A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:I was 4,5 years in beautiful relationship.It was really strong,we were planning to get married and have kids.It was a distance relationship but we were seeing each other often.I was supposed to move to him,after i graduate from faculty this year...and few month before it was about to happen we broke up.We had stupid argument,and since than he changed.In the heat of argument we both decided to break up,but i really didnt want it.I tried to remain prideful,but as the time passed,i lost my pride and ask him to make up,he refused.After that he was texting me,but still didnt know what he wants.I was first ignoring but that i started contact with him again,skyping and he was insisting on seeing each other.First i denied,cause he still wasnt sure of what he wants,but than i realised that i have to see him in order to know where i m standing,cause i obviously cant let it go :(I went to him,cause its easier to be alone,due to the fact i have a roommate.First two days were terrible,cause he seemed like a stranger,the house i used to live partly in with him seems so cold....but than next 5 days were beautiful.He was kissing me,cuddling,calling me names,we were going to cinema,to diner,went shopping together...i could see in his eyes that he loves me and i m sure of that 100%.But when i was about to leave,he still didnt want to make up.His excuses were that he cant be with the person who s pointing finger at him all the time(cause i was blaming him for not doing the ''moving'' earlier).How he loves me,and even though we function so good on many things,he cant stand pointing fingers,than the fact that i m prideful.Than how its my fault i didnt move before,and how he cant sleep alone,live alone.Than how i m more family-oriented than business and he needs woman who will bite,and go over dead to earn money.And how we just dont understand each other anymore.I was in total shock.First of all,we grew up together and he got so much better with me,and if i was nagging or pointing finger it was to encourage him and make him better.Second,the moving was about to happen this year.Than the job thing,i am a student,and i have flawless education,economy student,finished music school,speak 5 languages and i m studying so that one day i can have a good job,and he s the one that didnt finish anything and i never put him down,but the truth in his saying is that i really care more for family and house than money like him.That being prideful,i asked him to make up and i went to him.He said how it didnt happen over night,how he s not happy and doubting cause of those things for half a year already,but i was there,he was crazy about me,telling me how he wants to marry me,how his biggest fear is to lose me.So basically everything he says doesnt have sense :(It really hurts,cause i know we love each other,and i invested so much in this relationship.I loved him,was always there for him,never checked on him,never made him problems,traveled everywhere with him, cook for him,clean after him ,surprised him a lot,his family loved me,had amazing sex and that was still the same.So after hearing him say that,i told him how i cant keep stretching this and how i ll cut every contact with him once i go back.He agreed and cried,and i almost never saw him crying.After i caught a flight to my country,he texted me how it was the hardest thing in his life to see me go,how he cant stop crying,how he s sorry he couldnt be the man for me,how he s selfish and how he will never contact me again and leave me alone.But after few days he send me a picture of some cute thing i once bought him and i didnt reply,like i promised.I m still in shock,dont know what happened to him over night,how could he just let me go after everything,how couldnt he give it a chance at least.Why didnt he fight for it,when i know he still loves me and obviously still doubts :(I dont think he has another woman,but did he got cold feet?This sounds funny,but maybe i was too good to him and he felt like he had me on plate and could play like that?He also started going to gym and made profile on fb,ad didnt have it before :(I m really trying to move on,but its so hard :( I could really appreciate someones advice,who had experience with something similar or understands situation cause i dont. :( I just think that he s still immature but i love him so much,and i cut contact cause i thought that that will make him see what he is loosing
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 What is going on in this guys life because taking your word that there isnt somebody else involved, this sounds like textbook depression, his moods seem erratic, he is cold and distant with you when he obviously loves and cares for you, and the crying. Cold feet is a possibility but this sounds like there is alot more in play than that.
Is he having a hard time money wise? Has he had a recent bereavement? Has he had previous bad relationship experiences? If the latter is the case maybe your impending move acted as the 'trigger' to unearth some of these old feelings? Alot of possibilities exist, including the possibility that your wrong about the other woman but I see that one as being remote. It seems more like to me that something has set off a bout of depression.
Try and talk to him and get to the bottom of what is going on in his life because I think you need too for your own emotional well being or else you will spend ages wondering what went wrong and not even be able to achieve closure. Good luck.
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