A
female
age
36-40,
*ovelylady2
writes:My heart belongs to a married man, I need help!!We have been together for three years. He was my high school principal. I fell in love the first time I saw him. From that point on, I knew he was the one. One day I had to tell him my feelings, he so agreed with me and confessed his love for me. I was also very close to his wife. I even stayed with her one night when he was out of town and she took me to my ballgame (I was a cheerleader.) I still have nothing against his wife to this day,and miss her..Well all of this came out when I was a sophomore.. His wife then hated me, OF COURSE.. Well he got fired from his job, then i became homeschooled, because if he wasnt there I had no reason 2be there. Sadly but I gave up my cheerleading career which i had received several letters to cheer at 2different colleges. But no, i gave all of that up. After, him being fired, I thought for sure it was over with he and and i and it wasn't!!! I am so crazy about him, he is the love of my life.. forever! We still see each other to this day and even after all of the promises he has promised me that he would be with me and nothing has ever occurred in my favor, he did leave her once and came to live with me for a whole summer. This being played as a second fiddle is about 2kill me.. Ireally need advice!!!!1
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female
reader, Eudora  +, writes (5 December 2010):
I also think you should just let go cuz from what i'm reading it doesn't look like he's ready to let go his wifey!!!!
A
female
reader, moshisha +, writes (20 September 2008):
Ironicly, I can give you the advice that I myself am not able to follow in the exact same situation. I have learned through out my 2 year affair that the hardest person to understand is yourself. I am totally heart, mind and soul in love with my married man and know that he and I belong together, but the reality is that I am 17 years to late. We have a connection that is undescribable and he has never lied to me about his marraige or home life. That puts alot of the blame on me for the situation we have now, I should have walked away before I fell so deep. I know he loves me and he wants to be with me but the simple truth is that is probably never gonna happen, which leaves me to either accept the way things are or decide that I am better than holding the number 2 spot in his life. He has 3 children and a history with her, he has alot of hopes and dreams with me. He feels committed to stay with her and his kids and it is just time to let go for us. I don't know how to do that and I panic everytime I think that time is coming close. I have seperated myself from everything in my life before him, friends and options of dating. He runs the show both at home and at my house. He would never accept me going out to a bar or for sure seeing other guys, so I ask myself why I have grown to be alright with him doing it. I know for sure that I am the only girl he has ever cheated on his wife with and I know it would never happen again. He just found out how much he would have to pay for child support and alimony and since he has started to pull away from me, mony is the root of all evil and it is ultimately gone to be the reason we are not together. I bought him his own cell phone on my plan so we could talk 10 times a day and we have our scheduled days of the week to be together and that works as long as I do not want, ask or expect anything more. We are there retreat form their home and marraige and they do not want to deal with any negativity when they make time to come see us. Theyhave a whole other life outside of us, and some days it is overwhelming. Honestly, I am not even sure if I want him to leave his house for me, I just want him to want me the way he always has. The confusion and the rollercoaster of emotions has totally drained me mentally and today I am asking myself what to do. I am hurt if he stays with me and hurt if he leaves me. Maybe we can help each other...keep in touch
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A
female
reader, got some sense now +, writes (23 September 2007):
I know how you feel and I know where you are at. I have been in a relationship with a married man for almost three years now and it just now came to an abrupt end. Married men never leave their wives. It is that simple. They may be miserable at home or happy with you but, it all boils down to they always stay. My advice to you is to let it go. You are going to be hurt, heartbroken and sad, but you will eventually realize how naive you were because I did. I am not trying to be mean because like I said I am in your shoes. It just gets to a point where enough is enough. There are plenty of single men in the world. You dont need to waste more years away in hopes of him one day being yours. Statistics say that less than 5 percent of married men who really divorce their wives stay with the other women. Thats real talk. I am hurting now but I came to the realization in my life that I want something real and life is to short to keep chasing after a man who clearly doesnt want to be caught!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Misty_Rain +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Married men are bad news! I was sleeping with a coworker who was married...or soon to be married, and at first I had no idea that he was married. But when I found out, it didn't really bother me, because she knew...and didn't seem to care. So we continued to see eachother...and then bad news. Our other coworkers were going around saying that I was pregnant with his child. He quit working there...as did I...and he moved to Florida without ever saying a word to me, thinking that I was pregnant. my advice would be to let it go. Everything in life happens for a reason, and maybe he is meant to stay with his wife. Sorry honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): I really feel, affairs generally involve really great sex, and at least enough sex to create a secret that seals the conspiratorial alliance of the affair, and makes the relationship tense, dangerous, and thus exciting. Perhaps living with you that one summer wasn't as much fun for him? Ever thought of it that way...maybe that summer together was too much like his marriage? Perhaps sneaking around was more to his liking. I dunno..you need to look at it from another point of view. So now he's back with her and you still love him. But is it great to have fun but not at the expense of another woman's marriage and family? Sex drives the heart and women, even intelligent, bright girls like yourself... fall for it everytime. Then in which case..you are not thinking with your brain-your are thinking with your heart. Gets you in a pack opf trouble, everytime. So now, you say you are crazy about him..but you are still either forgetting one importnat point or you just don't care and that point is: He's unavailable. I don't care what you believe, what he might say...he is married and living with a woman he loves. If he loved you, in the most loving, giving , honest way, healthiest way..he'd be with you. He's not. You are just making all this too easy for him..he gets to boink two women and don't believe him if he says he's not having sex with his wife. He is. You know exactly what you need to do, hun. All that you have said in your posting has come down to life 'choices' and none of us can tell you anything to make the break and stop loving this man. You have find the strength to get there on your own. You and he started an affair and by doing that you set yourself on the path to heartbreak. His wife got hurt, he lost his career and now...look what you gave up, just to play 2nd fiddle. No woman deserves to allow herself to be downgraded in life, like that all for a married man? Well..welcome to life as a mistress. I really do feel that you know this is a losing battle. You can keep telling yourself how 'useless' this whole affair is and I think instead of saying it, you need to do something about it. Of course you do realize, this whole scenario and all this could have ended all this-before it started. Hun, just because women pursue married men or are pursued by married men doesn’t mean they have to give themselves up to it. Having a married guy go after you is really a very predictable sad, pathetic occurrence in the lives of many women.
All this is an illusion and you need to learn how to use 'discrimination' in order to evaluate and assess what type of man is good for your life and your future happiness. Reality: any woman who bases her future and life plans on a married man needs to give her 'head a good shake" I don't need to tell you that married people who step out on their spouses and families are self-involved people and are liars. They keep people who do love them hanging by a string. Hun, this guy is not going anywhere. That’s 'why' he’s still married and still with his wife. What surprises me is that many women don't understand one crucial thing when they take up with a married man. Marriage to many men, is much, much more than simply a sexual relationship. It's family pride, it's the children, it's the solidarity of family..that keeps them there. The emotional connections of family run so much deeper then anything else. All that... supersedes you.. He lived with you for one summer and then decided to go back to his marriage. What did that tell you? You are more dispensable, possibly a passing fancy-his marriage and family are much more important. He is not going to risk losing that. This is a no win situation for you. If he hasn't made any more attempts to leave his wife...he never will. Are you prepared to wait it out. What a waste of your time and efforts and this could take years! In the meantime, while you wait for him to decide..you sit and wait and feel sad and like a 2nd fiddle. What a life you have chosen. It is time for you to 'use your head, your common sense, your rationalization' and stop caring so much for this man. It will be hard..it will be like someone stuck a hot poker through your heart. But prove to yourself, you have the strength, the will, the self-respect, the resolve to walk away. Get started on a renewed path in life, where you can begin building yourself a new life, one with a future and with someone who can commit to YOU and puts you number one, top priority in his life. Get your pride/integrity back and dump this guy..today.
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A
female
reader, Farris  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 The best advice I can give you is this:
Make him choose. His wife or you. Neither of you deserve to mucked around, and he needs to choose which one he wants to be with and stick to that choice.
I know it could possibly hurt you, but at the end of the day, you don't want to be second best. If he chooses his wife then move on and find another guy who will commit 100% to you.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Ok from what i have read i dont think he is willing to ever leave his wife and be with you and only you.
you deserve so much more - you have given up a lot for this man and you have got nothing back.
Is it too late to do the cheer leading?
I think you should end things and cut off contact - hard as that may be.
xxxx
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