A
male
age
26-29,
*selessLover
writes:I've been with my S/O for five months now and recently found out that this whole time I haven't made her cum. She took my virginity so I understand that I am not super experienced bUT I can't help to feel useless and like a failure. She says it's not a problem but I know it is. I get so frustrated because I feel immensely selfish because I almost always cum but she never does. How can I be less of a failure to my gf? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 October 2015):
 It takes time! You're not the only one who's inexperienced. She's even more so because she most likely isn't making herself orgasm any more than you can.
As far as sex is concerned, less than a third of women (the statistic is about 1/4th of women) can even *have* an orgasm through intercourse itself. To give YOU an idea of things, that means that you'd be told that you could only have an orgasm if a woman plays with your scrotum and testicles alone without touching any part of your penis. Very few men could have an orgasm through that sort of stimulation. A woman's vagina isn't her pleasure area. Her CLITORIS is, i.e. the little "button" in front of her vagina.
There are many women, even married ones, who have NEVER had an orgasm, either from themselves or from a guy. It starts in the mind, with intimacy. She has to know how she works, meaning she needs to know how to give it to herself in order to show YOU what feels good.
As for you, your tongue and fingers will pleasure her far better than your penis will, especially in the beginning. Playing with positions and learning ejaculatory control are advanced techniques. You must get porn OUT OF YOUR HEAD when it comes to educating yourself on how a woman responds to sex. Those women are performing and faking it in order to get you off, as your "visual vibrator" so to speak.
And speaking of vibrators, you might want one so that you two can play and experiment with it. Shower heads, hot tub jets, your tongue (slowly writing the alphabet with your tongue on her clitoris and surrounding area or in slow circles) will get you much farther. I can't be too graphic and risk the censors on here, but I want to tell you that it won't "just happen" as you are having intercourse with her. There are very few nerve endings in her vagina alone.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 October 2015):
 First understand that not all women have orgasms. Some can go for years and never experience an orgasm. No worries. If she complains about it then there is a problem. Otherwise, forget it.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (16 October 2015):
Learn to make her orgasm and you will be fine. It will show that you care about her. So ask her for some advice and so some online research yourself.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (16 October 2015):
She’s not putting pressure on you, so why are you putting it on yourself? She is reassuring you but you’re not listening. She knows you’re not experienced but she chooses to continue in a sexual relationship with you. Does that tell you nothing? Accept that this is going to be a learning process and take note of the advice to keep communicating with her, asking her to tell you what turns her on and what feels good. The fact is, I’ve seen questions on here from sexually experienced guys who can’t bring a new woman to orgasm and they don’t know why. They’ll tell us how it was never a problem before. The reason, of course, is that every partner is different: they like different things and they respond in different ways. If your girlfriend is enjoying the sex and you’re trying your best to do what she likes, at least trust her enough to be confident that you’re satisfying her. Sex is (or should be) an expression of love. Do it with meaning and the intention of pleasing her as well as being pleased yourself, and you’re not being selfish.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 October 2015):
 When you included "....She says it's not a problem but I know it is....." I wondered WHOSE problem is it?????
Listen to her, and don't try to do her thinking for her...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (16 October 2015):
 Sexiness is in the head. You need to talk to her about what turns her on. It's different for different people.
Once you have an idea what she likes then you can only do your best.
There are also lots of self-help articles and books on how to please your partner. Some are better than others.
It really does depend on what she finds a turn on. Some women also find it difficult to orgasm it may not just be you. That's why talking can be the way to find out what's her thing. You aren't a mind reader after all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2015): stop thinking your a failure.She hasnt hung out with you and had loadsa practice sex to hear that you think your a male failure. Get it right.You da man.Shes been kissing you and hugging you and making you feel wanted and letting you experience her intimately and then you want to have an attitude like that?Get it correct. You daaa maaaaannnn!!! Yep she likes you.No, after all thatstuff she loves you.You been havin a fine ol time.Oops..did she forget to mention a secret door to her cumming...well more like a secret lock!No more like a secret lock on a secret safe that keeps all the secrets to how she comes...Here is your challenge and you make it your mission to locate it and try different lock combinations...You know just start off slow and see if you can hear any changes, like listening for that clicking sound when your undoing a safe ..or even a change of gear!This should keepyou going till xmas so dont get back here moaning you aint done it.Your just an ordinary guy but at least you got the guts to want to find out why?That already puts you in the smarter than average category so i'm guessing your a keeper!Crossword challenge: what starts with c and ends with s? Think upon it. All day long till you got the answer.Now this thing apart from being like a lunar rocket and a hidden elephants trunk is bit like a cake bowl full of cake ready to be mixed...and you dear man are d stirrer!Yep, starting with fingers you figure it out.You may get sticky fingers in the process but one day you gonna feel that cake rising and steamin and heat start streamin' maybe the gf start screamin and moaning.But remember you are not a pneumatic drill!You are not crating concrete! You cannot force a woman to orgasm. Woman is like a delicate flower with many hidden secretsYou will findout the secrets if you try..
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