A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:MY boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 weeks now. Everything seems great and we get along so well. But last night he said I love you to me so it freaked me out and I made him leave and go home... He kept justifying hiself saying he was truly in love with me and all this. He said it took him 6 months to say that to his ex bf when I asked him.... I told him he truly doesnt know me and love is not possible after 2 weeks.... not exactly sure what to do...I think we might be broken up after I told him to leave... not sure though...Should I still give him a chance or is this a runaway type of sign?
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (4 February 2009):
Though he is not necessarily a manipulator, controller, or abuser, he is possibly one. This is one of the early signs, though by no means a slamdunk when it comes to recognizing these personalities.
However, go with your gut and be cautious. The fact that his telling you this so early on is making you uncomfortable is your brain sounding an alarm bell.
It is possible to experience love at first sight. It is possible to just feel early on that someone is the right one for you. In an overwhelming gush of emotions, it can become difficult to contain ourselves, hence we spontaneously spill the words prematurely. But generally speaking, as we get older and mature, we learn to control ourselves, sit back, watch, and wait. We have had enough dating and relationship and probably marriage experience to know it's more practical to take our time, just to make sure, and get to know the other person first. It's okay to really like the other person from the start, but it's best if we can pull back the reins in terms of love and moving too fast. The rational side of most people's brains says, "it takes time to get to know someone, and to truly tell if we feel love for them". The rational side of our brain reminds us of how many times we thought someone was great for the first few months, only to find out 3-6 months into it that we cannot tolerate their "other side". My oldest son's (he is almost 27) philosophy is not to get serious with a girl until he's been dating her for at least 18 months. I am so glad he thinks along these lines. It can only benefit him. If a girl is unwilling to wait that long for him to get serious, then she is not the right one for him, and he is confident enough to know this.
Be careful. This happened to me. I tried to hold back and take my time, b/c I really did like this guy from the start. I just didn't feel as though I loved him.
However, he was very hard to resist, b/c he was so attentive, charming, seemingly sincere, romantic, treated me well, the whole nine yards. He bent over backwards to do anything he could for me. Pretty soon I found myself saying those 3 little words back to him, though I didn't really love him...however, I was in love with the way he treated me, and I got confused. I also think on some level I was saying it out of obligation, b/c he had been saying it to me for some time. He was rushing me, and I allowed him to rush me and pressure me in subtle ways.
Here I am 2-1/2 years later, living under the same roof with him, feeling as though I am in over my head, emotionally and psychologically speaking. He has some very serious mental issues. On a list written by a licensed psychologist of 20 items depicting behaviors of manipulators, controllers, and abusers, he has exhibited 16 of them (one of them being that he moved too fast in the beginning, expressing his love for me two weeks after meeting)! They've come out slowly and very subtly, over time, before I realized what was happening. However, my gut kept telling me there's more than meets the eye here. I just kept denying that, b/c I couldn't believe someone who treated me so well on the surface, who did all these things for me, could be capable of such devious behavior. Now I know better.
Listen to your gut. You don't have to dismiss him outright just yet. But watch carefully for signs that he is unstable. If you start to find your self-esteem suffering, but you feel confused and you can't quite put your finger on anything in particular - or you can, but you keep going into denial or trying to dismiss it, b/c it just doesn't make any sense - then examine his behavior very closely. He may well be the culprit.
These relationships start out great, but before you know what's happening, you're hooked, and the downward spiral begins. Without your even realizing it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I think he is probably immature in relationships we all had our teenage crush faze. I would stick with to see how things progress. Try to avoid sex for a while.
I think to call him a possible abuser or mental case is a bit of a quantum leap.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): People can fall in love head over hears in a very short amount of time. It might not even be him, it may be you! He might just like you that much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): He could be a narcissist or an abuser or have any other mental problem. Usually these kind of people are toooo nice at the beginning of the relationship and rush with things too much. But ask yourself is it real? If it's too good to be real then it probably is.
Look out for other red flags, and be careful with this guy.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 its a bit too quick to make it real. i would be wary of any proposals that co-occur. still see him but cause some form of space for a while to test the waters
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A
female
reader, a_seidner06 +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I don't think you should stop seeing this guy, but as i agree with the other answer, just not be Physically intamate with him. Get to each other. He may be in love with the fact of being in love and he feels strongly about you. I think that is the reason why he told you this, ust test out the waters. Make sure nothing changes, like his attitude towards you and tell him you didnt mean to freak out when he told you, that you werent expecting that. Let me know how things go. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): I think it is a red flag to tell someone you love them after only two weeks....what he probably is meaning is he is in lust.....I would just put the brakes on and not get too intimate physically with him just yet,,,get to know him, tell him he needs to get to know you better and don't have sex with him to early....he may be wanting to just get into your pants quickly, he may be a con artist....who knows.....trust your intstincts they are always correct.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Perhaps he falls in love easily. What's so mysterious about that. Perhaps he stays in love.
There are all different flavours of people out there you know. I wouldn't be so hasty to dismiss him, your next guy may not fall in love with you at all.
Good luck
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