A
female
age
,
*ngel49
writes:I have a real dilemma on my hands. I reconnected with someone I knew in high school. Didn't date him then, but I ran into him recently at an event. We talked and I was very attracted to him. So, I emailed him and we've been talking over the phone as well for about 2 months now. The problem is I am married and he is single. He never married because of his career, as he travels all over the world. At first, it was just exchange of information...people we knew...stuff about high school...then it started to get serious. Now, he is coming back into my area soon and wants to see me. I really want to see him, realizing this will change everything. I have been married for over 23 years and have never cheated on my spouse. He is a great guy and has given me everything. But, I feel that I am no longer attracted to him as I once was. I guess I'm trying to figure out...what am I doing/ or about to do? I am about to enter unchartered waters...I could lose everything. Is it worth it? I really want to be in love again. That's what I really want. Is being in love again...worth the risk??
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (3 February 2009):
Well I guess this is one of those tests of marriage that come up. You will find out just how strong your marriage is, if you are able to resist this temptation and instead put the energy and focus back into working on your marriage. As people have said, there are many ways to bring the excitement and romance back into the marriage. You just have to do them.
It is absolutely not worth all you'd be risking. I am certain you will have so many regrets after the fact, even if he never finds out (as someone else has already stated). You will always have to carry that lie and that secret around with you. Do you want that on your conscience? And remind yourself you would be breaking the very vows of marriage with your actions.
I know you've been with your husband for a very long time, but isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about? Spending the rest of your days with that person? Always remaining faithful to them, in thick and thin, through happy times and not-so-happy times?
Focus on the positive things that you love about him. His character, his personality, the way he combs his hair...whatever those things are! There must be many things, but you just have to revist them in your mind and remind yourself of them.
If you are having needs that are not being met, sit down with your husband and talk about those together, in a non-critical way. You could even try asking him first, casually, if there is anything he'd like to see happen differently between you two. Try following some of the suggestions here and work toward revitalizing your marriage. Do little things to bring the romance and the passion back into it. See if you can fall in love with your husband all over again. I know it's possible!
I think having your friend over, in your husband's presence, is an excellent idea, too. I also think you should cut back on the communication with this guy. I would tend to think you are at least emotionally cheating. Does your husband know about him? How do you think he would react? Also, imagine how you would feel if you were to find out your husband cheated on you. Reverse the situation. How would that make you feel on the flip side? I am going to assume devastated, among other things.
Put your marriage before yourself right now - that is what I think you need to do here.
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (3 February 2009):
 It's a wonderful thing to have been married 23 years and not to have ever cheated. I used to pride myself on that, but I am currently drowning in my unchartered waters. If for nothing else, I wish I could take back my cheating and be able to say once again that I have never cheated on my spouse. I understand the attraction and the emotional connection, but you will not be happy with the outcome even if your husband never finds out.
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A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Many people reach the stage in their marriage, where the excitement is missing.
You're missing romance and "butterflies" in your stomach.
Only YOU can decide what you should do. BUT are you prepared to give up your husband of 23 years for an emotional high?
My suggestion is to talk to your husband and tell him you'd like to rekindle some of the romance you once had.
Go out together on "dates". Tell him you love him. Buy him little gifts. Give him a hug.
There are many ways of bringing the romance back into your marriage.
On the other hand, seeing this other guy needn't be romantic or sexual. You could invite him over to your home for a meal or a cup of coffee, together with your husband.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 February 2009):
 In my opinion, you are about to enter uncharted waters and could lose everything. Is it really worth taking that chance when you still may have an opportunity to revitalize your marriage first?
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