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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband doesn't have any sex with me. He went to the doctors and he is healthy. He is absolutely cold, no stimulation, or sexy touch does anything to him. He says he loves me and he does not know what is going on. Could the mistake come from his head? Do you think something is wrong with him psychologically? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Dear jma0685! Yes, I heard this too.It makes sense. But our problem is very long lasting now. Many years of sadness. I found it very difficult to find answers, as when you don't have medical reason, what is 85% of all problems, you are in a narrow category, and start to be harder to find the causes. My husband does have erection problems, but not based on any medical thing, its pure psychological. Well, I'm glad you try things. Let me know,if you have any other ideas. Thanks
A
female
reader, jma0685  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 To anonymous: When I have approached my husband about he doesn't want to have sex, he says that he doesn't know. That it might be because he is really stressed out at work and that he doesn't get good rest. we haven't had sex going on 9 months i think. when we did have sex he never had an erection problem, but even then he never initiated sex. I've been doing a little research and it turns out that men who feel like they aren't respected and encouraged by their partner can feel equally inadequate in the bedroom. I have to say that as the problem between my husband and progressed my respect and encouragement have diminished. I'm starting to wonder if that's why it's getting harder and harder for him to be intimate with me. I am watching how I speak to him and try to be more loving and encouraging...Perhaps you can try that route and see if you see results.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Dear jma0685! i wanted to ask ,if your husband ever told anything why he is not into sex ? When he is ,does he have any erection problem?Therapy won't help for him, as he wont's say anything more to the therapist...
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A
female
reader, jma0685 +, writes (9 February 2009):
It's amazing to see so man women in the same predicament that I am in. I am just as confused as you are but it is definitely a little comforting to know I am not the only one out there that is agonizing over this issue. Counseling is the next route for me...I've exhausted any other options thus far. Maybe this might help you out also. Good luck, my heart goes out to you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 February 2009):
 Quite possibly psychological, or influenced by any of the factors "Too Sensitive" suggested, and in today's world there may be additional influences that are at least worth investigation.
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (6 February 2009):
It certainly isn't normal behavior. Though sex of course isn't the basis for an entire relationship, it is just one more way to have intimacy between two people, and a way of expressing your feelings for one another.
If it's been ruled out that there is nothing medically wrong, then yes, there is something psychological going on. What led up to this? Did it just stop literally overnight, or did it happen gradually? Are there any outside stressors which could be putting pressure on your husband? Something with his job? Something with the kids? Financial burdens? An ailing parent? Death of a loved one? Could he be depressed? Sometimes people are depressed and don't even know it, don't even realize it.
Does he look at pornography? In secret, or out in the open? How often? Does he masturbate often? Does he masturbate to pornography? Maybe none of these things, or all of these things, are occurring. That could play into it. I hate to bring it up, but do you think there's any possibility he's having an affair?
I think you may need to consider seeing a sex therapist or marriage counselor as a couple, or having him see a counselor individually, on his own. Reading up on the topic (as suggested already by a previous poster) can help too - it certainly can't hurt, and it might give you some insight and understanding as to what might be going on. You may even be able to arrive at a solution on your own.
Whenever there's a psychological issue going on, whatever it is, it can generally be alleviated and managed by a professional, so long as your husband has a will and a desire to get back on track.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 I found that, for me, it depends with the girl i'm with and how many time I masturbated that day.
There's sex therapist that can give pretty good advice when it comes to stimulation.
A porn movie can sometime fire things up, I know it can be degrading to some people though.
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