A
female
age
,
*ock chick
writes:Today my partner has just got back from another weekend away to get away from me.He wants me to move to my mams as things are bad and he doesn't want to be around me.The house is in both our names and i keep refusing to go until he gives me my share, but things are getting too bad.He says he hasn't missed me at all and whilst he is telling me that, he is texting someone else.He also said he didn't particularly want to come home to be near me or have anything to do with me.He has had a go at me as I haven't been food shopping or dug out weeds around the house, and has even said his bank account is going down (i have no access to his money in the bank).He had a fling 6 months ago and says I am like an elephant , never letting him forget it.I don't know what I have done so bad - his attitude towards me has changed in 3 weeks. He is nasty and cold.I left my first husband with the marital home and don't want to do that again.My partner says I am a stalker with uncontrolable jealousy and I have done his head in by ringing him and texting him.He wants me to leave but says he wont change the locks and i can get my belongings once the money has come through - but how can i believe him when he once told me i was everything to him and he loved me and it all changed so quickly
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): The best thing you can do is get some civility back into your relationship. It looks like the relationship is over but you would be a fool to leave the house. Even if he changed the locks you would be able to break in as the house is yours. Changing the locks is no protection in the eyes of the law.
The best thing to do would be to sit down with him and say you accept that the relationship is over, but now you need to put the house on the market and sell it so that you can have your share. Tell him that you will be civil to him and agree a truce. You may be able to negotiate having the house half a week each until then.
If you take a firm stance you may find he wants you back, but who knows what you will want by then. You can't make him want to be with you. You have nothing to gain from hanging on. He has not been kind and is now unreasonable. If you can shock him into changing his thoughts, fine. Read "Love Must be Tough" by James C Dobson. A friend of mine has just done as this book says and her husband has come back to her - but it was very hard and she had to be prepared to lose him
Most important see a solicitor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): Hi Im in the same boat myself,my advice hang on in there,mine walked out today leaving me no money at all but why should he have his own way completely,i told him until you find me somewhere suitable i stay put,i know i havent done wrong either,they always blame us for their shortfalls,sit tight you are the homemaker
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A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Hi I'm a family lawyer in training and can give some basic legal advice...
The law has been clarified by a very important case in the last few weeks. It is now very clear that where a property is registed in the names of joint owners, unless there are very exceptional circumstances (for example, you have kept all your finances seperate over a long period of time) you will each be entitled to 50% of the property. This is assuming you are unmarried however...(you say "partner")
If you are married then different laws apply but a high street family lawyer will be able to guide you easily through this more complex legal framework. You may even be entitled to claim money off your partner for the time you have to spend away from the house before it is sold.
Please contact a lawyer, I know they can be expensive but it could save you a lot of money and hassle in the long run. Some of us also chose to pursue the profession to help people just like you.
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): lawyer, sale end of story! do not leave as once you close that door he will have floozy number two in there faster than you can say boo! this is clearly his plan and it will take a very long time until the legal system gives you what you deserve, in the mean time you'll end up living with mummy or paying rent for years. do not let manipulation of your fragile state make you comply with a bad bad scenario-you have been warned,
good luck
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 May 2007):
 you need to get this house on the market as soon as possible and what ever the house makes is to be split right down the middle. And while you are at it i would ditch this guy, he sounds like a right piece of work to me. You need to find someone who shows you the love and respect that you so rightly deserve. Next time get to know someone inside out before contmplating moving in with them.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Have to agree with all the others on this one sweetheart.
This guy is playing away again without a shadow of a doubt and the whole guilt trip thing is the only way he knows how to try to force you into a corner.
Get legal advice straight away and go to your citizen's advice bureau, if you have money issues at the moment they can give you names of certain solicitors who sometimes give you either a free half hour or hour consultation.
If he is getting this nasty I wouldn't trust him an inch.
Do not do what he wants as he is not calling the shots anymore.
The house is legally in both of your names and I would take copies of all the documents to a solicitor as soon as possible. If he sees that you are not going to role over and play dead then he may treat you differently.
Be aware though that things could end up getting nastier than they are right now.
Say if he wants food in the house then both of you put so much money on the table and either both go shopping or let him do his own food shopping and you do yours and separate everything out if he is going to be that petty.
This guy has already played away 6 months ago and could well have rekindled that again so do not listen to anything he has to say as he is going to do everything to make you want to get away from his nagging and could easily move someone else in that house once you move out and you could then end up having real problems trying to sell the house and get whatever equity there is for yourself.
I am so sorry that this relationship has gone so sour but at least you know now and not when their are children involved or the relationship has gone on for many years to come.
You have a future out there waiting for you so you must stay strong and positive and very decisive. Tell your friends and family about what is going on as well as they will also be a crucial part of your support network and that is important when you feel like s**t.
He is just a nasty piece of work and you don't have to tolerate it anymore OK.
But do get busy and do it tomorrow first thing OK. If you are at work then make an appointment for lunchtime or take the day off and get things sorted out sooner rather than later because if you don't he will believe me.
We are all here to try and help in whatever way we can but don't be the underdog anymore, you are strong and you have the rest of your life to find the man of your dreams as he is out there honest.
Take care and keep us posted eh!!
Keep smiling too OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Get a lawyer and get what is rightfully & legally yours.
Then leave this pathetic excuse for a man, and get on with your life without his abuse.
You are better than he is, because he's acting like a child.
Good luck & Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): You need to sell the house, divide the money and move on. He probably does not have the money to buy you out of the mortgage....
Let this be a lesson of the pitfalls of a living together arrangement with out the legality of marriage, one person can always walk away from their commitment and never look back or give you a thing....and the commitment was never there to begin with or you would have gone ahead and gotten married.
Sorry for your pain, but it will work out....if you take the steps to divide your belongings and sell the house.
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A
female
reader, Annonymous247 +, writes (13 May 2007):
Hey im sorry to here of your situation im only 15 years of age and have been through it myself with my parents!!
its horrible and now they have divorced for good!! they will never get back!!
i think you should confront him and tell him you want your half first before you go anywhere of if he hates you that much 2 move out himself!!
dont let him mess you about or tell you what to do...
Good luck and let me know how you get on!!
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