A
male
age
36-40,
*elloMyNameis29
writes:Dear Cupid,Long story short, I met this amazing woman at the hospital I work at (a nurse), and we have been talking since the beginning of the year. She says she loves me, and her son looks up to me like a father. I honestly felt we had a solid foundation of trust and respect.One day, however, one of my friends who is also a co-worker of mine tells me he saw her grinning over one of the physical therapist lap, laughing and too close for a woman who is in a committed relationship to be. He said they were closer than arm level and he was jealous for me. I ended up telling my friend that he was being messy, and she was just being friendly, until I addressed the situation with her to let her know I trust her and don't believe my friend's story. Here's where this gets interesting. She accuses me of being jealous even though I said I trusted her, and the man she was apparently flirting with is engaged to one of my best friends. She almost breaks up with me, but we clear the air.Fast forward to yesterday... I'm on the elevator with a patient and the lift stops on her floor. I survey the area to see if anyone else wants to ride the elevator and to my left, I see my girlfriend in the corner with the physical therapist way closer than arms length, standing together this time, with her showing her teeth just as my friend described to me. I smiled at her when I initially saw her then I noticed him and she gave me that uh-oh look. She then continued her conversation with him as the elevator door closed. She always tells me I'm attentive to her and no other man has treated her the way I have treated her, and she trusts me, however, it made me feel disrespected, not jealous, when I saw her closer than arms length to another man just as my friend described. I took her side the first time, but now I don't know what to believe. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong?
View related questions:
best friend, co-worker, engaged, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 I think her reaction of almost breaking up with you was extreme. Maybe she didn't like it when you talked to your friend about it. It made her feel exposed and embarrassed. If she's not the kind to cheat, she's a natural flirt. Did you say she sat on the physical therapist's lap? That's the kind of flirting that gets people in trouble. Natural flirts are happy with themselves and they give attention to everyone, not just singling one out. I think your friend is coming from a place of neutrality, which means he's not jealous of you or want you to break up with her for selfish reasons.
I don't think you are overreacting or wrong. You have valid reasons to suspect she could be cheating. After you saw them from inside the elevator, her demeanor was dismissive when she should have introduced you to him or to reassure you afterwards that their friendship was harmless. I see two clues here that showed that she's not as serious towards you as you had thought. It was so easy for her to break up with you and I think she was trying to pin the problem on you, shifting the blame. Also apparently she is not flirty with you in private. It's as if she sees men with two purposes and they can't be combined in one person. One is for emotional connection, a substitute father for her son and another for sexual passion and excitement. At the end your concerns for respect were not addressed. I am guessing her background is such that she grew to not respect men, or not used to men who are nice to her; and is attracted to men who are taken, or men who are bad boys.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (8 October 2015):
"I addressed the situation with her to let her know I trust her and don't believe my friend's story."
Good sir...This is not trust. If you trusted her you would not even bring it up in the first place, because you knew it was nonsense.
So what if she is closer than an arms length to a man? Heck, they could be hugging for all you care.
FACT...NO WOMAN IS PROPERTY OF A MAN.
FACT...There are NO rules to say a woman should act a certain way to make you feel comfortable. She makes HER own rules based on how "SHE" feels about you. The more love and respect she gets from you, the more she will want to stay away from other men.
FACT...Where is it written that she will be yours forever??? A woman shows interest in you, and now you want arms length away from other men? Show me the book your parents gave you that says any girlfriend must follow these rules or else??
Jealousy will destroy any relationship...call it disrespect if you want. But if she is talking to any man and you have issues with it...that is called being jealous.
By the way... You not trusting her...disrespectful :) See...it goes both ways.
I bet you would not like it if she was all over you regarding any girl you spoke to. Sure...you may say "I would have no problem with that, because I know she loves me." Sounds good at first, but gets ugly real fast.
Question...If she decided to start dating the guy she is talking to...what will you do??? Lose your mind? Beat the guy up? Beat her up? Yell and scream? Cuss her and him? Spread bad rumours all over? What will you do??
You move on to the next woman...Done. There are billions of women in this world, and you are worried about ONE WOMAN not being arms length away from a guy. WOW.
She is not yours now...NEVER IS...AND NEVER WILL BE. She is a gift, a blessing. Treat her right, and you will get that in return. Even if it's not her...always treat her right.
Want a woman to stay with you maybe until death do you part???...TREAT HER THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE HER TO TREAT YOU !!!
Being jealous is one of the dumbest things people do...and gets you nowhere fast.
Most men lose their women because they treat them the way you treat a case of beer. They are only nice to her when they want a beer. Treat her like the beer store...a place where you can get all you the beer need to drink.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 Hon, I am a bit confused here, are you in an exclusive relationship with her? Or are you just friends?
If you are in a relationship, then perhaps some relationship counselling will help, to help her with her boundaries and both of you with communication.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 In my opinion your gut reaction is right. She isn't ready to have the kind of relationship you clearly want. She is perhaps enjoying being fancy free and doesn't want a full-on association with anyone.
You don't tell us what stage you are at with her or how long this has been going on.
I suggest you back off a bit. You don't own this woman.
...............................
|
