A
female
age
30-35,
*XAlexxX
writes:My boyfriend is obsessed with gaming/computers, and will spend upwards of 12 hours a day at his computer.One weekend he spent all saturday on his computer, and promised me that the next day he wouldn't spend any time on it. The next day, he started gaming two hours after we got up.When I called him on it, he started sulking and was like 'if I can't play games I'll just go to bed 'cos there's nothing else to do' After we moved, he put all his computers in a room upstairs (our room is downstairs) and spent all day on it. I tried to point out how lonely and bored I was when he spent all his time on the computer, so he just moved them into our bedroom and games down there, which apparently constitutes 'spending time' with me, and means he doesn't need to get off his computers so we can hang out.He's a lovely, sweet guy when he's not gaming, and we have so much fun when we do hang out. I love him and don't want to break up with him, but this is the source of all our arguments, and often my unhappiness. I don't know what to do anymore? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, peach459 +, writes (11 February 2009):
I completely feel your pain. Gaming seems to be the plague of women everywhere I think, but your man seems to have a particularly bad case it. It sounds like you've made your point of view perfectly clear. But I can't believe his solution to spend more time with you was to move his games into the bedroom! Try talking to him one more time, explain that sulking because he can't play his games is hurtful, and that playing games near you does not constitute time spent together.If by some miracle you manage to negotiate more time together and less time spent gaming you might want to invest in a game of your own. This will keep you busy the rest of the time, and it might give him a taste of his own medicine! If talking to him doesn't work and you are still unhappy, I would tell him as nicely as possible that you love him and that you want to keep seeing him, but you can't stand competing with a computer so you have to move out. Good luck!!!!
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (11 February 2009):
Virtually anything can become addictive, including gaming. Some people are addicted to nicotine, some drugs, some alcohol, some shopping, some gambling, some the Internet/computer...and others gaming.
Fortunately it is probably the least serious in terms of its effect on the body, though I would tend to think it could lead to carpal-tunnel syndrome, or strained/pulled muscles in the hands, digits, elbow, or arm.
However, any addictive behavior if left unchecked can easily lead into others. If a person is predisposed to one addiction, they may be more likely to take up another more debiliating addiction at some point. Not to say they will, but I believe it increases the odds of this happening.
Addictive behaviors are forms of escape. They are ways to avoid dealing with reality. They create artificial highs. Just as a smoker gradually increases the amount of cigarettes smoked or an alcoholic will gradually increase the amount they drink, a gambler will eventually spend more time gambling, and will begin to increase the stakes, b/c the high becomes more difficult to achieve at the previous level of activity. A gamer or Internet user will increase the amount of time spent gaming or on the computer. At some point, it all becomes excessive, and begins to interfere with normal life, and it will interfere with relationships as well.
It is not so much the gaming itself that is an issue, but rather the amount of time your bf spends gaming. It seems now that he is addicted to it, and it seems that it is interfering with your relationship and his own life in general, though he probably won't want to admit that.
I had my own 13-year-old son in counseling for an Internet addiction, b/c he was spending too much time on the computer, and he was beginning to isolate, not ever going outside or spending any time with friends. He also began to decline other activities, such as going bowling with the family, b/c that took time away from the computer. Eventually his behavior led to his stealing my credit card number to purchase $2,000 worth of Internet game room coins. When I discovered this, that was the end of that.
He no longer has computer privileges, unless I am in the room with him and I can see what websites he is visiting. He is no longer allowed to go onto the on-line game rooms.
He has since returned to his old self, re-establishing old friendships, and making some new friends, and even participating once again in family activities, instead of holing himself up in the bedroom and isolating in front of the computer with his virtual on-line friends, with whom he has no personal face-to-face contact whatsoever. He is now forced to do these things (which he enjoys anyway) to fill his time, b/c he no longer has the computer as his friend and constant companion. He was using it to avoid interpersonal relationships and socializing.
I don't know if your bf needs counseling to break this habit, but I do think no matter how he does it, he does need to break this habit. I think the only way he is going to do so is to completely refrain from gaming for at least 30 days, probably 60 or even 90 days is better.
Sometimes a person with an addiction needs to be given an ultimatum before they realize how detrimental their behavior is. You may have to give him that ultimatum and tell him if he doesn't get a handle on it, that you will have to break up with him. Then, follow through on that, if he does not do his part. Unfortunately, sometimes that is the only way. Otherwise, if he doesn't stop and you stay anyway, he will just continue doing what he's been doing.
If he doesn't understand that his behavior is a problem, then he is not going to do anything to help himself, and he will just keep right on doing what he's been doing. Do you want to conintue to put up with that?
Good luck, and let us know how things are going.
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