A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months (it's a serious relationship and we have met and everything). For the past month or so things have changed. He hasn't been so 'into' me like he used to be and I haven't been getting much attention from him where as he used to always be wanting to talk and be with me.I tried talking to him earlier about it and he says he has been really busy with work and that he's not intentionally trying to be this way. I understand this and I'm not mad or anything it's just I'm a little disappointed that he can't find hardly any time for me anymore and he used to always find time for me before no matter what his work situation was like.I'm just really starting to miss talking to him because we even go several days without talking on the phone or video calling on skype where as before we did this every day. I guess what is upsetting me the most is it doesn't really seem like a huge deal to him. It seems like it doesn't really matter to him if we talk or don't. He does say he still loves me and everything will be fine but this lack of communication and attention is starting to worry me. Since this is a long distance relationship our relationship is pretty much based on communication and it's lacking a lot on his part lately. I'm not trying to blame it on him but I've tried a few times now to bring this up to him and not much has changed. I really love him and really want this to work out. Am I worrying and making a big deal about nothing? How can I handle this better? I have not been nagging him or anything but I don't want to end up pushing him away, I just wish he would talk to me more like he used to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): I have been talking to my friend who lives far away and he always texts me and even though we haven't spoken on the phone or met yet the key word is communication. When I don't hear from him for a while I try to just see that maybe he is busy or taking care of his kids, because I know it can be hard when you are worrying about someone. So now if I am ever in a LDR relationship with him we will always talk about it. I have a lot of time on my hands and I try to keep busy doing things. I can really understand that you need more from him. We crave that attention in a relationship and it's not that you would be nagging him. Telling you how you feel let's him know that you still care. Actions always speak louder than words. We also have to have trust and without that we can think all sorts of things.Don't worry too much and just talk it out. Always expresshow you feel so that you know where you stand.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 I think this is one of the pitfalls of LDR's. As you rightly say they are based on communication which 'fills the space' which is left by your inability to see each other as frequently as if you lived closed together. I think your unspoken fear is that the relationship is drifting and thats why this is bothering you so much.
Are you worrying over nothing? Possibly, yes. It could just be that the 'honeymoon' phase of your relationship is over for him, that doesnt mean he loves you less, its something that happens in all relationships as people settle into them. However, it is probably less of a problem in a relationship that is not long distance when this might mean you communicate less but see each other more. Relationships dont maintain their initial intensity forever, other things, like work, start to intrude etc.
Nothing you say here suggests that there is something going on that you should be too worried about, nothing suggests there is any other explanation for his behaviour other than the one he has given so you need to keep that firmly in mind. I would talk to him again, try and be constructive and use "I feel" so its not seen as a nag ut you expressing how you feel. However, you also need to be prepared to make adjustments yourself in the sense accepting this maybe something entirely natural and nothing to worry about.
You need to keep your mind occupied so your not worrying about not talking with your bf so spend time with friends etc, whatever will keep your mind occupied and not worrying. Good luck.
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