A
male
age
41-50,
*heambassador
writes:My partner of several years and I have reached a little bit of a turning point in our relationship.Although we have a fairly good sex life; as happens with a lot of couples who have been together for a long time we don't do it as often as we used to probably a couple of times at week tops.Recently we spoke quite candidly about our sex life and how to keep things interesting, and although I am not a prude I guess i am a little less adventurous than my partner.Both of us quite like the idea of a threesome with another guy, however, and here is the big sticking point, as much as I quite like the idea, the fantasy if you like, of a three way, I am not sure that the reality would be quite as satisfying.I don't want to open the relationship up for regular sex with a third or more - I do see sex with my partner as something intimate and loving and the idea of inviting other guys into the bedroom really seems sordid and at odds with my view of what constitutes a partnership - at the same time I don't want to completely refuse the idea, because it sounds like it could be a lot of fun.One of things I have picked up on from others about this subject is that sometimes one of the people involved can end up feeling left out and hurt.It's a big risk to take I guess, how is the damage undone if it goes wrong? Can you ever get back to where you were?Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): i've had a foursome (me plus 3 girls) if you are easy going & so is your partner it'll be fun - if you think too much about stuff then introducing another wild card (guy) into your relationship is TROUBLE. just my pov.
A
female
reader, AuntLola +, writes (6 February 2009):
 A threesome is proberly some what of a fantasy to most people, but i guarentee not even a third of people actually try it.The best that could happen is it turns out to be one of the best sexual experiences you have ever had.The downfall could be it could change your relationship forever.I think that a threesome is atleast worth a go, but you should make rules about it before you do itYou cant just jump into something like this.You and your partner make an agreement that this is pleasure for the both of you, and not to be selfish.Also that no emotional connections should be made between you, your partner and the third person.You and your partner are in love and this other person is basically a test of your relationship.Also you should not make a threesome a regular thing, as when you have sex between just the two of you something will seem missing.A threesome should be delt with very carefully, but if you know what you are doing there is no harm is trying.Aunt Lolax
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (6 February 2009):
Talk to your partner and let him know if you haven't already, that though in theory and fantasy you like the idea and think it sounds rather fun, you are concerned about the aftermath and don't want to ruin what you currently have. And that is a real possibility in this situation, from what I've read.
If you do move forward, you have to discuss any particular boundaries with your partner ahead of time, agree on them, and then communicate those boundaries to the third party when the time comes, just so everyone is on the same page. That still doesn't guarantee that someone won't suffer psychological repercussions after the fact.
I know of people who've done the threesome in a variety of ways, and though they admit it was very stimulating, erotic, and fun from a sexual viewpoint, they were having conflicting psychological fallout after, and regretted the experience. They moved forward b/c they wanted to please their partner, but then they ended up suffering for it, b/c they really were not completely comfortable with the whole idea to begin with.
It takes an awful lot of thought and soul searching beforehand, and if you come to the conclusion that you are not totally agreeable to this or comfortable with this on any level, then I would say don't proceed and leave it at that. If your partner really loves you, he will be understanding and accepting and will just let it go.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2009):
 My advice still stands whether you are a gay couple or not.
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A
female
reader, triplemock +, writes (6 February 2009):
There's a place in a woman that will NEVER forget the image of u in an intimate situation with another woman!!That is if she has decided you r the one for LIFE! I have known a couple who did and his WIFE ran off with the other woman, b/c they got close talking about the residue from the experiance wifey could'nt get over. I guess the other woman agreed(that she'd never forget if it was her man either) that she would b in the same fix if she were her, and mr. bright idea ended up alone. Albiet that may b farfetched in all cases, BUT I agree personnally,I could never live with the sight of the man I want to grow old with in the arms of ANY other woman. Even if a man could talk me into it, it would end up being the BIGGEST mistake of the relationship........look WAY into the future (BOTH OF YOU) before you screw it up. LASTING LOVE IS NOT LIKE THIS!!!!! LISTEN CLOSELY THE DAMAGE CAN AND WILL NOT B UNDONE
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A
male
reader, theambassador +, writes (6 February 2009):
theambassador is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, having read my original post I didn't actually make it clear, we're a gay couple.
Thanks for the replies so far :o)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Why not the two of you are adults and if you both agree then try it once if its not for you then go back to things as they were before, millions of people swing throughout the world and it works for them so whats to say that you are not just the next couple to try it. Good luck and good sex!!!!!
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A
male
reader, wetsneakers  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 How would you feel if the threesome was to be 2 women and one guy? How would your partner feel? I mean is fair being fair here or is someone already being left out?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2009):
If you have any doubts then I would advise you NOT to have a threesome. Even when couple initially are gung-ho on the the idea they end up regretting it. Try to spice things up just between the two of you.
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