A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last week my best friend died tragically and today was her funeral. The past week has been horrendous for me.My fiance is away visiting family at the moment and has not really what I would consider supportive of my loss and grief.Today I have send her several texts as she asked me to keep her updated, but 5 text messages over the morning and afternoon and nothing from her, not a text or phone call.I fell really unsupported and abandonded right now. She has had alot of problems in her own life I have been there for her 100% and its not in my mind counting what I have done for her so expect something back, BUT if it was me I would be atleast texting her to let her know I'm thinking of her if I was away.Any comments would be appreciated. I do not think it is unreasonable to expect support, and even if your not physically with someone you can let them know you care.
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I dont think you are being unreasonable. As she is away with her family then some allowences have to be made for her to have her own space to do that; so I would feel if you were expecting her to be in constant contact that would be unreasonable. However, you obviously are not and therefore I tend to agree that the odd txt here or there just to make sure you are ok is not too much to ask considering firing off a txt usually takes most people under a minute.
It's not something back you are really expecting to my mind, its merely the same level of support that you have obviously offered her through her troubles. I think you need to talk with her when she is back about it or it will niggle but try and do it in a non-confrontational way. Describe your own feelings first and see how she responds; hopefully she will offer you comfort of her own accord but if she doesnt then I think you need to start by saying 'i understand you were away and that was important but....' and try and gently remind her that you are supposed to be there for each other, especially when something as horrible as this happens. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (11 February 2009):
I am very sorry for your terrible loss, and the pain you must feel I know is enormous.
You are NOT being unreasonable to expect your fiance to be supportive and caring in any instance, esp. this one. This is such a difficult time for you, a time when you need her most. If she is not able to be there for you in the same way you have been there for her, then you may need to re-think the relationship. Even if you had not texted her or called her, she should be reaching out to you at this time, to let you know she is there and will do what she can for you in this time of need.
Have a face-to-face talk with her when you see her next. You are already dealing with enough at the moment, so it might be best to save it for when you are feeling a little bit better and when she is back. You have every right to question why she wasn't there for you.
I know she's away visiting family, but if it were me, come hell or high water, I would have hopped the first plane back to be there with you, by your side. But that's just me.
Peace be with you, and I hope your fiance ends up coming through for you. If she doesn't, you may have to question whether or not she is capable of being supportive to you in any situation that may arise. Evaluate what's happened up to this point. But save that for later when you are feeling better. Work through one difficult situation at a time. God bless.
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