A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have asked this question before but feel the need to ask one more time. Has any girl out there had her boyfriend look at live nude girls on a video cam? Or are there any guys who watch it? Is it normal and I'm being old-fashioned or is it disgusting and not just regular porn? I feel it is more personal and even cheating but have been told it is just like regular porn/porn stars. I don't like the idea of him being in a chat room with a girl stripping and chatting. I just wanted to know if it is normal and if average guys watch it or if it really is just sicko perverted men who watch it. Also to any girls whose boyfriends do or did this, how to look past it. Thanks.
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female
reader, Lindyrose +, writes (25 December 2017):
I just googled this topic because I found my fiancee doing this yesterday. I'm so confused. If he was looking at normal porn I would have never batted an eye, but actually talking to a women and telling her what he want's?! I feel sick. I'm not a jealous person...we go to the bars and girls hit on him and I think it's cute. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he is actually talking to these women. I can't even get myself to look at what they look like because if it's very different from me I think I would be devastated. I had to leave for a day to get my emotions in control because I'm not a fighter... But I can't back and I don't even want him to touch me...I truly feel cheated on
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): I am a woman who has no issue with porn, provided that it doesn't affect my sex life.. but paying for personal stripping, masturbation, whether online or in a strip club, when you have a partner, is really base and insulting. In some ways it IS cheating because of the intimacy. You have PAID another person to perform a sexual act in front of you. Not quite the same as visiting a prostitute but what's the next step going to be?
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female
reader, happyrabbit +, writes (29 April 2014):
Ok 1. Going to a strip club is not cheating I mean seriously that's so highschool to be worried over it SHE was nude HE wasn't. Another is there is a very strict NOTOUCH policy even in private!! How do I know this?? Oh I am a female and love going to strip clubs hell I even buy my guy lap dances and shots!! You know why? Bc. I appreciate beauty and I'm not jealous!!like I said SO HIGHSCHOOL but if you want take the girls out and go to a hot manly man strip club and get your own lapdance . remember its a no touch policy bc you WILL get kicked out. You really need to learn to hang with the guys a bit and let lose it you will lose him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): yes it cheating and i have the same problem with my husband it gets to where he lies to me and i am at the point to leave my husband if it doesn't get better
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female
reader, jerseybby0213 +, writes (12 March 2010):
I just currently ran into this situation with my boyfriend today. I saw a website for cams.com its a nude webcam site. Porn is one thing cuz i know its fake. but to me webcam feels a lil more personal. according to him he did it for his friend cuz his friend doesnt have a credit card. I dont know if he's lying or not. But i dont see why men with girlfriends are gonna pay to watch cams when they can get it for free at home. Hope your issue gets solved =) best of luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend and I have actually broken up. I was unable to get past this as well as some other issues we were going through. I can't tell you how to get past it. I couldn't. It just felt like I was cheated on... If you want to work on it then you have to just communicate everything with him I guess. But I was told that if you can't get over something it is better to let him go than go through the relationship without trust.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): I feel exactly the same and am going through the same shitty feelings as you. It was on my now husbands!?!?!? stag night. im quite an open minded girl especially when it comes to sex. thing is he said to me prior to the stag and hen parties that he did not want me to have a stripper and we were not the sort of people that needed that for their stag/hen nights. Fair enough I thought. I worked really hard to make sure my girlfriends did not get me a stripper because this is what me and partner had agreed. had a fantastic night only to find out (not from him) but his friend slipped up that he went to a strip club. Initially i was really upset but did not show this. i told myself that this is what every guy does I was just heartbroken that I felt I knew my guy better than this. I got it wrong obviously. So being fine with this was one matter. Then I questioned him I just needed to know cos it was eating me up. He told me he got a private nude lap dance!!!! I'm heartbroken. I married him. I love him. I cant tell noone as I'm too embarressed of what hes done and my feelings. How would you feel about this as its something im not sure that I can get over, help please xx
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female
reader, stoopidcupid  +, writes (13 February 2009):
I think id feel exactly as you did about it if a boy.f of mine did that.
As for how you can get past feeling like he cheated,well i think the fact that he destroyed his computer and reacted like that when he saw how you felt about it should go along way to reassure you,and show you how little it ment to him.
Remember everyone has different views on this,so its not black and white if it is cheating or not.
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (12 February 2009):
The definition of cheating is in the eye of the beholder and has various definitions. Some people view cheating as any act relating to sex that does not include their partner (including even thinking about being with another, masturbation, and viewing porn). Others define it as pertaining to any physical contact (including kissing) with anyone other than their partner. Still others only consider it cheating if there has been foreplay and/or sexual intercourse. There is also what is called emotional cheating, when your partner forms a close emotional bond with someone of the opposite sex, spilling details of issues within your own relationship. No sex takes place - it is merely a friendship - but it often can lead to close intimate physical contact.
I know right now it feels like cheating to you, but take comfort in the fact that he told you about it and has stopped the behavior. As best as I can tell, he never lied to you about it. Or did he? Did you discover this on your own, quite by accident? If so, before discovering it, did you ask him if this was something he did, only to have him lie to you about it? Or was it something he did but never revealed it to you until you found out on your own? This is not the impression I am getting - it sounds as though he has been honest and up front with you about this. I think you will be able to get past this over time. That is much more difficult to do when they've lied to us and behaved in secret.
If you can, work on trying not to think of this as cheating, but rather he was just looking at porn on the computer. Work on forgiving him. Work on forgetting about it. Focus on all the good things about him. Focus on what you love about him. Focus on all the great aspects of your relationship. If he's no longer doing this and it was just a one-time thing since you've been together, allow him that one transgression, and don't hold it against him. You've got a problem if he is refusing to stop, or if he's resorted to lying and trying to hide and cover up his behavior. But that's not what I'm seeing here.
Feel good about who you are and know that he was just being a typical man for a brief moment. Tell yourself no, he was not cheating. He was just looking. He seems to have enough respect for you and for your relationship that he's only done it that one time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): It depends on your man's behavior as a whole.Being that men are visually oriented on average as a result of genetics, porn, strippers and webcam women are things that some of us watch just because we enjoy looking at attractive nude/scantily clad women.And even though we care for our girlfriend/wife and would never stray, its a natural instinct for our eyes to be drawn to our subjective perception of a vibrant and sexy woman.Then you have men who are actually addicted to the point it interferes in all aspects of their lives. That is a problem.If your boyfriend does not spend most of his free time watching it, then he's probably just normal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Well I'm sorry but for me it begs the question: Why does he need this sort of turn-on when he has a woman? The answer lies nearer home than you think. What is he not getting from you? I think you should look closely at your own sex life, sort out what's missing and correct it.Good luck.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I don't know if it conforms to the strict definition of cheating, but I will say this...
if it's something that you wouldn't feel comfortable doing in front of your girlfriend, and you wouldn't want your girlfriend to know you did it... that's an indication that you shouldn't be doing it. :)
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female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (11 February 2009):
Let him know you don't like it I would not necessarily consider it cheating. It really depends on the whole situation. If he is talking to these girls about hooking up then yes I would say it is cheating. But I'm also a little liberal though I think it is fine for a man to watch porn or goes to a strip club as long as they don't do it all the time that is sick. If it is on occasion then don't worry about it all the time leave him. Besides all that they can look at the menu all they want as long as they are eating at home.
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male
reader, OmegaXF +, writes (11 February 2009):
 Yeah that's not good. If you satisfy his needs i don't see why he is looking at other girls stripping for him. Looking at other girls is regular but an actual room where they strip for you, and you already have a gf is pretty bad.
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I have a close friend who is a male of courseand he said that he chats with hundreds of women and they masturbate for him on camera. i think its sick and gross and shows that the girls dont respect themselves and just want attention from bored stupid men. my friend said that it excites him but he has no respect for theem because they are toooo easy. i dont think its cheating unless there is an emotional connection as well. i think its just like looking at porn(porn actresses are real girls to)you are not old fashioned, it is disgusting but if there is no touching, no emotional connection, its just bored stupid men looking at slutty girls
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've let him know. He said he was just looking. He used to look it at long before he met me with his cousin and he was on a regular porn site and saw the link and decided to check it out. They require a credit card to make sure you are 18 but do not charge you. He was charged because he used "premium services", whatever the hell that means. He apologized to me and even destroyed his computer for me to prove he doesn't want that shit, it was a one time mistake because it is what he used to look at. So I know he did it once. And that was about 4 months ago. My problem is that I can't get past it. I honestly felt like it was cheating. Even though he explained that he didn't talk, it was like an open chat room, he watched. Part of me just doesn't know because he could've talked to her. I did find out it wasn't one on one though. I just want to get past it and I don't know if I can. I feel like I have then I think about it and we fight all over again. He has done everything to prove to me he doesn't care or need it but I feel like I want to know exactly what happened on there and why he felt the need to go on there. I agree with you that I think it is the same as a strip club. So are there any women who don't mind their bf's or husbands going to a strip club? Thanks for your answer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): My boyfriend doesn't do this, but I'm sure I'd be horribly mad and hurt if he did. This is not regular porn. I don't mind normal porn. I don't know if it counts as cheating, but the interaction factor is what would make me mad. It'd be like him going to a strip club.For a single guy it's fine. But for a boyfriend, I don't think so.Tell him it bothers you and that you don't mind if he watches regular porn, but that the idea of him having contact (even if just virtual) with these girls makes you angry.
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