A
male
age
30-35,
*arly
writes:I really hate having sex with my girlfriend because I have... stamina issues where i uh finish early. I really love her though and don't want to disappoint or lose her. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 You need to understand how the sex process works. You go through three levels. A. Arousal. B. Plateau C. Orgasm. Both male and female go through this.
Right now, you're just starting out. Don't add the pressure of trying to make her have an orgasm through sexual intercourse.
For you, you are having a problem going directly from the Arousal to the Orgasm and not spending enough time in the Plateau stage.
So how do you do it. Bunch of ways...Understand that stimulus both mental and physical provides the fuel that moves us along the different stages.
Right now, you have something working against you called anxiety. You need to relax, take deep breaths and approach sex differently. You have to have a positive frame of mind. Tell yourself that you are going to do this, it will happen. Now, it won't happen overnight, it takes time. So be patient and work on taking small steps and be happy for the small steps. And, tell yourself that you are going to enjoy this. Sex is after all meant to be enjoyed.
There are many, many aspects to the mental side of sexual stimulus, but right now I'm going to deal with the physical side.
Ok, so your penis is hard and you're to begin vaginal intercourse. Go slow. You go fast, then you end up overloading your senses and it pushes you to orgasm. While going slow kiss her, suck on her, touch her in different places, rub your feet on her, pinch your feet, do these things while going slow. (The other things have a dual purpose, 1. it helps take your mind off your physical stimulation and 2. pleases her.)
Now, the trick is to learn your body/mind. You know when the orgasm is building. When you can feel it getting to that point. Stop the intercourse. Take a pause. Allow your body/mind to go back down the Plateau stage. This can be how ever long you need. (A lot of times you can go too far down the Plateau to a 'point of no return.' If you go past this point, don't worry, have your orgasm but make a mental note to stop sooner next time. Again it takes time to learn your body/mind.)
Talk to your gf. She may want to pause to. Probably not in the beginning, until you are able to last longer, so assume she wants to still have stuff done to her (you can still ask her though.) Just because you pause the intercourse, doesn't mean you have to pause the other stuff.
You're probably going to have an orgasm fast in the beginning until you get this stuff down. So what. Don't let it phase you. When that happens, take your moment, enjoy the sensation and then go back to pleasing her. You start crashing and feeling all dejected, then that will turn her off tens thousand times more than reaching orgasm too soon. Remember think positive.
As young as you are, you will probably be ready to go again in 1/2 hour or hour, so do other things to her and when you're hard again, do the same process. It is usually easier to maintain stamina the second round, because the sensations are a little duller. That is why people say to masturbate or have her give you a blow job in the beginning and then when you get hard again you will probably last longer.
So that covers a few physical strategies that can help you.
Remember that a good lover doesn't have to be the long dicked Viking who fucks the hell out of the girl. There are more ways to please a woman and all of these ways are what you want to learn to do and explore. The most important thing is to connect w/ your partner and learn what they like. That is why all the people are recommending learning ways to please her besides vaginal intercourse.
Remember to have patience and a positive attitude. Understand it will take time, don't let setbacks get you down. Learn different skills and connect w/ your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): I'm a guy had the same prob when you take a shower get a whash rag have to get hard to do this then put the rag on ur penis and just move it it and up and down but 20 times a day till u last longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): You're probably worrying about it way too much. As long as you don't just roll over and fall asleep when you orgasm, but do other things to please her then it's probably not a big deal for her.
But, there is an exercise you can do. When you feel yourself on the brink... stop (or tell her to stop) until the feeling subsides, then start going again. This (supposedly) helps you become more intuned with the muscels and processes going on when you orgasm and helps you get more control over them. Or something like that. I saw it in a tv show a while back and I can't remember exactly but that's basically the gist of it.
Talk to your girlfriend too. Don't be embarrassed about it. Let her know the reason you orgasm so quickly is because you're so turned on by her and lover her so much (thus getting brownie points too). It's far better for the two of you to work it out together than you being so wound up about it you literally hate making love to the oject of your affection.
Failing all that you can always rub one out before hand so you don't finish so quickly.
Or get really good at oral. She probably won't give a damn then.
I read somewhere that women like that.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (25 October 2009):
 My friend "Tisha-1" chimes in with more great advice, although the excellent book that she referenced is likely "She Comes First," by Dr. Ian Kerner.
In my opinion and that of many others, Kerner's book is the finest modern, written expose about providing female sexual satisfaction since Kama Sutra, and actually better due to specific instructions provided.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 October 2009):
 also if you come fast but also get hard fast again, maybe you should have her give you a handjob or something and THEN get to doing the deed. or, if it's not the case that you harden up quickly again, then there are also c*ckrings that keep you harder for a longer period of time because they cut off a lot of blood flow (or at least I think that's the idea?); my person has enjoyed those in the past
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Learn how to give her her orgasm before you have intercourse, manually or orally. She'll be happy and then so will you. I think there's a book called "Ladies First" or something like that that might have some pointers.
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