A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have always had a shaky relationship, that has now gone on for almost 2 years, but somehow we always recover from any arguments we have. For the last week we've been on and off, on and off...Just the smallest things would have us wanting a break up, but we would recover, either that day or the next. Today he went driving with his mother, while I went to a birthday party when I got out I asked if he wanted to go to dinner with me...He was playing World of Warcraft and said to not ask him to stop this instance when he already started it... I asked him earilier that day if he always wanted to see me anymore and he responded with "Of course, why wouldnt I" But now I'm not so sure I believe him...Who would put a game before their girlfriend? Advice please ;_;
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female
reader, Farris  +, writes (19 May 2007):
 Can I just point out the fact that if you were in the middle of something (Watching your favourite TV show, or reading a book), you would not IMMEDIATELY drop what you're doing and get in the car... Your reply would be "Just let me finish this chapter", or "Can I finish watching this first?"
The difference is that you don't care about his gaming and he does. I'm not saying that you have to all care about the same things, but you have to recognise that he might have different interests to you.
Now... The important thing that you have to think about here was whether dinner was REALLY that important? You ask whether he chose the game over you. He had already started playing the game before you asked him to go to dinner. If he was playing a game and you felt really unwell, like you were going to faint or something, and he carried on playing the game, then it's obvious which he cares more about, but I'm sorry, to me it just sounds a little like you're being paranoid.
The best thing to do is to sit him down and explain to him how much this upset you, and maybe you can make agreements on when it's not okay for him to be gaming.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, Yuna~  +, writes (18 May 2007):
 I was in the same situation as you, only my bf plays Final Fantasy XI. I think WOW is not as bad as FFXI. I came to understand how it’s addictive. I asked my bf to explain to me about the game. I realize you are always doing tasks with other people. They are real people and are consider friends. They talk to each other and discuss the next time they meet ONLINE. I understand it’s hard to quit once you’ve agree to help a few other people. You don’t want to piss them off. Being an understanding gf, I let him play almost all the time. Until I find it getting between our relationship. On weekends (that’s the only time I get to see him), he would just play and play and I would just sit on the couch with him being bored. When I ask him to go out, he would say he has to finish doing this task first. I waited and waited. I cried. I tried to do my own things, but never helped! All I think about is my bf thinks his online game is more important than me. It’s more fun to him to play his game than hanging out with me.
The turning point was this one day when I told him I wanted to go to this one place. He said yes sure, we can go. I waited hours and finally couldn’t stand it anymore. I show my annoyance being all quiet. After about 20minutes of not saying anything and him asking me if I was alright, I just got up and said: okay, I think I’m going to go by myself now. You don’t have to come. I understand you just started your party. I’ll be back alright? He immediately felt bad and asked if I want him to come along (but I have to wait for another few hours), I said no, it’s alright. Then he said: so when will you be back. I said: I don’t know, a few hours. So I got up, dressed myself all pretty and attractive (like a single girl going out). He looked at me all surprised. And then he puts his arms around me and came and asked me why I’m all dressed up. I said, no reason. This will make me happier will I go shopping. My bf didn’t feel comfortable for me to go shopping by myself looking all pretty, so he said he’ll stop his game right then and went out with me.
I learn that with my bf, I have to make him realize if gaming is more important or spending time with me is more important. We’re much happier now since he stopped his monthly subscription with FFXI. He started playing DDO (Dungeon and Dragon Online). He said tasks are much quicker to do. He still gets to play his online games with his friends, and able to stop when I ask him to.
I hope my experience will help you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 May 2007):
 World of Warcraft is a VERY addictive game. The biggest problem with it is that when you are playing it, you are playing with other people. That means that once you've started a game (an instance usually) then you can't stop without letting down lots of people. Many instances are 10 or 20 people, meaning you'll upset 19 people all at once by stopping! It makes it hard to stop playing. I know people who play 40 hours and more a week, and have broken up marriages and families because of the game.
I suggest that the two of you set some rules / expectations about his game playing. Then when he plays he can play 'guilt free'. But that has to combine with him being with you and giving you the attention you deserve when he is not playing.
Expect some resistance from him. One thing about addiction is that addicts get angry when the focus of their addiction is discussed. It's a touchy subject because they don't want to admit that they are addicted, and they also really don't want the focus of their addiction to be taken away from them.
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A
female
reader, candy852 +, writes (18 May 2007):
immature thats the keyword some guys just dont mature but maybe you been controling him some what and he just wants a little space give him space and don't expect all the time for you some guys want space like us!!!!!i hope i helped you..............:)
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A
male
reader, Trev +, writes (18 May 2007):
 The problem is he has an addiction and these games are real addictions. You will have to make a stand, to draw boundries on your relationship's do's and don'ts and make real time for each other. Understand that you can't force him to change. Without being overly demanding, ask for his respect to your needs. At the same time, give him time to goof off. Without respect for each other, you're relationship will fall apart. Without his respect your wasting your time.
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