A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not a guy and I honestly don't understand how men work. I am with my boyfriend for almost a year. For 5 years prior to this relationship he was single. He had to get used to taking matters into his own hands for quite some time. When I first met him, he was boasting to me about how he would jerk of like 2-3 times a day. I don't know if he does it 3 times a day everyday....but he continues to do that despite him and I having sex. Isn't that a little excessive? I know he watches porn a lot too but it's not so much the porn (although I do feel insecure sometimes) it's the frequency and impulsiveness behind it. He also admitted to me yesterday that he went home on his lunch break to jerk off (and has before).I know I shouldn't care....but I do. I'm just kind of disturbed. I understand that masterbating is a normal thing (because I do it too) It just makes me feel like he's too hypersexual. Where's the balance? Someone give me insight on whether this is something to feel uneasy about. Right now I am bothered.Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I either envy all the men who can orgasm or ejaculate 3 and more times every day, or I think they’re all lying and bragging.
I have been known to make love to my woman 7 times on one day just to see if I could, at age 44. I have ejaculated sometimes, once in a very long while when I was around age 30 two or three times in a day.
I have read some men saying they cum 3 and 5 times a day. I’ve read someone in another website during a week of sexual awareness and avoidance of disease claim he came 89 times in that week and held the record for masturbating 6 hours straight.
I’m a considerate lover. I absolutely love to give my woman a long full body massage and then very gently enter and please her. I’ve taught myself to go slow at first and desensitize so I won’t cum too soon and I’ve helped her move into extended orgasm. She gets lost in pleasure that can last up to an hour – and I’m bored actually because at that point it’s just athletic exercise for me and I of course like to admire her. It becomes and ego trip to know I can please her so much that she says “You’re like a machine.”
I’m age 60 now and I cum two or three times a week, mostly because I think it’s healthy for the prostate. As we say in physiology, “the more you use a system the better it works. Use it or lose it.” So sometimes I wake with fantasies and cum. Some times I think about it for a moment and say, “I don’t have strong enough desire for that now. I’d say on average I cum 5x / week and most men my age would envy me if they knew.
But, when men age 55 and older claim to cum 3 and more times daily, and one fellow says 8 times a day every day – I assume they’re super human, or lying, like the surveys that always have all the men 20% larger than reality.
I live a very healthy lifestyle. I’m a nutritionist. I take excellent supplements. Most of the women I’ve “known” say I’m bigger than the other’s they’ve known and I know from statistics that I’m on the larger edge of average.
But, for all of that, I’ve never been capable of ejaculations 5 and more times a day. I think I might have one day, just to see if I could. Daily? I don’t believe them.
Touching oneself at the dining table? Really, if these guys are such super sexual creatures they should go to work for the pornographers. I’m waiting for one of them to collect it all in a measuring cup and tell us how much volume he produces per day, per week and so forth.
It all seems like as much hot air as the basket ball sized breast prosthesis that are filled with helium.
If it’s so absolutely normal that nearly every man does it, why hasn’t someone made an automatic male milking machine available like any other health appliance, (like a hair dryer) for all of us and sold it for $49.95? Because the truth is most young men are quite comfortable with once or twice per day and men age 40 and up usually have clogged arteries and can’t get hard and cum at all! Because there simply isn’t enough market demand for such an appliance.
If I were at work and had to cum so much I’d find a toilet cubicle and quietly in three minutes with a little hand crème take care of the need and then get back to work.
I just find the whole discussion a bit unbelievable.
Most human males are at their peak of sexual desire at age 15 – 18 and I never knew anyone in high school or college who every said he needed to stop what he was doing and cum several times each day. One guy said he always jerks off before he sleeps and laughed a little about it. No one else ever made such a big deal over the issue.
Your obsessive/compulsive man friend is replaceable and you should be quietly looking for someone who can use the energy and brains God gave him for pursuits that will more likely benefit his and your future.
Get smart sweet lady. Find a different man.
I’ve run long. I’ve rambled. I’m sorry, but I think ALL readers needed to hear this.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 At 66 I usually get off at least once a day by myself. I'd go for more but my wife seems to think I'm wierd after once/day. i tell her it's my business not hers but women seem to think it's naughty or dirty or something so i give in to once/day rather than argue over it. I tell her I can't help it if she's a prude.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): The posters' consensus is overwhelming. Men get horny several times a day, and need to do something about it. The only info missing from your post is how often you have sex. If he's actively masturbating when he could be having sex with you, it's maybe understandable that you feel a little bit hurt.
But otherwise, it's fine. As a 34-year-old man who gets laid once every two or three years if I'm lucky (and it isn't for the lack of trying) I still get horny four or five times a day. Not much I can do about it, except masturbate.
Would be wonderful to believe all the bullshit I read about 'there's someone out there for you' and 'look for a girlfriend, you'll find one'...that stuff is invariably written by either women or sexually successful men, who can basically get laid whenever they really want. Unattractive men past the age of 30 have to live in the real world, which means sex is something you'll realistically only ever experience with yourself or in front of a porn site. Sad, but true. Tortuous, but what can you do?
So, no, he's not sick or hypsersexual. It's pretty normal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): So that I don't have to repeat anything, just let me say that satindesire was spot on in all of her answers. If I get awake at 4 am with an erection and horny, the only things that I can do is lie there awake, wake my wife for sex (a mistake) or masturbate and go back to sleep. I used to choose the 3rd option when I was younger, but I hate to waste it now that I am older. Three or 4 times a day (including actual sex) was normal for me when in my 30s and 40s, but once a day is now more normal for me now that I am 64. Since my wife likes once a day most days, my hand and I have become former friends. :) My wife never could handle 3 or 4 times a day.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I am age 53 and I still need to shoot 2 or 3 loads everyday/ If I have no parner I jerk off, sometimes on Web cam to willing wanting Ladies.
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A
male
reader, jordan888  +, writes (28 May 2009):
 2-3 times a day isn't excessive at all... I do it about 8 times and I consider myself normal.
got anything to say? ok, go stand in that corner over there and talk to the wall.
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male
reader, Tomas +, writes (2 February 2009):
satin is spot on... personal example from a guy:when I was in college, if I had to study for an exam (or had complicated classwork), inevitably I would start thinking how having sex would be a much better pastime than than whatever the work was. The closest thing I can compare it to is how once you are hungry you notice that every conversation starts turning to food. Well, the mind turns to sex. And (as a guy) you'll realize that, if you are going to study for that test, you might as well get the sex part over with, because once it comes up it will continue to distracting you (increasingly) until you sate the hunger. Then it may go away for up to several hours. The question of how often to masturbate usually comes down to (1) other distractions, (2) opportunity, and (3) how much sexual tension you are willing to carry around with you.Personally, there is a part of me that will be glad when I'm older and have less libido, but only in the way that someone who is trying to lose weight would rather not enjoy food. If you aren't going to be able to enjoy it with someone three times a day, it'd be more convenient not to want it. Most guys aren't wired that way, though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow. That sounds kind of annoying!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your honest answer anonymous. It doesn't effect our sex life at all. However, it just baffles me!!! I dont want think to come across as rude but...don't you have other things to do with your day??? I guess when I think of what my entire day consists of...I don't see how I could fit that in multiple times a day. Maybe once!
To each his/her own. And once again thanks for the honest answer. I am starting to be less concerned and thankful that it's not something I'm doing. Thanks :-)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Since most responses are coming from female readers, let me add my male point of view (I'm in the same age-bracket as you) -- It is absolutely normal! Nothing to worry about. "satindesire" below is spot on in her assessment.My past gf's have had problem with this as well, but really, masturbation does no harm and most guys are used to doing it multiple times a day. As long as it doesn't affect your sex life adversely, you should see it as just part of being a guy. So don't worry.
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (29 January 2009):
I am glad I could be of help. After all, that is what this forum is for, to help each other. It is good to get someone else's perspective, esp. if they've already gone through the situation themselves.
Yes, I understand how you feel when you say you question whether or not you satisfy him. Don't worry, you do satisfy him. If you are still having sex regularly and from your viewpoint it is a great sex life, then I am sure he feels the same way as you do. You could casually have a conversation with him and ask him what he thinks about your sex life. Ask him if there is anything you haven't tried that he wants you to try. Try not to view any answers defensively or sensitively or as a criticism, but rather as a chance to fulfill his every desire, and as a chance to know all of him. Don't think of it as "Oh I haven't been satisfying him" or "I'm not good enough for him" or put yourself down for not having thought of it before. None of us knows everything, and most of us are not mindreaders. Communication regarding every area of a relationship is key to its success, including communication involving your sex life.
Again, so long as he is able to climax with you, whether it be during intercourse, oral sex, or manual stimulation by you, and he is not replacing sex with you with masturbation, but instead supplementing sex with you by masturbating, I think everything is okay.
You are both still so young. You may find that over time, his solo activities may decrease.
This is a learning and growing experience between you two in your relationship. It will take some adjusting on your part to cope with this information! Try to work through it from a positive aspect. Focus on how great your sex life is. Focus on how great your bf is. Focus on how great your relationship is. Focus on how open your communication is.
Use that open communication to ask him how he feels about your sex life, and tell him you just want to make sure you satisfy him. Let him know how great you think your sex life and everything else between you is.
I have questioned whether or not I satisfy my fiance, but that is only b/c he has at times faked orgasm (when clearly there is no physical evidence to be found), only to run to the bathroom for 10 minutes to finish up. There are plenty of other behaviors which I won't get into here on your thread which make me question how much I satisfy him.
Your bf could have overindulgence tendencies, which could possibly be classified as addiction tendencies, but I wouldn't classify him as a sex addict, b/c he does not seem to be harboring feelings of guilt or shame surrounding his sexual behavior, and he is not doing anything in secret, trying to hide it from you. And so long as nothing is interfering with your relationship, his job, etc., try not to worry about it. If he is habitually staying home to jerk off all day instead of going to work, that's a problem. If he's consistently showing a preference to jerk off instead of having sex with you, that's a problem.
I know you're going through a bit of a difficult time with this, but in time you will get used to the whole idea and just settle in with it, go with the flow so to speak. I hope so, anyway! Good luck. And remember, from another woman's perspective, yes, you are okay, and perfectly normal!!!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 January 2009):
It does just sound like he's a bit sex mad.
You could try coming on to him more and making him come many times when you do have sex to try and wear him out a bit more.
But to be honest I wouldn't worry about it. If it does bother you then tell him that you would just rather not know about it.
I know I am perfectly happy assuming my husband never does it, even though in reality I know it must happen sometimes.
Good Luck!!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToo Sensitive
You feel like a kindred spirit to me. Honestly, all I wanted to hear is that what I'm feeling is okay and normal. I am not a man and I don't understand how so much of one's time can be spent masterbating. I understand the importance but things just seem off balance there. I am somewhat jealous in a way that his biology is set up so he almost HAS TO spend time to please himself. He just needs that release and he knows himself so well. I was not raised to think about myself first...and honestly...my mind just doesn't quiet down enough sometimes to actually think about pleasing me!
It really is the initial shock of hearing the frequency. He and I do in fact have a very open relationship, great communication and an active sex life... but I almost wish I didn't know the frequency because it makes me feel like I'll never be able to satisfy him. It's also just so different than my routine that I do worry that he's addicted to it. I have noticed that everything he does is very implusive. When we go out to dinner...he eats 3 hamburgers (not 1). When he sleeps on the weekends...it's til 3pm. When he plays his computer game...it's for HOURS. Those are just some examples but a lot of things he does is in excess. Is that a problem you think??
This forum is really helping me so any feedback from this post would be helpful too.
Thank you so much!!!!
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (28 January 2009):
On one hand it's great that he felt comfortable enough to share this with you...on the other hand, it's TMI (too much information!).
I know just how you feel. Long ago I discovered my fiance does this frequently, even touching himself in front of me at times (seemingly unaware he was doing it)...just casually, over his pajamas, while sitting at the table with me, as if it were normal, as if everyone did it. I kept trying to reassure myself that he must feel comfortable with me to be exhibiting this behavior in front of me. In reality, it greatly bothered me, and it made me wonder if he had a problem with compulsive masturbation, or an obsession with masturbation. Esp. b/c he first denied even doing it, then tried to give me the excuse that he was "scratching himself" or "unsticking himself". For 10-20 minutes? Come on! B/c of this, I started to feel bothered and even disgusted with him when I would hear him (quite accidentally) masturbating through the bathroom wall. I don't know where the line is, except that if you are seeing problems in other areas of your sex life, or you catch him doing it at inappropriate times, then there could be underlying psychological problems. In my opinion, your bf does not have an issue with it, b/c he is not feeling ashamed nor guilty of his behavior, and he even tells you about it. I'd be more concerned if he were trying to do this in secret, trying to hide it from you. My fiance always denied doing it, even when I would clearly see him or hear him. But he's also got a problem with lying.
If your bf gives you a satisfying time in the bedroom, if you are happy with your sex life both in a physical sense and in terms of emotional intimacy, then I would try not to worry too much. If you are finding he cannot climax during intercourse with you, that is a problem. If you are finding he prefers masturbation to sex with you, then that is a problem. If he puts himself in risky situations where he can get caught by someone other than you while masturbating, that is a problem. If he is coming home on his lunch hour to masturbate, then he is doing so in private, which is how it should be done (other than possibly incorporating it into your lovemaking sessions, which is still private, b/c that is between just the two of you).
I know it's alarming now that you know the frequency, and when it's out in the open, we find ourselves thinking about the subject more, and pondering the normalcy of it. I think what you're feeling is normal. I think you will get past it, too. It's just the initial shock! Most men do it far more than we women ever do. We're just wired up differently. And we know this on some level, but we just don't really give it much thought, until it's brought out into the open, such as now, in your situation.
I think the fact that he chose to share this with you illustrates that he has a healthy, normal sexuality, and is very comfortable with you. Consider yourself very lucky! It's when he starts hiding things from you that you have to start worrying. Take it from someone who has been through that!
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