A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi my boyfriend broke up with me as he felt we didn’t click and he said he should be falling for me but he isn’t. He also said he’s not been happy.I am so confused about this break up. Things were great at the beginning of the relationship. We were excited to see each other, we were close, we talked and text, we made future plans and we were happy to be with each other. He made my b’day special, be brought me perfume, booked my favourite meal and booked a hotel. I was a virgin and he didn’t pressure me to have sex. I wanted to wait until I was ready. He said all he wanted to do is make me the happiness woman. He said he couldn’t imagine me out of his life. I lost my job and I didn’t feel good about myself and I was feeling down. He know I lost my job and tried to cheer me up. When I met up with him, I just tried to focus on the positivity which was our relationship. I eventually lost my virginity to him. He introduced me to his mates and they said that I was good for him. Once he went out and was very drunk and sent me a text saying love you. We were going to meet up with them again. He called me his princess. He was broke and tight on money but he brought me a £90 watch for my xmas present. My watch was broken but I never asked for a watch from him. Sometimes I did distant myself from him as I was feeling down about my job. I didn’t have much to talk to him as I am staying at home and unemployed.The last two weeks of our relationship, I noticed he was making excuses for me not to stay over but he did text me everyday and asked how I am. I noticed when I tried to make plans with him he’d already made plans with his friends. It’s only the last 2 weeks that I’ve noticed his behaviour has changed. Then he broke up with me. I know he is tight with money and his department is closing down so he’s been looking for a new job. It’s taken me 3years to get in touch with him as we previously lost touch. When we first met, there was an instant attraction and he said he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He asked me to be his girlfriend a month later when we met. I don’t understand how we don’t click, I have spoken to him through facebook but I want to meet him in person to talk about this break up. I don't know where I go from here. I do want him in my life. Do you think he doesn’t have any feelings for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): There is no point in meeting up to see what went wrong. If he has ended it then I would respect his decision. Early on in a relationship things seem fantastic, but as time goes by reality sets in. It happens. Asking to meet up to talk about what went wrong and being turned down will make you feel even worse. I would keep your self respect and accept how things have turned out and try to forget him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): Is this a typo?
"It’s taken me 3years to get in touch with him as we previously lost touch."
Maybe I got lost somewhere; but if you've been out of touch for that long, he couldn't possibly want to talk to you.
There is nothing further to discuss. If he wanted to find you; he would have tracked you down before now. You've obsessed over this for a long time. Don't you think it's time to lay it to rest?
When he said he couldn't imagine you out of his life; that was what he felt at the time. Feelings can change for countless reasons. In your case, his feelings changed enough to breakup with you.
People have suggested that you write to tell him how you feel; but I think it might disappoint you to discover that he may not care anymore.
The response you receive, if you get one at all; may not be what you want to hear. You want to hear that he still loves you. After a three-year absence and no attempt to reach you, the odds are highly probable he hasn't changed his mind. He told you he wasn't happy and you didn't click.
That's more than enough reason.
You need to find your own closure and move on. Your attempt to contact is really pleading for him to come back. Prepare for the possibility that will never happen.
The breakup was no doubt devastating for you. I recommend that you seek grief-counseling; and some therapy to help you move on. If after this much time has passed, and you have not been able to move forward, you may be suffering from depression.
My heart goes out to you. I've been in your shoes. I know how it hurts to breakup.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 You don't say how long you two have been dating. To me, the first six months are like a trial run. The first handful of months are spent figuring each other out and learning who the other is and what they're all about. and it's within that first 6 months span of time I will be able to figure out if that person is or is not compatible for me in a number of ways. Our personalities will clash in certain aspects, etc. For this reason, 90% of my relationships have ended within the first few months because we just weren't right for each other. They weren't bad people, they just weren't right for me. But once I breach that six month mark, I usually know we will have a good relationship. And the few that I've had that have lasted past that, have all been the serious relationships in my life.
It sounds entirely possible that your boyfriend was all about you, but as time has gone on, he has decided you're not what he's looking for. Which isn't a fault if yours. Everybody just has certain preferences they look for. And maybe this is what has happened.
I dated my ex for three months. I was crazy about her and loved being with her at first. But as the second and third month came around, I started to notice personality patterns that I didn't think matched with my own. she was a very type A personality and I'm very laid back and go with the flow. I realized that I couldn't be compatible with a person like this. She is a wonderful and kind person and has now met someone she is engaged to and happy with. We just weren't right for each other. maybe this is the case with him.
Anyway, contact him. Maybe he will agree to give you the closure you need.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (21 January 2014):
 I think there are a variety of possibilities and that is the problem here for you because you cant get closure. His behaviour seems to have changed suddenly and rather radically as well. There is no reason to think he doesnt have feelings for you (and indeed that could be a problem moving on); its possible that he feels bad because wants to provide so much for you but facing financial problems himself he is no longer able to do that and this is leading to him feel inadequate and therefore push you away.
I think you do need to meet him in person so you can get to the bottom of this and at the very least it would help you getting some closure. Sadly, you cant put a gun to his head and make him do it. All you can do is be open and honest about how you feel and throw yourself on his mercy, hopefully, he would decide that he at least owes you that much after cutting you loose.
Tell him how you feel, write it in a letter or email and send it to him then all you can do is wait. If he wont meet you you are going to have to find a way through this without his feedback; if he will then that is all good. Good luck.
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