A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried,me and my fiance are born again christian and we have been together for ten months now.at first we were fine with each other and and loved one another so much,but these days he becomes too hard on me,he is every day quarraling and says bad things to me.i use to ask him why he is doing that to me and he use to reply that i'm on training so that he can make a final decision whether i'm qualified to be his wife.im nw tired and im every day heart broken..must i be patient with him or shuld i leave him?he changed so much,i do not why..please help!
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male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 I met my wife and for the first year (we began living with one another early) we had 1 argument. I kid you not, 1 argument. Year 2,the 'honeymoon' was over and our true selves came out. All the pet peeves and negative things about ourselves surfaced. Hell, in 1 day we had 2 arguments. Four years later we got married knowing what we had in one another.
My point is that in the beginning of relationships, things are usually good. It is not a good indication of what things are going to be like in the future. The true person comes out in time.
Your bf saying that he is only testing you implies that if you pass the test, then he will be different. This is not true. You are seeing what it is going to be like with this person for the rest of your life. In fact, it will likely get worse.
You have now seen this side of him. It will be the side that dominates your marriage if you do marry him. If you try to break up with him, he may change. But, this will only be temporary. His true self will come back out in time.
Get out now before you take vows that will be harder for you to get out of since you are a born again Christian.
Good Luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): absolutely not. Once again i totally agree with caring guy. And in addition it infuriates me for people to do and say such things while hiding behind religion. Last time i checked, christian means christlike. Never did i read where he verbally abused someone, to test them for discipleship....sounds more anti christ to me. Get out. I was raised in a preachers home..and this is what christ would have called a viper, a whited sepulchre, and a hypocrite.matt. 23:24~33..grrrr...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): I am so sorry you are being treated this way. It must be very upsetting for you.
I don't think you should put up with this. I think his words are very worrying. He is testing you to see if you are qualified to be his wife? And to find out if you are qualified, he has to say bad things to you? What is marriage to him? A job? And if you get the job...what will the marriage be like? I fear it will be even more abusive.
This certainly sounds troubling to me, and I would advise you to not make any serious plans on marriage. Maybe you could try talking to him, and ask him what he wants from the relationship. But it sounds to me like he sees you as someone there to do his bidding, to make him happy. A relationship is about everyone involved. What about your happiness? And if he wants to start viewing marriage in terms of being qualified, well...I certainly don't think he is "qualified" at all. I don't think he is anywhere near good enough for you.
I really hope you are okay in all of this, and that you are able to do whatever is best for you. Don't let anybody bring you down, you are worth so much more than that. Take care. x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2009):
Qualified to be his wife?!!!! Who does he think he is!? A good man will treat you well and not try to change you or hurt you. He's going to abuse you, so you must leave him and find someone else. Good luck.
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