A
female
age
41-50,
*ock chic
writes:Hi this isn't a problem as such but something that is bothering me. I am currently single and have been for just over two years, iv dated quite a bit over that time, I have no problem getting a date or a man (sounds big headed I don't mean it too!) But im in a place in my head where I feel I should be single forever as I may be happier without a man, when I see ppl in relationships they just seem unhappy and iv never had the best relationships in the past, I suppose what I'm asking is is this normal feelings, am I now scared of commitment? In the past iv never been single longer than 8 months, usually just a couple, now I am a mum (daughter 5) I'm very picky and no one seems good enough why do u feel like I should be alone forever? Does anyone else feel this way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dear george +, writes (29 December 2013):
if you are not with your daughters father, it could be that you don't trust, or do not think that any man, is good enough to able to take her fathers place. On the other hand you seem to have lots of men who don't match up to what you want or expect, I don't see any problem as such ,you have no problem with meeting men, just go along with your feelings, but tell anyone you meet, the way you feel, and you don't want commitment at the moment, just relax it will come to you when you find the right one, you will know. good luck.
Dear George
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I don't see anything wrong or abnormal with wanting to remain single. If you can support yourself and your kid and if you have supportive family and friends, then you will never be truly alone.
The world has changed a great deal in the last 20 years, there are now more single person households than at any other time (globally) and divorce rates are at their highest. Its OK to have high standards and hold out for what you want, in fact, when you have a child, it's a must.
I think, as women, we were all raised on the fairytale ending, but real life isn't really like that and it's quite acceptable to date casually as it suits you and not want to get too involved.
Just go on as suits you and don't worry about the future, someone may come along in good time, but if not, don't let it be the main focus of your life because there is too much else out there to bring you happiness and fulfilment.
I am a bit older than you, I date when it suits me and dump when it doesn't. Sometimes I like a huge big break from men so I can travel or focus on friends and family. I also know I probably couldnt live with someone again as my home is a peaceful, cosy haven which I have just as I like.
Just go with how you feel, embrace the single time you have because you don't half miss it when it's gone.
Enjoy today, because it could all be changed tomorrow xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 You are certainly not alone. When you have a child you have to pay a babysitter or bother your parents when your child needs mostly you. A romantic relationship is refreshing at the start but after that it is a sacrifice to your personal time and your time with your child, and not to mention a couple hours of sleep. You've got to be picky otherwise it's not worth it. Maybe you'll find somebody or maybe you'll not. The point is not to stress out over it. It's not only normal, but I think more single moms should focus on their own happiness rather than being desperate for a mate.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Hmmm well you dont sound scared to me, what it honestly sounds like is you want the occasional social activity, bit of fun and flirting maybe, since youve dated while remaining single and your pretty content with your lot. I dont see any harm in carrying on doing what your doing as long as the people you date know the score and you dont start leading them to believe there could be more when you are making it clear here that isnt on the cards. Other people will feel in a similar way to you and you can proceed on that basis.
I dont think you should second guess that too much - maybe your picky because you have a child and need to protect them, maybe your picky because its a way of protecting yourself, the point is this is what is right for you right now, doesnt mean it will be the case forever, it probably wont be (but then again it possibly could be), and overthinking it just will cause your unnecessary bother. Your not causing anybody any harm so carry on, c est la vie, different strokes for different folks and different courses for a variety of horses, dont question yourself, your not abnormal or in the wrong, this is just what is right for you.
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