A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So, here's my question:I have been working at a new place for just over a year. There is a man that works there that I've become friends with. We get along really well and have had lunch just two or three times over the year. (We work in different departments with different schedules and we don't physically cross paths much.) We text sometimes during the day and after work and on the weekends. I would consider us friends. BUT, he flirts with me as well. I wasn't sure if he just has a flirty personality or what his deal was. He never would ask me out, but would often say "we SHOULD go out for a drink", or we SHOULD swim in your pool this summer and make blender drinks", etc. etc. So, I would respond favorably, but I just waited him out. And, of course, nothing happened in A YEAR. So, fast forward to 3 weeks ago where he said that we SHOULD plan some outing, blah blah. So I said, "we need to put an actual date on the calendar or we're never going to go anywhere or do anything". So, he invites me to a comedian on that Friday. Turns out he had the date wrong and the comedian was the following Friday so I said we should go out for a drink anyway, which we do. We have fun, he kisses me goodbye.He gets even flirtier at work and we go to the comedian the next Friday. He's paying for the dates, he kisses me goodbye again (this time a longer and more intimate kiss). I invited him to a wedding that I'm going to in three more weeks. He gets EVEN FLIRTIER at work. BUT, he does not mention going out again. He does, however, mention cuddling and snuggling. He mentions cuddling and snuggling in "secret places" AT WORK!! Which, I'm not comfortable with, but I sort of ignore and/or make comments like "oh, how romantic". He tells me anything can be romantic with the right person blahblah.So I'm sort of aggravated that he has made no mention of getting together again even though he's flirting pretty heavily with me and seems to be looking forward to the wedding (which I'm regretting inviting him to). This past weekend I had plans with a girlfriend on Saturday night, which he had no idea about. I thought I'd feel him out regarding the weekend, and told him about my plans with my friend. He told me that if my plans fell through to let him know because he'd just be home drinking wine and watching TV.What is this all about? Does this guy like me? He's been flirting with me for a year. The only reason we went out is because I finally kind of forced him. But he treated the outings like dates and ramped up the flirting. I don't understand why he would make no effort to secure another date, even though he had no plans this past weekend (he did not know about mine). This weekend we are both out of town (which we had talked about previously. So, the next time I will have opportunity to see him will be at the wedding. I feel kind of awkward about it now being that I will not have seen him for 3 weeks. I sort of figured that we would go on a few more dates between the comedy show and the wedding, but I don't know what this guy's issue is. Any thoughts? I go back to work tomorrow and I know the flirting will start up again hot and heavy.I flirt back with this guy. I kissed him back. The dates were good and fun and we laughed and had a good time. He's flirting with me but not asking me out. I'm reciprocating, so it's not that I'm being cold to him.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 October 2015):
 He's not mad crazy to be with you is he. I would just treat this as a bit of fun. If he really wanted to be with you he knows where you are. It doesn't seem that important to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): You are describing the most inappropriate and libelous behavior ever! An employer's nightmare, and a lawyer's dream!
You are setting this fool up for a full-fledged sexual-harassment case! You're getting irritated and he's being a tease and a jackass. If he does cross the line, you've weakened your case. Giving your employer little choice; but to terminate both of you. He's holding back and making you make all the wrong moves, just for that reason.
No he doesn't like you. He's trying to get sex with no strings attached. He wants a sordid little office sexual-affair. The stuff people gossip about. They are watching!
He wants to fool around at the office; because most likely there's another woman in his life. Possibly a girlfriend or fiance. You'd know if he were married. He can hide the fact he has a girlfriend, if he's prone to cheating and clever.
You live in the United States, and your employer is still considered liable even for inappropriate behavior you and your co-worker exhibit outside the workplace. Yes, the liability extends outside the workplace; if you decide you're being harassed. You will grow scornful and resentful of his audacity over time. He doesn't want to court you properly. He wants a nasty little secret affair.
Now he wants to fool around in closets and sneak around at work? I know this isn't okay with you, and it should be an insult. Now he's got you pegged as a desperate mature lady who'd by-pass rules and regulations; and jeopardize her own employment to get a man.
Does he like you? Seriously?!! You know better!
You both could and should be fired. A mature person like yourself should know the rules; and follow the code of ethics and policy. It's why you're given harassment seminars, to avoid just what you're experiencing.
Eventually you'll be vexed and may want to take action. Never-mind the fact you've willingly participated in the most inappropriate and unprofessional behavior. He's taking liberties and being very suggestive.
Your job is not a dating site or singles bar. It's where you work, earn money to pay the bills; and should be concentrating on your work. Not your love-life.
Collect your dignity and put an end to this foolishness.
Find available men far from where you earn your living.
Tell him you had a slip in judgement; and you've changed your mind about seeing him outside of work, or being anything more than his co-worker. Your desperation is showing, and he's willing to take advantage of it. He has no intention of seriously dating you.
Do yourself a favor and read your own post. Is this how a dignified mature woman should be behaving with a man on the job? Laughs mean nothing without respect. He could do the same thing with a hooker. You deserve better than this mess.
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