A
female
age
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*ubbles 53winks
writes:Hi there well my question, I found out that my husband was having an affair a year ago,after 32 years of marriage. But he says there was nothing wrong with the marriage but he fell in love again with his first ever girfriend from school. He came back and said he made a mistake and me being a sucker took him back, But some of the things he said to me hurt, And he was still seeing her so i threw him out,But he lives with her ,and i am divorceing him, But he keeps on crying all the time. I dont think he can live with what he has done. I know i should not worry about him but he is the father of my children, I know that what he did was the best for both of us. But i think he is going to break up. Why if there is no regret does he cry all the time, As i am very happy. thank for reading this,
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Why the concern if you are divorcing him?
Maybe you should reconsider.
'He crys all the time' should be qualified with 'when you are with him'
It strikes me neither of you know what you are doing. You have a third party intruder in your marriage, this is the main problem.
God Bless xx
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (2 February 2009):
Sounds like you are coping with the demise of the marriage very well. I am so glad. You've already worked through the trauma of his actions and the loss of the relationship and have moved on. That's what he needs to do.
He has to pay the consequences for his actions and accept responsibility for his actions. Some of the consequences are facing what he's done and the ugly emotions connected to that. Yes, I believe he is still feeling quite guilty over what he did. Serves him right!
Do you think it's possible that on the inside he really does have regret over what he did, and that he is trying to make you feel guilty about throwing him out and divorcing him? Hence the crying spells? If he knows that the crying is getting to you, he's going to keep it up. It's a form of manipulation. He may be playing on your sympathies. Especially if he wants to weasel his way back into your life again. If that is his motive, he will do whatever he has to do to get his way.
Of course you are concerned - you have a long history with him, and he is the father of your children. But watch out for yourself more. You are in a good place right now. Do what you have to do to maintain that. Maybe you need to distance yourself from him more. Just be aware, and beware. He may have ulterior motives is all.
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (2 February 2009):
 I think it is probably the whole extended family children, grandchildren it has a knock on effect for everyone. No more happy family Christmases together with the immediate family, it is a big void when you weigh it all up!
I'm sure given time he will begin to feel much better but guilt is playing on his mind at the moment it was a long marriage and will take a bit of getting over it is like grieving for a departed loved one.
You seem quite happy that things have turned out this way so i think maybe he needs some support because just because he had the affair there is always a reason why and part of that may have been because your marriage was already breaking down so maybe he shouldn't carry all of the blame alone.
Hope things improve for everyone soon x
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A
female
reader, bubbles 53winks +, writes (2 February 2009):
bubbles 53winks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers but the one that says if the kids were out of the way He wouldnt shed a tear, They are grown up and married except one who is 25, He is crying but is still doing what he wants, so can you understand my concern.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Take the kids out of the equation and the chances are he wouldn't shed a tear. It's more to do with breaking up the family than anything else.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 February 2009):
He probably feels guilty for ruining the best thing that ever happened to him (you and the kids.)
Also he may be going through a mid life crisis about having to start again alone after all this time of having his lovely wife pick up after him and look after him and now he has to do his own washing.
I congratulate you for being so strong and I suggest you just leave him to it for a while. Seeing you being all caring about him when he is down could only make it worse because he's seeing everything he can no longer have due to his own stupid actions.
He has a lot of thinking to do so let him get on with it for a while.
Good Luck!! xx
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