A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so this is going to be long and drawn out, so bear with me. So, I got out of a 5 year relationship about a month ago. There is a guy that I work with and have been friends with for a few months that started showing genuine interest (I am in my mid 20's he is in his early 30's with a couple kids and divorced). We texted back and forth a lot, to the point I had to upgrade my text plan. So we went out once and I had an amazing time, he wasn't trying to make moves or anything. After this I asked him what he was looking to come out of the two of us. He said a long term relationship, in my opinion prior to not knowing what I wanted. So there was a lot of "beautifuls" and other sweet things in the texts between us. Well my ex came back wanting to try things again and I didn't want to . But I texted this other guy and his exact words were "I don't want you to, but I understand if you want to work things out with him" Completely unbiased and not pushy. The next day I thanked him for not pushing me and listening when I needed him and he said "well in my head I was thinking he's had his chance, so give me mine". Well we made out one day and on the drive back he held my hand in the car. A couple of days later we slept together and he started calling me baby and everything else and told me that he saw us as together and dating, but only if that's what I wanted, which I said I did. He has taken me out to lunch a couple of times and we went to a movie ( we have slept together a couple more times) but the texts have slowed down to maybe a couple a day if I am lucky and the baby's and beautiful's andI miss you's are non existent. But he still wants to hang out with me when he can (he works 1st and 3rd shift so he sleeps a lot). He does give me light kisses on the mouth and face and hugs when I see him. I am just wondering if I have been played or if he is trying to slow things down a little bit because they moved really fast. He takes me to his place all the time and has been very open about his family, kids, divorce, and everything. And he volunteered 90% of this information without me having to ask. I don't feel like he is hiding anything from me, so.... I guess I am just confused. I appreciate any and all feedback on this one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I accidentally updated you all as an unregistered poster, so disregard lol. First, thank you all for your input. There are very large mixed signals going on here that puts it in an even larger gray area. The fact he memorized my birthday (off of my facebook and when I started talking about his birthday, which was last week e told me mine) and has my brand of beer in his apartment and I know I am the only one drinking it and I only have about 1 when I am there, so it's not getting me drunk and taking advantage. And he had this beer there the first time I came over on the premise of only friends. He has had me around his kids, he told me before my ex broke up with me that the only reason he played volleyball was to spend time with me. He works first and third shift through the week and the times we were playing volleyball he was only getting about 3 hours of sleep a day. I have not talked to him since 10am yesterday morning, VERY UNUSUAL, and I texted him last night when he was at work and got nothing back, once again very unusual. Even if he was busy at work he would have texted in between jobs this morning or at least texted by now. Could his phone have gotten backed over by a steam roller ? lol. I will keep you all updated and thanks again :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Thought I would update you all. I have been seeing him for about 3 weeks. I have not heard from him since 10am yesterday morning. I am off work, but a friend of mine is going to pull the "have you talked to her, I have a question about her work and can't get ahold of her" and try to read his reaction. I mean the texts have died off in quantity, but never completely.
Oh and yes the ex broke up with me.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (12 October 2009):
 While there's a possibility he really is just looking to take things a little slower, I think it's more likely he was mostly interested in sex. Certain men are all about sweet talk when you've got something they want but can't have yet. Also, when people tell you their entire life story without knowing you all that well, it's usually a tactic to gain your trust and get you attached quickly. Just be careful if you intend to keep seeing him.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (12 October 2009):
 This one is in that grey area. Part of me thinks you are over reacting and then there's the cautious side of me that wonders why the abrupt change.
Now, is the time he wants to spend w/ you dimishing w/ a bunch of excuses as to why he can't meet. Not 1 or 2 times, but a regular pattern of this? If you are getting played or he has lost interest, then he'll either stop wanting to see you (lost interest or has played you) or only see you a few times (he's playing you or slowly losing interest.)
I wouldn't judge so much the superfiscal things like calling you pet names and what not, I would worry more about the time and the quality of the time that you are spending together.
If you start to sense that he is using you for sex, then cut out the sex and see what happens then.
Did your last boyfriend break up w/ you? Or did he cheat on you? The reason I ask this is because if so, it may make you overly sensitive to things that you blow out of proportion because you are on guard.
There are a lot of reasons why the guy might be backing up a bit. The thought of being the 'rebound guy' could have sunk in or his friends warned him. Do you talk about your ex a lot? Him coming back into the picture definitely may have made him cool off a bit.
Are there things in his life that may be afffecting him? Is he bi-polar?
Also, it seems like he has 'won' in gaining your time and desire so maybe he doesn't feel he has to work as hard at showing you he is interested.
I'm wondering how long you guys have been going out. It is very common for relationships in their early stages to be more romantic and then reach a point of 'normalcy' where the real person comes out.
It could be you are beginning to see what it is going to be like with this guy. It's not gonna be all 'gushy, gushy.' Hopefully it doesn't regress to something far worse. IE go from Baby to Stupid fucking bitch.
The fact is, only he knows or hell, he may not even be aware of this. If he is playing you, it will show itself w/ the obvious signs of him limiting the time that you spend with each other and the relationship not going to the next level.
Keep your guard up and give it time. I hope it works out.
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