A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone 3Things are getting out of control here and I could really appreciate some help!I’m painfully in love with my best friend. He is fun and at the same time he’s conservative, he is sometimes gentle and some other times really cynical and ironic and of course he’s completely inexperienced with women. I met him two years ago and I started to flirt with him immediately after he broke up with his girlfriend. We could talk for hours and he seemed to fancy me in every way. But he never went for the kiss in spite of his constant flirt with me. I had decided to tell him how I feel when he left for a trip and he came back distant and indifferent. Although we kept talking constantly he didn’t encourage me to make a move and he started to tease me in a rude-mean way even though I never really provoked him. After summer holidays I thought that I was over him but we managed to spend two days together and I fell for him more deeply than before. All this time he was getting meaner and manipulative with me, since he was clearly flirting with me when we were together but he was always ignoring my calls and messages when I was trying to talk to him. I managed to convince myself that I was over him but during summer-time we started to go out just the two of us. He never made a move rather than flirting with me and at the same time rejecting me when I was responding, though I have to admit that he became more gentle with me, almost like he used to be. At some point we took some days off together and he tried to kiss me. I gently pushed him back, because I couldn’t force myself to live this pain again, and he disappeared from my life for a month. All this time I kept thinking how much I love him, not only as a boyfriend but also as my very best friend, so I decided to tell him exactly how I feel. I asked him out and after a very uncomfortable date I managed to text him that “I think I like him”. He answered me that he was leaving for a trip and that we would “discuss it later”. Although he referred to that night a couple of times we never really talked about it and we now manage to pretend that nothing happened. He even started to flirt with me again and of course to totally ignore my rare calls and messages. As for those who wonder why I even care about such a bipolar a..hole, I can only say that I have had a difficult childhood which probably explains why I’m kinda turned on by rejection and all those hard-to-get crap. Although I have to admit that he makes me truly happy sometimes, not only because I feel an ill-proud when he compliments me but also because he knows how to listen to me and make me have fun. Even though it sounds unbelievable I’m the only person with whom he gets affective and protective which is perfectly reasonable for a guy who prefers to show no feelings whatsoever.I feel trapped since I don’t want to lose my best friend but I can’t bear to be near him without been in real pain. Is he even interested in me or will he dump me immediately after we have sex? I’m now in total depression. I feel that my life is meaningless and boring to the point that I believe my personality to be that of a total pushover. What should I do? How will I ask him if he likes me without risking our precious and fragile friendship? I can’t let him go because I love him too much but this game has sucked up all of my energy and I really hate myself for loving him. Please answer me soon, I REALLY NEED SOME SAVING 3
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 September 2013):
 OP, I really think you need to focus your attention away from him and back to your difficult childhood and why you get turned on by rejection. I know it's sometimes easier to focus/ obsess about something/ someone else rather than address the real issues, but that's what I think you should be doing.
He sounds like a mess. You don't want to end up in a toxic, co-dependent relationship with him, or any other messy man for that matter. Even the friendship is toxic: it's fragile, and he's rude, mean and manipulative.
I think you should make new friends, healthy ones, and consider talking to your GP about getting counselling.
All the best x
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (15 September 2013):
 You need to be careful, there is obviously something in the way this guy treats you that, as you say turns you on, so you are drawn to him. You are instinctively drawn to things that are bad for you and that are draining. He isnt being affectionate at all, he is being protective but his agenda is not to care for you but control you. These things can be easily confused.
He wont be with you and you need to accept that, but neither will he let you be with anyone else because he gets something from the connection you have. You have to wake up to this one. The flirting is to keep you close, to give you hope that one day you will achieve what you want. You wont and until you realise that the hold he has over you wont be broken.
Stop hating yourself as well, that wont help. You are not meaningless, you are not boring and you are not a pushover but you feel that way because this has been so draining for you. The more you feel negative about yourself though the greater hold he has. Be strong, make the decision for yourself and let this go because its going nowhere, good luck xx
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A
male
reader, j127 +, writes (15 September 2013):
If I were you I would avoid him like the plague. My daughter's partner is bipolar: he is controlling, manipulative, often insulting and definitely living in a world of his own. I have given up hope on people with serious bipolar disorder ever getting out of their problems without professional help.....which they often refuse to have.
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