A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok... i have been with my boyfriend for just over two years.when we met i was independent, i wasnt that bothered about whether the relationship lasted to be honest. a few weeks into the relationship i realised i was falling in love. i have a problem though, after about a year i started to develop a trust issue, i have low self esteem (which i've never had before) i feel depressed, i cry at anything, we argue alot (i start the arguements)i cant trust other girls at all.my boyfriend has been amazing throughout this...i know he would never dream of cheating or hurting me however i cant seem to stop these feelings! i think i maybe depressed. overall i would love to know how to overcome my trust issue and my paranoia about other girls being near my boyfriend. thanks. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongetting abit better just from the advice, thanks again!! it will take time but i'm determined to get over this! will update you soon.x
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (3 February 2009):
Get into therapy if you can, to mend yourself. Your depression unmanaged will fester your low self-esteem, and it will cause you to have trust (or rather lack of trust) issues that will damage you and your relationship.
Once you are feeling better and back on track, the positive results will spill over into your relationship with your bf. But you have to fix yourself first before you can fix the relationship and the trust issues.
Try to focus on the fact that he's (I'm assuming) never given you reason to suspect he's cheated. If he has, that's quite another story, but I'm not getting that impression here.
If you don't have trust in a relationship, that will surely be the demise of things. It cannot survive without that trust.
Work on making yourself feel better, work on feeling good about yourself and who you are, and the rest will fall into place naturally.
Read up on depression and its devastating effects, and have your bf read up on it too, so he will have a better understanding of what you're trying to cope with. It will also give him tools to help you and to help himself cope with your depression. Join a support group if you can find one. Get a handle on this before it ruins your relationship and your life. It won't be easy, and it will take time and alot of hard work on your part, but it CAN be done. Trust me - I know from personal experience. You will have good days and bad days, but in the end, never ever give up hope that you can be well again. If you want it, it will happen for you.
Good luck to you, and let us know how you're doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks very much for your advice, deep down i know i have to stop worrying but seeing someone else writing this really helps. going to try and chill out abit, still really hard to stop repetative thoughts though, like when he goes out i think of him with other girls...any ideas of how to stop this? i know i have to keep busy but i still get them,xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): sweetie
i had the exact same problem that you had and its a toughie
i went out with my now ex bf and at the beginning i really couldnt be bothered w/ the relationship but then i started to fall in love with him too, but also got really afraid that he might not love me anymore
i was right about him and we ended the relationship soon after that
i think that if i had knew what i knew now, i would have just trusted him and at the end of the day- a boy will always be a boy and sometimes things dont work out
im not saying you will split up with your bf, i'm just saying just let things be- quit worrying about things and just go with the flow and relaxxx
and you'll feel much better
hope im kind of helpful in some way
xx
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