A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was traveling Western Europe for a month with a friend and when we were in Lisbon, we stayed at the same hostel for about 3 nights. I got to know one of the guys from the reception, we were making out one evening (me intoxicated), and the next evening we slept together (hey dont judge, could use a little fun now and then). All in all nothing special, he was cute and kind, but not entirely someone I could see myself with.We added each other on facebook and from the day I got home, he's been messaging me nearly every day, with annoying sappy cheesy stuff. Actually the first message he sent me was that he "dreamed of me, and we lived together in my [my city]". And then stuff like he can't stop thinking about me, I'm a beautiful person inside and out, blablablabala. EVERY DAY.I told him at some point that it was too much and he needed to tone down on the romantic stuff as it is making me less and less interested and he did for the most part but still messaging me asking me how I am etc. Problem is he just wrote out of the blue last week that he "has booked the trip and the hostel to [my city]" for a total of 6 days. Mind you I never even asked him to come here (it's a 3h flight), all I ever said was we will see each other when I go back to Lisbon (which I was serious about, I LOVED Lisbon). I told him I don't like it that he just booked it without asking me. He said he "could not ask me since that is the week his boss gave him vacation" (??? that doesn't mean he HAS to come to my town!) and he always wanted to go to my city, that I just helped him "make that decision".I have not written much to him since, but I feel like I only have 2 options:1) tell him that I won't meet him when he comes here --- which I would feel kind of bad about, since he is not a bad person or anything, but I just dont feel like meeting.2) suck it up and meet him like 1 day out of the 6 days he is here? I realllly dont want to meet though.well what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2015): I can tell you this: though you can make all kinds of story tales he will deffinitely be crashed. Why don't you meet for 1 day just to see how it goes?,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): Be as straightforward and honest with him as you were in your post. You simply don't wish to meet-up with him and you're not romantically interested. Insist that he stop with romantic remarks; because you're not interested in him that way. Don't be mealy-mouthed or wishy-washy. Be serious.
You'll hurt his feelings lying or withholding the truth; so you may as well be blunt. Being nice didn't work; he considers that either uncertainty, or just playing hard to get. So tell him that if he can't control how he feels you simply would not like to meet him when he comes to your city. Then cut-off contact until he realizes you aren't kidding.
He was smitten, because he met a beautiful girl in a romantic European city, with all the romantic trappings.
It's a dream or fantasy for anyone who has ever experienced such a thing. It will eventually wear-off, but it will happen sooner if you're just blunt about your feelings.
Then he will finally tone it down.
It's not being mean to stop someone from falling for you. It's mean when you play them along. He may only like you and feels you expect him to treat you nicely and not like a one-night stand. He seems to be a nice guy, but far too pushy. Set your boundaries, girlfriend! You started it out with easy sex, so it opened the wrong door. Nip it at the bud!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 October 2015):
 Did he ask or mention to met up with you? Or is he just assuming if he shows up you will want to met up?
Does he know where you live? or have your phone number?
If you don't want to met, then don't.
OR just met up for a lunch or coffee and see how you feel about it.
You DO NOT owe this guy anything, just because you slept with him and he is infatuated with you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 October 2015):
 Yes, make an excuse if you don't want to see him. Does he know your address? You can be out of town that date. Don't be pressured into meeting someone if you don't want to or don't have to.
You have been naive in thinking that your fun evening wouldn't have consequences. You got yourself into this. You encouraged his messages. Now you have to get yourself out of it.
Perhaps a little honesty wouldn't hurt. Put the guy straight about your feelings - or lack of them.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (3 October 2015):
 If you haven't told him he can visit he might've just assumed you were free, but you can just tell a little lie and say you're not going to be around as you're on your own holiday?
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