| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: The other day I called my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) to see how he was doing and he told me he was on his way to help a female friend and her dad whom just had a car accident. She is an old school friend of his who calls him once in a while. She is divorced and lives with her parents and is finishing her law degree. She called him and he offered to help them. Seems to me she doesn't have much friends. I was upset because it was obvious to anyone that I was sick because of my hoarse voice, but he didn't even ask how I was doing. He have said to me in the past that I get sick so frequently that he can't care for me that much when I get sick. He thought I was upset over him going to help the girl whom I know but don't like very much because she is a little snobbish. I was upset because his friends always get the best out of him but I don't. I mean, if he gets invited to go to the movies by one of his friends he almost always says yes and tells me we have to go to the movies because he almost never gets time to be with them and blah blah. But we go to the movies alone as a couple twice a year because not matter how much I want to go he always has an excuse or tells me how pricey the tickets are. Anyway, after he helped his female friend and father he offered to take her to the different places he had to go to see his clients, because he is an independent sales agent. The problem is most of these people know me, and suddenly he gets to their houses with this new female wich is not me. How humilliating that is for me!! I have specifically told him in the past that I don't want him going out with his female friends in public. In our town a lot of people know us and that makes me look very bad in front of them. He doesn't take me out because "he has no time" as he is a very busy man. He doesn't listen to me or gives me feedback about my problems but listens and gives feedback to his girlfriends when they call him once in a while. I know he is not thrilled about it and he doesn't take thir calls often but he spends a lot of effort trying to look good before his friends like if he needs something form them. The thing is that I got dressed to meet him were I thought he was (at his office) with his divorced girlfriend, but when I called him I found out he was at a fast food restaurant near my house with the girl, knowing I was all alone in my house and doing nothing. I was extremely upset but tried to calm down driving in circles over our town. I was going nuts to the thought of him being there with her having a nice time when he knows I usually spend the days alone in my parents house feeling all lonely because at my age is not easy having friends as most of them are married. I didn't wanted to go where they were because I din't wanted to be hypocrite with them. So I couldn't help myself and I called him and told him I wanted him to meet me in my house right away, but alone. (I just wanted him to drop the bitch) He told me he couldn't because as soon as they finish their meals they needed to go to another client's house: MY EX BOSS'! Imagine your boyfriend going out with his 'sad' grilfriend to cheer her up introducing her to the people who know you very well but have not seen you with him in a while. They would obviously think I was being cheated on because this makes no sense. I called him over and over telling him to stop showing her off and to drop her off at her house. I sounded obviously mad and he was being totally hypocrite over the cell phone so she would not find out. But when I told him I was near (to the fast food rest.) and threatened him to get inside, he went out like crazy looking for me all over the parking lot. (I'm not the type that "makes a scene" when mad but I guess he knew I was extremely upset) At this point he had to tell the girlfriend about me being upset and near, so they went separate ways to look for me all over the parking lot. He started calling me a lot over the cell phone but I didn't answer. I was in my car looking to a distant spot in the fast food rest. and suddenly I look to my left and there was the girl looking at me. I wanted to disappear right away but I couldn't. I didn't wanted to talk to her. She told me they were looking for me and that she dind't wanted to cause any trouble between us (too late). I smiled hypocritically and parked the car but didn't got out of it. I lied so she wouldn't think the argument was over her and I think she believed me. She got into the rest. and told him were I was. He inmediately called me and very cynically asked me if I wanted something from the restaurant. I replied very cynically and ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. The girlfriend went inside and stayed there so me and my bf could talk. He basically told me this girl is about to finish her law degree and he needs to maintain her friendship because of his bussiness. But that's bull because he has two other very close malefriends who are lawyers too. I told him I wasn't an ureasonable person and that if she and her father needed the help that was more tahn OK to help them if he could. He started saying that he doubted that I thought like that. In other words, he has a specific image about me and he acts according to it without even asking me, because he thinks he knows how I am going to react and what I am going to say beforehand. In summary he didn't gave me good resons as for what he did this. We discussed this for a while and suddenly he just left me talking (very disrespectful)and went to his car to leave. So I went to his office and took my things and left his things including my cell phone (because he is the one who pays for it) and the untouched food he bought me on the restaurant. In other words I broke up with him. But I'm sure he thinks this too shall pass because he thinks I have nothing going on in my life but what I have with him: A job, a cell phone, a friend. But this time is for real. I want to specify that I truly don't think he has something with this girl but is the disrespectful behavior his exhibiting towards me that I can't take no more. I remember a long time ago when we where just satrting to go out that I went to a restaurant with a male friend, who's ugly by the way (my bf knew about it and let me go while he was working) Later my friend offered me to go to the movies and I said yes and told my bf over the phone. He got really mad and after that night told me that from that moment on he wanted me to act as a "married woman" and have "the common sense" not to go out with male friends because somebody who knew him could've seen me with the male friend and think I was cheating on him and that was humilliating 4 him. I have since kept my distance with male friends for the sake of my relationship. But it seems he have forgotten about that. Another thing that bothers me and I want you agony aunts to evaluate is that most of the time we see each other he doesn't kiss me, he just smiles and starts talking to me. But when he meets his female friends he always gives them a kiss on the cheek. We've argued a lot in the past over one of his grilfriends who's also a co-worker at a part time job he has on saturdays. She knows me and when I go with him to that particular job she kisses him and just smiles at me like she doesn't know me. In my latin culture it is customary to kiss on the cheek people you know and their partners too. But she is like saying: he is my friend but you aren't. I don't give a damn about this girl but that makes me feel like dirt because he doesn't do anyhting about it. He just stands there giving her all the attention in the world. And that just reinforces her strenght over him leaving me standing there like I don't exist. I've told him that I don't care about her friendship but about how importnat he semonstrates to her or she thinks she is. I would have no problem if she just acknowledges me as she does with him. That denotes respect. Even if they spend the whole night joking about people and things I don't uderstand. But I get there and she just starts talking to him and joking about things looking directly into his eyes, like I don't exists. He doesn't iclude me in the conversation either, but also acts as if I'm not there. He says he knows her and probably she feels uncomfortable in front of me because I'm older than them and have a master's degree and they don't and a lot of senseless crap. Seems to me she feels like the opposite. She is now getting married but they used to like each other when I came along more than two years ago. Bottom line of this is that I dumped him because I can't take no more of his crap treating people like kings and queens and me like his personal assistant. He says I want a teenager like relationship because I just want to go out with him to have fun and that he sees a realtionship in another way. His ideal woman would be one who wakes up very early in the morning dresses like a professional 7 days a week, helps him emailing, filing, going to different agencies, always happy, never complaining, and basically being on call for whatever the thing he wants 24/7 but not getting married just yet because he doesn't want to get a mmortgage because he can't handle the pressure of debts. Also a woman who's there for him when he needs some romantic action. I have had only 2 relationships in my lifetime so sometimes I get confused. I believe if he treats me like this now he will treat me worst if we get married. What do you think?
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broke up, co-worker, debt, divorce, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Move on baby gurl, be free, be happy!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Don't marry him. It will get worse, much much worse.
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A
female
reader, Farris  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 The fact that you have written this much about why it won't work with him tells a lot. And I think you know it too.
Move on and find someone more compatible.
Best wishes.
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