A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. Here is the background. My wife is a teacher and has been at the same school for 3 years now. Well, she told me a little after the beginning of this school year (last October) that this guy, who is an ex-boyfriend started teaching at her school. She is an elementary teacher and he is a middle school teacher in a whole other wing of the building, seperate entrances and all. In fact she only found out he was working there after about 1 month because he happened to go into the office while she was in there sending a fax. They have seperate times for lunch and everything. So, even though I don't like the fact that an ex-boyfriend is working at the same place as my wife, I'm trying not to let it bother me because they have no interaction in their jobs. Oh, by the way, this wasn't some casual boyfriend, they dated for over a year and were very intimate and she even slept at his place most weekends.Now, the problem that just occurred last Friday. My wife and a bunch of other teachers and office staff go out to this local pub every other Friday (Paydays) for appetizers and a few drinks. It is a mixed crowd (male and female), but that doesn't bother me, my wife isn't a drinker and only stays 1-2 hours at the most, so I'm cool with it. Last Friday, her ex-bf (Jim) showed up, I guess someone else in the crowd started getting to know him and invited him to go with the crowd. 1st, I'm not very comfortable with her ex hanging out with her there, even though it is a bunch of people (my wife says it varies from 6-12 people depending on who has other plans or not). 2nd, my wife told me Jim mentioned while there that he and my wife dated a while ago and hinted that it was a long term intimate relationship in front of these people. I don't like her hanging out where he is, and now I don't want people talking about her and him or asking her questions about him. That is past private business and it makes me uncomfortable.I know it's not fair telling my wife not to go hang out with the group anymore, but it's also not fair for me to feel uncomfortable with this situation. So far Jim hasn't said anything inappropriate to my wife, or I would go down there and wipe up the street with him. I still don't like it, what do I do? Let my wife handle it and if it becomes personal, then tell her not to go out, or just stop it now, or what. Help.
View related questions:
her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Dude, you need to Guard your marriage! You Need to put an end to this NOW!
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (6 February 2009):
 I don't think there is anything to worry about here. Like the other aunts said, she's being honest with everything that’s going on. He hasn't crossed any line that would warrant you demanding she not go... Until that happens, just don't let it get to you. Who does she go home to on those Friday nights, anyway?
...............................
A
male
reader, roybatty +, writes (6 February 2009):
Either he doesn't go to the "get together" or your wife doesn't. If he shows up again, tell your wife that she can't attend as long as he's there. Simple as that. Just want to add... if you explain to your wife that you are uncomfortable with the situation and she protests, ask her why she is so willing not to respect you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): I think you have every right to be jealous but I think until he does something out of line then there is nothing you can do. Hopefully who ever invited him got the message that he shouldn't be invited again because of the awkwardness. I'd let it play out for now and if something is said by him then yeah, I'd have a convo with your wife, but ultimately it needs to be her that handles it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (6 February 2009):
Take comfort in the fact that she was honest and told you everything that's happened, so she's not hiding anything from you. It is normal to feel some uncomfortable feelings over this situation - I know I would.
Talk to her about how this all makes you feel. But don't demand that she stop going.
Perhaps on occasion she could invite you to join the crowd at the pub. Maybe being there occasionally will make you feel more at ease with the whole situation, and your presence if he is there will reinforce the fact that you two are married.
He sounds like a drama-seeker or an attention-getter, b/c what he shared was private information and it should have been kept at just that, private.
It is better if your wife and you can just laugh it off and forget about it. Did your wife tell you how it made her feel when he revealed their past in front of the others? If she didn't, maybe you could ask her. Maybe she doesn't feel it's a big deal, or maybe it did bother her on some level. If it didn't bother her, then she should do nothing. If it did bother her, then she should tell him on the side that she did not appreciate what he did, and ask him to just keep the past in the past, where it belongs.
However, whether or not it bothered her is no indication of how she feels about you and your marriage, and does not mean she doesn't respect your union.
...............................
|
