A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello: there is this married guy at work who always complains and badmouths everythiing, pretty much, every one is miserable there...I'm happy all the time so people gravitate toward me. Well, this guy and I have common interests that revealed this chemistry beween us. There have been times where he would seek me out and hold me, telling me he loves me more that that..tells me I'm his favorite, he has even come out to see me perform a time or two with co workers. If he knows I will be somewhere after work with collegues, he will make it or try. He claims he dosen't get sex and that his marriage is mundane, but that's how it goes. Co workers who have heard this tale before i was hired in say he is not happy with his marriage. I thought perhaps he has taken a direct interest in me, and he has. Then he goes hot and cold, likes me then ingnores me, it's like what the heck, is this guy unstable.So I started observing him, he is a touchy feely kind of guy to every one in general, he likes making perverse comments, as some of the guys do, to others, but he always comes over to me more directly, more sexual..he'll say its their anniversary but the wifes not happy about it, I have noticed that His wife calls him several times a day every day, as if, she cannot cook a meal with out him confiming the temperature for her, it's weird. he has taken on her two girls from her 1st marriage, he has a son who he introduced me to, from his 1st marriage. Yet,he is always pleasant to her when she calls, but might garble negative remark on occasion when he hangs up, he even stated i don't know why i married her, yet is usually kind to her on the phone, laguh in voice when he speaks to her, and really she calls alot every day... Then he will come to me for hugs or affecetion, tell me he has fantasies of me in his head,hold me, tell me I'm sexy, or beautiful, call me gorgeaous in front of everyone,stare at me, and be friendly with me trying to become my friend cuz we have to work together... and there is this strange chemistry between us that, yes, get me going, then he'll ignore me, and say oh, I wasn't ignoring you, then be touchy feely, or say that he is ugly to me, as if to fish a positive comment out of me....WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY???? I thought maybe he really wanted to consider me instead of his wife, but yet he talks so kindly to her...they sound messed up to me, but can anyone tell me What IS UP WITH THIS GUY??? I go back to work directly with him again in two weeks
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male
reader, Jimmy11 +, writes (9 February 2009):
Forget the married guy. They will just exploit you. They always SAY they will leave their wife -- some day. Do not believe it. Tease this fool if you must, but do not date him. He will just bring you sadness. A wife can get violent if you mess with her man. You could even get fired. Never get involved with a not joyful person. They will not change and just bring you down in spirits.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): I agree with all of the other aunts here. This may sound harsh but you are grown woman at least 36 years old, do you really have to ask these questions? What's up with this guy?
You KNOW what is up with him, he is a lying, self centered back stabbing jerk. If he can do this to his own family then think what he will do to you when he doesn't get his way with you or gets tired of you should you give him what he is after?
Stop trying to make this about his wife. There is NOTHING wrong with her calling him throughout the day if that is their relationship, it means she thinks they are close or he has cheated on her before, rather recently, and he is having to prove he is trustworthy and he now resents it.
The lack of sex in their marriage (if even true) could just as be likely that he is turning her down because he is mad at her.....
He sounds like an unpleasant creepy person....any male coworker who is holding you and telling you they love you and how sexy you are, etc, is sexually harassing you.
Problem is, sexual harassment refers to UNWANTED sexual advances and you have welcomed them....so what is up with you?
If you want to get fired keep it up, all of it. Is he your superior, if you have a physical affair and his wife finds out about it, she will have him fire you and he will find some lame reason to do it, and you won't have a leg to stand on. All of your office coworkers will see you as the villain, the homewrecker.
My advice to you is to tell this guy to cut it out and if he continues, then report him and his harassment to your HR department and make a complaint. My further advice to you is to examine why you would ever be flattered by the attentions of a married man and allow him to cross your personal boundaries....especially at work.
And seriously, what's up with you? You are old enough to know the answers to your own questions. Married men are absolutely off limits. For you and for their families, especially the wife. Do you really like the thought of yourself being a direct threat to her and her family, because you would be?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2009):
 My best advice is to NOT get involved. No matter how much his bad mouth his wife and how little sex he "get" from her, he is married. That means OFF limits.
Seems like he is trying to get you to be his little
office" fling. A wise man once said, don't shit where you eat. Meaning don't date where you work. He can make the work place a living hell for you if things don't go his way.
Keep your contact to work stuff and that is it. You will regret it if you do start something with him..
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (9 February 2009):
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to stay married b/c it's convenient, b/c of the finances, b/c the kids are attached, etc. But he also wants to have a mistress on the side. Do you really want to play his games? Don't lower yourself to his level. And it's just plain WRONG, ethically and morally speaking. And don't forget, when you have a romantic entanglement at work, it can become very messy when it doesn't work out. If you value your job and your self-esteem, and if you have any conscience, then don't get mixed up with him. It might even benefit you to report him for sexual harassment. Otherwise, you might find yourself out of a job when you spurn his advances (he may create some scenario in an effort to oust you). It's better if it is documented ahead of time, to protect yourself.
What is up with this guy? He's a jerk, plain and simple. Not to mention two-faced and spineless. He complains about his wife and his marriage, yet when he interacts with her, he acts as though everything is status quo. Think about it.
Do the right thing - stay away from him, and don't do anything to encourage his behavior. Only interact with him on a professional level, when you absolutely have to. Make sure that co-workers know what's going on, to protect yourself and your job.
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