A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hope you can help me out because im so messed up. A guy mate of mine has always been a bit strange with me. All throughout college we didnt talk much because people used to say stuff about us and they didnt like us being friends(a girl in particular didnt who has fancied him for ages). We had some good times though because i'd see him out of college occasionally and we werent like the best of mates as he seem to still struggle with what to say to me. But i just put this down to being awkward because of stuff that had ben said. Hes told me numerous of times when thing have gotten "bad" between us or when people have said stuff or when i've thought he hated me that im a great friend to him, we'll always be friends and he loves me as a friend. He has however said to someone who went to our college(but wasnt one of them that had problems with us being friends) that he hated me. However at the time he said that he was going through a crisis(which i wont go through on here), he admitted he said it and didnt know why he said it. He then text me later that night saying that i was a great friend to him etc and he was glad we sorted it, he also now doesnt speak to the guy that he told this to as that guy told me what had been said.Now please dont get me wrong hes generally a nice guy, even people he does hate he will still be civil with, he'll help them out, get on with them.However these past months since we left college have been great, but this last 2 weeks i swear hes ignoring me. Im not sure why i text him to tell him something and never got a reply and since then its been little thing that im possibly taking to far! Like if anyone else sends him a message or something on the internet he will reply however to me he wont. Anyone invites him to join a group on facebook he will yet ive done it twice and he wont.(honestly thats possibly just me thinking to much into it but its all a bit strange) People keep saying hes not worth the effort as its always me making the effort but i seriously dont know. Sometimes hes a quiet and shy guy anyway. I dont wanna loose him he means a lot to me so please dont tell me to just forget about it and moe on because its really not helping, im not sure whether to say anything to him yet but i just need your opinon to help me along the way. Thanks.Oh btw this possibly will not make any difference but i've had 2 of his mates add me, one which has seen me before but like didnt know who i was and ive never met him and the other i'd never met before and it was ovious with what happened that she knew me through this guy. We've always found it hard to talk to each other im just not sure why hes forever changing. A typical guy i suppose lol. Just please give m opinon to what might be going on i feel so lost.
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male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 You are not specific as to how much time you spent w/ this guy past university.
Also it seems like you are hoping for more than just friends with this guy. That you really want this to be a bf/gf relationship.
One of your problems could be that he is sensing that you want to be more than friends and this is something that he is not interested in.
He told you matter of factly that he loved you as a friend, that you will always be friends...Note the fact that the word friend is very emphasized. This is what you tell people when you want to make clear that any amorous feelings are not present.
It is possible that you pushed too far with the guy and now he is giving you very clear signs that he is not interested. He could be involved w/ another girl and this could explain why he is giving these very clear signs.
Here's the reality though. No, you are not taking these things that he is doing 'too far.' These are very obvious signs that the guy is not interested. Not replying to text/emails and not even adding you to a facebook account is clear as a bell. Hey look, I'm very sorry to be so blunt, but you don't want me to lie to you do you? You want the opinion of someone that doesn't have emotions getting in the way.
You say to not tell you to move on as that won't help, but ask yourself...What is it going to take for you to force yourself to go on? What does he have to do in order for this to happen?
Understand that if a person doesn't have it for you then it matters not what you do. You won't be able to change this person. The more you push this guy, the more you create negative feelings inside him towards you. You will end up forcing him to be brutally honest with you, and nobody likes doing this.
But perhaps you need to do this. Perhaps you need to confront the guy and force him to tell you the things that you don't want to hear.
As long as your feelings are wrapped up in someone, then it makes it very hard to ever have feelings for someone else. At some point you will have to give up and realize that this is a lost cause. Hey shit happens, there are a million blokes out there. Your too good of a girl to let one guy keep you back.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2009):
It sounds like he has no idea how he feels about you. This does sometimes happen with men. We get confused. That doesn't mean it gives him the right to behave this way though. I think you really need to talk to him. Genuinly it's the only way to fiind out how he feels about you. Speak to him face to face, sit him down and ask him gently why his feelings keep changing. If he can't answer, don't keep running after him. Let him do some running.
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