions. It really bothers me how I help him out a lot and i don't feel lik...
A. 12 October 2015: He wants to marry his mother. He wants someone to cook and clean for him. For heavens sake is that what you want? Let him do his own housework.
It is kind and caring of you to be so helpful, but it doesn't seem to be appreciated.
This is where it... (read in full...)
What do I say? When he asks me why I like him so much?
Q. I am 26 years old and I have always been a little socially awkward and reserved!i met this guy that I really like and care about a lot but let's just say I am unable to express that to him,he asked me why do I like him so much and I have no ...
A. 12 October 2015: Ivyblue is right. You have answered your own question. Say what you did in your final paragraph. However I am perplexed about why he is asking you the question.
Sometimes it's better not to always wear your heart on your sleeve.
If he asks:'Wh... (read in full...)
What's the best way out of this situation? I feel like my kind husband doesn't deserve this.
Q. Ok so before I go into my problem I want to start by saying that it's all my fault, I've been selfish and now deeply regretting my decision. I'm a terrible person and I need to know the best way out of my situation. I grew up living in a tiny 2 bed...
A. 12 October 2015: There is more than one problem here and you need to treat them separately. Your relationship with your husband needs sorting. You say: 'I know I will never find anyone like him', but then contradict it with, 'but I can't stay in this marriage ... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for being sad that I've never been in a relationship?
Q. Hi, I have tried to narrow this question to begin with. I am using the bullet points for a little background. -I am 47 and unmarried and never had a girlfriend at all. Although I have engaged in sex once after a high school with a girl who liked m...
A. 12 October 2015: Yes it is sad you haven't felt the joy and security of a long-term relationship. But you know it's not too late - really.
One thing you might want to bear in mind is that it's mostly about you finding someone to care for; not about finding some... (read in full...)
How can I ask my friends to set me up for blind dates?
Q. How can I ask my friends to set me up on dates? So I am definitely at the right stage where I want to meet new people, thing is I'm really shy so I don't know many people. So how can I get my friends to set me up on blind dates....
A. 11 October 2015: Chigirl is right. Just ask your friends if they know any nice unattached men.
And stop acting shy. It is a controlling mechanism to make people come to you. You are who you are - perfectly the way you were meant to be. There is only one like you ... (read in full...)
How can I be in love with a monster?
Q. Please help me aunts and uncles. I'm stuck in love with an absolute monster who stepped out on me at the beginning of the year, and has been gone since. We were so great together, we planned for a baby, we had it all. Fast forward, I move in with ...
A. 11 October 2015: People in your situation always believe it was their fault. You are lucky to have escaped the relationship. What you now have to take on board is that you were probably like that before you met him, and in fact accepted him because he fulfilled his ... (read in full...)
I had a crush on her now I get annoyed if she looks at me!
Q. Hello, First and foremost, thank you for the responses in advance. There is this girl at my gym that's been coming there for some time now. We caught each other's attention, sometimes we would just start looking at each other at the sam...
A. 11 October 2015: First of all never be, 'standing waiting for a machine'. You are there to exercise. Find something else to do. ;-)
Secondly I agree that she does seem to be craving attention. I think groping or being groped in a gym is a poor way to behave. I don'... (read in full...)
He seems to have a double standard when it comes to going out
Q. I really enjoy going out socialising and really love having a dance or meeting new people. I haven't been out for a long time because my boyfriend is older than me and has said he prefers staying in on the weekend than going out to drink. He's ...
A. 11 October 2015: You have every right to have your own friends. And if you think he is 'lying' then you need to have a conversation about that.
Try arranging a few things for yourself that make you feel good about yourself. It might be Pilates or yoga. The walk... (read in full...)
He seems to have a double standard when it comes to going out
Q. I really enjoy going out socialising and really love having a dance or meeting new people. I haven't been out for a long time because my boyfriend is older than me and has said he prefers staying in on the weekend than going out to drink. He's ...
A. 10 October 2015: Just because you are in a steady, stable relationship doesn't mean you have to give up your friends, your life or things you like doing.
As long as you keep him posted eg. if you are going to be in later than you said, all should be well.
If he... (read in full...)
A married man at work is asking too many questions !
Q. Hi. There is a married man at a work (he doesn't work there), his child is in a class at the school where I work, I'm an assistant. He's been asking me personal questions like: Are you married? Do you have kids? Do you live close by? Do you ...
A. 9 October 2015: You need to report this to the school's head right away. The head should then approach the man, and tell him that his questions are inappropriate and to leave you alone.
You are right to be worried.
Follow this up and make sure the head teacher ... (read in full...)
How can I find out how serious my father's health condition may be?
Q. I live with my father and today he sat me down to tell me something. He told me his doctors have found 2 rather large lumps on his brain and they don't know what it is until they do further testing next Monday. Now I'm someone who worries a lo...
A. 9 October 2015: I can see that this is a tough one. You have been brought face to face with the fact that your Dad isn't going to be with you forever.
The tumours that have been found may be benign. Even if they are not they may be removed, or they may be mana... (read in full...)
I don't like this guy as anything but a friend but he doesn't get the hints
Q. Hello, I'm looking g for some advice on boys. I have begun college and have started late so the others have already made friends. My course has a higher percentage of boys to girls. One of the boys has started messaging me on Facebook and I have ...
A. 8 October 2015: Do you think any of the problem might be in your use of social media? I have never known a woman who couldn't make her feelings clear when she needed to. What is stopping you? You might try a phrase like, "Look mate you are probably an OK guy, but ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend takes me forgranted
Q. I feel a bit taken for granted with my boyfriend, I have bought him presents and paid for dinner out etc and while I'm a generous person what really upset me was he bought a big box of chocolates for his team at work, just to get them motivated and ...
A. 8 October 2015: Is more than just the chocolates and the fact that your giving isn't reciprocated? Some people just don't think it's necessary to have an outward show of their affection.
I think you will know if you are loved.
It's not clear if you live together... (read in full...)
I'm frustrated, hopeful and yearning for more! Help? Advice?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 46 year old gay male. I've developed a relationship with a 20 year old straight male (friends only) that lives across the street,that seems to be heading into a more than friends relationship. I've had a huge crush on him from the...
A. 8 October 2015: You are brave to take this step, but you are quite right to do so. Take some time to find your next partner. There is some emotional healing to be done. Look after yourself - your body and your mind. Treat yourself to a few nice little things which ... (read in full...)
My trust is wavering with my girlfriend. I see her standing way too close to another man
Q. Dear Cupid, Long story short, I met this amazing woman at the hospital I work at (a nurse), and we have been talking since the beginning of the year. She says she loves me, and her son looks up to me like a father. I honestly felt we had a solid f...
A. 8 October 2015: In my opinion your gut reaction is right. She isn't ready to have the kind of relationship you clearly want. She is perhaps enjoying being fancy free and doesn't want a full-on association with anyone.
You don't tell us what stage you are at with... (read in full...)
Have you helped your adult children financially, like pay for their wedding rings
Q. After the fact and the wedding, my significant other told me that he helped his son pay for his daughter-in-law's engagement ring to the tune of $800.00. It was suppose to be secret and only between him and his son. My significant other is d...
A. 8 October 2015: You have your opinions and they are valid. That's it. What can you achieve by interfering? Have you talked to your partner about this?
Do you have children? If so they too should have £800 each. What they spend it on is up to them.
I think betrothe... (read in full...)
Crush acting hot and cold. What does it mean?
Q. dear love cupid, i have a crush on a guy in my school. he's quite nice to me sometimes but he also love to tease in a kinda hurtful ways. there was a time when we were making our school project in one of my friends home. i accidentally wounded my ...
A. 8 October 2015: You obviously quite fancy him, and if he is not attached then I think it would be nice for you to arrange something. He might be too shy to ask you straight out so you have to make it easy for him.
You could ask him to meet up for a coffee on Satu... (read in full...)
I'm frustrated, hopeful and yearning for more! Help? Advice?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 46 year old gay male. I've developed a relationship with a 20 year old straight male (friends only) that lives across the street,that seems to be heading into a more than friends relationship. I've had a huge crush on him from the...
A. 6 October 2015: I don't know anything about the gay scene, but you are being played. You are in an unsatisfying relationship, if you can call it that, and on the other side you are being teased by a coquette. Who knows if he will have sex with you but I would be... (read in full...)
We never have sex and now another guy is interested in me! What do I do?
Q. In a bit of a dilema! i currently have a boyfriend and hes lovely hes sweet thoughtful and really in love with me, the only thing is we barely ever have sex, ive repeatidly told him about this and yeah yeah ill change i havnt brought it up for ...
A. 6 October 2015: "He says he doesn't want a relationship," so I guess most of what's going on is in your head. Do you think your current boyfriend would be upset if he knew you were txting this other man? What would happen if he found out? I suppose the real que... (read in full...)
What do I say in reply to her message?
Q. Hello , I,ve asked a woman , on a online dating site , if she would like to meet for a coffee ? she said yes , when she gets back from holiday , in 10 days. I ...
A. 5 October 2015: I can't believe you are asking this. You've asked her to meet for a coffee. She has said yes. Now the ball is back in your court - propose a venue ideally for her convenience.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's anger is making me lose my confidence. How do I sort this out?
Q. My boyfriend if 3 years is really starting to get me down and I feel stuck. He loses his temper easily, gets verbally aggressive when I try to give my opinion and blows things of by saying " I don't want to hear you anymore, I'm not talking to ...
A. 4 October 2015: I think ?getting out of the relationship is a real option. Do you know why he has anger problems? Are drugs involved? Is he stressed out from work? What do you think is the matter?
If it is unfathomable; do you really not know why he keeps losi... (read in full...)
My husband only has an open mind for his wants!
Q. My husband and I have been together 9 years, and recently married. Pretty much right up to the point we got married, any purchase on our shared account was discussed and we were both able to get things we needed/wanted. We just moved to a new house ...
A. 3 October 2015: I think you need your own money. If this means getting a job then fine, do that. If you already work then open your own bank account. Clearly a dialogue is needed here. Do you think that is possible? I guess you are writing in because it isn't.
Y... (read in full...)
He's an adult. I am 16, Should I politely let him down? What should I do?
Q. I was out last night with friends and this guy approached me and began asking me things about myself and it was clear he was interested. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. Problem is he's 21 and I'm 16 and he wants to meet up (in a public...
A. 3 October 2015: I think your concern answers your own question. As you are new to the dating game start with someone nearer your own age. You need to feel that you are in control of the situation, which you won't be now.
It's fun finding out about the other sex ... (read in full...)
He booked tickets to come visit me, but I don't want him to visit me. What can I do?
Q. I was traveling Western Europe for a month with a friend and when we were in Lisbon, we stayed at the same hostel for about 3 nights. I got to know one of the guys from the reception, we were making out one evening (me intoxicated), and the next...
A. 3 October 2015: Yes, make an excuse if you don't want to see him. Does he know your address? You can be out of town that date. Don't be pressured into meeting someone if you don't want to or don't have to.
You have been naive in thinking that your fun evening woul... (read in full...)
The man that I am dating doesn't know how to tell his lady friend about me
Q. Dear aunties and uncles I posted on here in June about a man I have been seeing: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-think-it-is-worth-me-continuing.html I am 55 and 4 months ago I met a man who is 60. 8 months before we met he had me...
A. 29 September 2015: Well of course he can back out of the events. What would happen if he got the flu?
You need to decide what you want. Are you prepared to fight for him or let him go? Do you want to take this arrangement to the next level.
Why don't you mention ... (read in full...)
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