A
male
age
51-59,
*badger
writes:think were gonna split after living together for 6 years creating a home and getting secure ready for marriage and a family. now its time to bite the bullet i dont wanna do it i do love her but im having cold feet. ive been seeing prostitutes once a month how can this be a good grounding for a relationship
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male
reader, bbadger +, writes (4 June 2007):
bbadger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbloody hell what a response and i thank you all for your opinions at the moment we are thinking about having a trail separation, i wanted just to call it a day but we both agree this could be the best measure before actually selling our home and making a clean start without regrets
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): One guy to another . . . you don't love her for a multitude of reasons. You've been dating her for six years, I think you made you mind up a long time ago that she wasn't the right one. You've been staying around for convienance only. Second, if you loved her you would not be seeing prostitutes. Did you ever consider that you could have infected her with some really nasty bugs? That is not thinking about her. . . but yourself. From my point of view, whatever you do don't tell her what you've been up too!! You'll crush this poor gal!!
You need to move on away from her as painful as it will be for both of you. And you need to work on yourself!!
You and I are more alike than you think (although I've not been with someone else while I was dating). I do know that I would frequent "ladies" before I meet my girlfriend and had stopped about 6 months before I got involved with my current gal. I will tell you that I was a scared waiting for the blood test to come back!! I had all kinds of visions running through my mind that I COULD have infected her. Thank God, I was okay because I don't know how I would of told her what I did to myself and potentially to her!! Again thank GOD!
However, to this day I still suffer from an internet porno addiction of which my girlfriend never knew about. I will tell you that this addiction was the root problem that caused me to lose someone very dear to me (we broke up)! After getting through the initial break up and all of those emotions, I realized that I need to work on myself before I can ever get back into a serious relationship.
My advice to you is walk away from her and work on yourself cause you need it. If you don't, you'll eventually wind up into a real mess!
Just my two cents!
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (3 June 2007):
 Its not...Why the prostitutes?
This will hurt more than you can imagine if/when she finds out. If you really love her why go these extremes just coz you got second thoughts on marriage. If you really dont want to go through with it, just bite the bullet and tell her your feelings, but now you have complicated things a great deal.
You now need to talk to her anyway, its the very least she deserves if you love her and whether or not you decide to let her know your secret you need to let her know your fear and anxieties.
R
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (3 June 2007):
 Why have you been seeing prostitutes? Ask yourself this question and find the definite answer. Is your partner not fulfilling your needs? Do you feel the need to sow your seeds? In my experience, you don't hire a prostitutes services if you love someone.
If you're having doubts or cold feet then you should TELL your partner this. A relationship is a two way street, and you really should communicate to her about this.
You said that you didn't want to settle down. Do you mean with her in particular? Or is it just not the right time? Do you EVER want to settle down? These are important questions that you need to ask yourself, and you need to be honest to her with the answers.
It's not my place to judge whether you can love someone and do the things you have done, but you have to remember that she DOES want to be your wife and have your children. If you don't then you should tell her so she can get on with her life, and someday have that family that she wants without you.
I know it's harsh, but it's what you have to do. You'll hurt her less in the long run if you walk away now, rather than spend everyday in a situation you don't want to be in.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): im sorry you say you love your girlfriend!!! you have been creating a home for a family. you've being seeing a prostitute or prostitutes should i say, you've most definatly got to tell her. you can not go on living this lie i feel so sorry for her.
There is having cold feet and just being down right untrustworthy many people have cold feet before they marry but they dont all go out and have sex with strangers, i agree it is not good grounding for a relationship and she needs to no the truth its going to break her heart, But one day in time to come at least she may have the chance to find someone who truely loves her and will be there for her thats the least you could wish for, it is time to stop messing this poor lady around and let her move on it wont be easy for her at all, after 6yrs but its time you did the right thing by her
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