A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My "girlfriend" is a couple years older then me and she has a wild past, relationship wise. My biggest problem is that I feel insecure about her behaviour, cause she still maintains contact to some of her fromer boyfriends and even to some f***buddies. Especially one of these, she seems to really like more then as friend and she told me that every time when they both were single they would have meet up for sharing the sheds...She knows this person for over 20 years now and when she talks about him she seems to be very excited and impressed, once she mentioned that he is kind of her personal consultant in relationship problems/ issues. Currently me and her are not exclusive dating...and she considers herself as still being single...She is a big flirt, very sexual and not very warm hearted. For her it´s casual but I do have strong feelings for her and I don´t want her to have sexual intercourse with whomever....Recently she said that right now our sex is the best for her, of all her experiences so far, but this might change someday... WTF?I really love her and for me it´s not all about sex, more like the feeling to be emotionally close to eachother. She seems to want to keep a distance between us, for unknown reasons. Sometimes we are really great together, having fun and for me it´s like a real "couple-feeling" and often it´s more like just meeting up for sex, and that´s it...Her mood switches a lot and emotionally she is pretty unpredictable.Am I wrong to feel a bit insecure regarding her behaviour??? What can I do about it? Any suggestions...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 You are not her boyfriend, you wrote: "For her it´s casual but I do have strong feelings for her and I don´t want her to have sexual intercourse with whomever....Recently she said that right now our sex is the best for her, of all her experiences so far, but this might change someday... WTF?"
You are a boyfriend-ish casual sex partner. She's made it very clear. Why are you sticking around if you want more?
If you were a woman writing in I'd be giving you the exact same advice. You are a casual sex partner wanting more. Your sex partner has been very clear regarding your relationship. You wanting and wishing for more isn't going to make it happen.
She keeps a distance for a reason. She's not your girlfriend. She considers herself to be single.
Why are you sticking around for this? You want more, she clearly is not the right candidate. Sorry, but she's been very clear. You are the one inventing a relationship where there is none beyond a casual sex thing.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 It's not paranoia if somebody is really out to get you. It's pretty obvious to me that it is not just your 'girlfriend's past but her current practice that is making you feel insecure and from where I am sitting this insecurity is perfectly understandable. She obviously has serious problems when it comes to commitment in relationships.
How do you solve that? Well, I am not sure there is any easy way that you can, for whatever reasons she is comfortable with this and doesnt seem likely to want to change. Her erratic moods suggests we are dealing with somebody here who has deep-seated issues.
I could tell you to walk away, but you probably wont, so instead the best advice I can give is you try to survive, to do that you might have to detach yourself a bit and try not to be pulled hither and tither by her moods and try to protect your heart from being torn to pieces. Easier said than done because it means you have to establish control over your emotions and build some barriers. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 January 2014):
You have something called retroactive jealousy. Search it here and you will get many hits.
Since this is a new relationship, as a former rj sufferer myself my advise to you is to move on. This will only get much worse. Worse because of more you find out and worse because of the greater emotional investment you have in her.
Honestly, cut your losses and move on. The mountain you need to climb is much much larger than you anticipate. Trust me.
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