A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf fot 14 months.We started having sex back last august. We have only had sex like 15 times since as i still get a bit anxious and after a while feel pain when having sex.He finds that when we have finished foreplay and are ready to have sex he gets turned off by having to put the condom on and can then go limp and it just doesnt happen.He wants me to go onto the pill, but i realy dont want to as i know i will gain wait and get ill from it.He doesn't seem to understand this at all and i feel very pressured by him.He does love me sooo much and i know that. is there a way in which i can help him remain turned on while he puts on the condom and help him?Plz help ASAP!
View related questions:
condom, foreplay, limp, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): As a pre-med and a man that has that same problem, you should know two things: that it's not you, and that there's not anything that you can do to "help" him put it on. He is just getting embarassed or nervous. Think about how it must feel to him when he "lets you down," by not being able to have sex, or how incredibly unmasculine he might feel. He's insecure. When that happens he'll get embarassed which pulls him even more out of the mood. And then you'll NEVER have sex.How you can help:MAKE HIM WEAR ONE. Eventually he's gonna get so horny that he'll have to stay hard. And just keep being kind and understanding (and most importantly: sexy) to him and this will make him less nervous. But every man that is sexually active and does not want children should use a condom. EVERY TIME. NO EXCEPTIONS.HPV, Genital Warts, and many other STD's can be carried by men and have no symptoms. Besides, he needs to learn how to do that anyways in case the worst should happen and you two split up. Any and every man should know how to use a condom. This knowledge is critical. And you would be aiding him immensely if you can manage to "help" him overcome this problem. All it would take is to successfully have sex once and he would start to be more confident, and thus more able to have sex. SEX IS TOUGH. IT'S NOT PERFECT. YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT. No one just always is good all the time, not even porn stars. The trick is to talk with your partner and reach an understanding about where you're both at. THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A HEALTHY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.He does NOT need viagra. In fact, there is evidence that suggests that that DESTROYS a man's sex drive if he takes it when he doesn't need it.You can also use female condoms, which can be kind of wierd to insert, but if it's worth it to you, then that's also an option.Birth control is something that most women are on. If you're having trouble with birth control then you should talk to a doctor / physician; because that is a problem.Good luck, sweetheart. I sure hope that your troubles with this are few and far in between. Happy Humping! :o)
A
male
reader, SB +, writes (1 June 2007):
 get him to use viagra? i heard it makes his downstairs stand to attention so it could be an option
...............................
A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (31 May 2007):
 All the other advice here is really sound, but I just want to add that you should really make it clear to him how pressurised you feel by him... You shouldn't do anything that you don't want to, just because it's what he wants.
You should definitely tell him about this so he knows how you feel; bottling it all up won't help you to be less anxious about sex.
Best wishes & good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hi sweetness,
Everyone else gave you great advice. I just wanted to throw in this idea: what about if you put on the condom for him? In cases like yours, I think it's best if you have him lie down, you give him some oral or manual stimulation and then slip the condom on for him. It makes it much more enjoyable for him, he hardly notices that you're putting on the condom and you're gold!
About the pill... the first week or so you take it, it can make you feel nauseas, but if you stick with it and let your body adjust to it, it'll won't bother you anymore. It's so much easier to be on the pill, then you don't have to worry about pregnancy. Remember, the pill won't protect you from STI's!!!
Anyhow, try putting the condom on for him, and please give the pill another try? Or maybe try a different method (the shot, the Nuva Ring, the patch...) of birth control.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
...............................
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hey Anonymous,
Just saw that you wrote you'll get "ill" from taking the pill. What do you mean that you'll get ill? Very rarely do women experience nausea because of taking birth control pills. Is that what you mean? Again, I suggest talking with your doctor about the pill.
...............................
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (31 May 2007):
Hi Anonymous,
A *huge* misconception about the pill is that it will make you gain weight. This is not true and is not backed by any evidence. On the other hand, there have been studies done proving that the pill does not put on weight. Here is a short article: http://www.wnbc.com/health/6433552/detail.html
And here is a detailed abstract from the study (you need to register to get all of the details): http://www.mrw.interscience.wiley.com/cochrane/clsysrev/articles/CD003987/frame.html
BUT what they have found is that the pill makes women crave food more than usual. THIS is what you have to watch out for. As long as you keep eating healthy, you'll stay the same weight. I would definitly talk to your doctor about getting on the pill if this is all you were worried about.
The alternative is to help him put on the condom. Be creative and/or ask him what he would like you to do to help out.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (31 May 2007):
 hia chick, the pill doesnt always make you put on weight.. it didnt to me, every person if different.. if that is the only way you and your boyfriend manage to have sex then i agree with candy, kiss him whilst he or you put it on, because you kissing him might turn him on.. i hope i helped chick mail me if u wana talk x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): use a female condom, a diaphragm, a i.u.d. or VCF. There are a lot of other options rather than the pill, or condoms. He could even just pull out which is risky, but it's considered a form of birth control.
...............................
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (31 May 2007):
 How about putting the condom on before you begin foreplay? wouldnt ruin the moment then!
Or whilst he does this kiss him and caress his body.
The pill does have some side effects why dont you discuss your concerns about the pill with you GP?
Dont feel pressured to go on the pill if its not something you want to do.
xxx
...............................
|
