A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles! Have a bit of dilemma!I started seeing a guy at the beginning of the year, after a week i wasn't sure about him , i guess i got a little nervous and i admit i am very insecure at times due to being treated badly in the past. so i panicked and bailed with excuses.A few days later, he got in contact saying he missed me, so after i had time to think and calm myself i agreed to see him again.things were great for about 3 months! i really liked the guy, hes hardworking, sincere and well everything i wanted in a guy.but again my insecurities reared their ugly head and i panicked and bailed again... i had it in my head that i wasnt good enough for him. that i didnt deserve him. by this point hed had enough and stopped contact.I hounded him for about a week with messages , trying to apologise and explain myself, but he didnt want to know.i left it for a few months then i told him i missed him, and he replied that he missed me too.then id go a couple weeks not hearing anything, then hed drop me another little message, then again...no contact, then hed drop me another message id reply and again no contact.Confused the life out of me i could not get this guy into a conversation at all! i know he works alot but its takes what? 2 minutes to reply to a message?About 2 weeks ago, i asked how he was and he asked me to meet him after i finished work, so i agreed to, but he fell asleep! then he got in touch saying hed come over one night in the week (last week) then on the day he had to work! (this was meant to be his only night off in the week). So i asked him if hed prefer me to go to meet him in his town , that would be easier...totally ignored me! a day later i asked if he was ok, he replied telling what he was doing at work some live entertainment hed got on. i dont get this guy at all. He just seem like hes not got the time or even if hes bothered to try see me again. i dont know what to do now. in the last 2 weeks several guys have asked me for my number and i always refused, but last night i didnt , i gave another guy my number as i was so fed up with the guy i want, not talking to me!truth is i dont wanna move on, i dont think he does either but how much more time will have to pass before we actually sort this out , meet and talk? is he string me along? if so why? can anyone shed some light? or advise? thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): People tend to really be focus on getting something together they are busy. Its not a excuse its reality especially after dissing him and bailing on him. I look at it like this if you do it once you will bail and diss again and I would be busy focusing on my affairs and people who stick and stay and dont diss and bail. If you text him let him know you bailed or dissed him cause of the real reason explain and go from there. At times though we miss opportunities that want return and if or when they do its with someone else more suited for the task and situation. They most likely know why you bailed it happen before to me and this person hates me and wont even communication at all with me.I bailed on them at messed up time for them when they really needed me but it was cause of my children not my ex.The bottom line is its a every so great missed opportunity that I wasn't insecure about it was not the correct time I feel. I had work which I lost my job then I was with someone now Im not and I have children which are not with me. I was the head of my responsibilities I wasn't able to just not diss her then and leave her out without me.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I think you may have to chalk this one up as 'one that got away' and write it off as a learning experience. I don't think this is that complicated, although it was due to your insecurities, you sent mixed signals, now the guy is at best doing the same. He obviously doesnt think your serious so isnt making a serious effort either.
Jannie made a really good point, if he is insecure, the signals you sent will have made that worse and could explain his current coolness to you. I think rather than bombard him, take the opposite approach, move on, give your number to other guys, back right off and see if the guy you really want comes back to you - if he does it was meant to be, if he doesnt, then it is something you are meant to learn from. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 It sounds like insecurity got the best of you, but as soon as you want to give him a try, you learn that he's too busy for dating or his busyness was his excuse. Either way you should keep looking and give other guys a chance. How do you know he doesn't also have insecurity issues? When you are finally ready for dating you would attract the right guys for you.
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