A
female
age
30-35,
*injapenguin07
writes:Alright so for the past couple years I've been having trouble at home with my dad and fights every couple of weeks would either result in me getting kicked out for a couple of weeks or me leaving my house for a couple of weeks. Now somehow 3 of my closest friends have found out 2 weeks ago about what has been happening and go pissed at me for not saying anything to them.They know that there is this teacher at school who I look up to and is my role-model. Now they have told this teacher about me leaving home for days at a time because of how my step-dad treats me. I was in denial for a week and generally scared because they just told my favourite teacher! As more time went I started to think that they were lying until a couple of days ago during my routine morning greetings. Our conversation started just like every other day. (Hi, how are you, good etc..) Then he asked me to walk with him, which I did, then we approached an empty classroom, entered it, and thats when he laid down the a-bomb. He was all like "So uhh yeah your friends have told me some serious stuff about you regarding home and such"I replied with.. "oh they have have they"He was like "yeah so are you ok?"And at this point i was so embarassed because I admire this teacher so much, and now he knows that im a loser who cant keep her home problems to herselfI didnt know what to say s I repied with "yeah sir everything is great, don't even worry about anything, my friends are just being stupid, its all fine" and with that I ran away. So far he hasnt brought it up since then.Now heres the thing, I really, REALLY, want nothing more in the world than to confide in him about this, but im too scared. I dont want to bother him with unnecessary things.Ive never told anyone about it, and i still dont know how my friends found out. So what should I do? Should I wait for him to bring it up again?What if he doesnt ask about it again? I really want to talk to him about it, but im way too embarassed to outright say that i need to talk to him.If i cant talk to him about it, than id rather not ever tell anyone.Any advice anyone?
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female
reader, xLovex  +, writes (28 January 2010):
glad to hear your situation is improving :)
A
female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (9 January 2010):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I sure did kitty_3 but only with the help from you guys!
For the first time I honestly feel like I have a father figure who I could look up to, learn from and talk to.
Thanks so much everyone for the encouragement!
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 so i take it you confided in him and it went well?
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (9 January 2010):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThinkgs aren't better at home, and they probably never wil be, but school definately compensates for it! Me and the teacher are tight, more so than before, which really helps when things suck at home. I'm just so thankful for his presence at the school everyday and all the advise he's given me. Thanks for asking LessonsLearned!
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male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (9 January 2010):
How are things going?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): Totally! If your teacher really cares about you, then he wont care.I've had depression problems in the past, and i asked my teacher if we could talk and she was all ears. She gave me a hug telling me that everything was going to be okay. I have a good feeling that your teacher will care just as much as mine did. :] GOOD LUCK!!!
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (11 November 2009):
hope today went okay..x
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (9 November 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday was a no go on account of him being swamped with online homework, tomorrows a no go because of class filming which he's asked my friend and I go go help with. I'll try for Wednesday.
Thanks again everyone so much!
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (8 November 2009):
oh, yay! i'm also extremely happy for you :)
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male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (8 November 2009):
That took guts. I'm really proud of you. Let this be the first in a series of healthy realtionships with men for you.
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (8 November 2009):
I'm soo happy for you and that things have wrorked out :) and im sure you will definatlly feel like a very big weight has been lifted.. yea do keep us updated :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Outstanding! Good for you!
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (7 November 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaza! I did it! I talked to him! Well more like I was taking a walkin the hallway and hes like "Hey, turn around and follow, were going to talk" I was reluctant at first and took a few more steps in the opposite direction, but then I looked up at his face and saw concern and thats when I though, im crazy not to go with him, im mean i look up to him and trust him more than i have anyone else ever, so why not? Plus hes the closest thing I have to a father figure.
You guys were right!
He was really cool about it. We talked for about 45 mins, and on two other days for about 5-10 mins and we have another session on Monday. The talk was really intense but he was able to make me laugh all the same. I got some really good advise out of him.
During our talk, for the first time in my whole life I felt like I had a father who cared about me. It almost brought me to tears.... Almost.
Though I didnt tell him enough to get the full effect of his wisdom, thats what Mondays session is for, and to make it easier for myself my guy friend who knows just about everything is going to help me out.
At first I was horrified that i told him, but now, couple days later im really glad that i did.
It feels really good because i genuinely look up to him, and that fact that he was really cool about it was just so comforting, like he reassured me that I wasnt burdening him, or wasting his time, and he didnt feel obligated in any way whatsoever.
I'll post again after our next talk
Thanks everyone so much for the advise! It really did help in the 3 week process of trying to build up courage!
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (7 November 2009):
i was the annonmous poster.. sorry i havent been on this webbie for a while now and just remembered i wanted to check on how fings are.. and as the other psoters sed the teacher wil be very understanding and i know it is very hard to confide in a teacher.. did u tlk to him and how r u with ur workload now? coz u definatly dont want to fall behind with work especially at ur age (i wud no im 16 lol)
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (30 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionughh. I still haven't talked to him yet. but I have written a note that I plan to give to him on Monday...hopefully if dont chicken out again ... yeah i have also fallen behind in my school work.
.
Thanks for the advise anonymous
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): hi i just came across this question and just wondering how things are now?
I once had a problem that I didnt want to tlk to anyone about but my friend dragged me to talk to a teacher I was on good terms with and in the end it helped a lot. He helped me sort out the problem I was having and helped me with work I had fallen behind in becuase I stopped concentrating with work. So I hope you have talked to him becuase I think he would be really useful and he seems as keen to talk to you as he was to talk to me.
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (25 October 2009):
don't feel embarrassed! he seems to have figured out that you do want to confide in him but can't, so he'll understand any strange behavior around him.just give him an embarrassed smile when you see him; the silent recognition and apology for the event should make everything not awkward.and then, yes, go in on wednesday! i know it's hard (i've done it) but you'll feel so much better afterwards! :)
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (24 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tevote actually i do have a few questions for you!
Kitty_3 yeah i can go into his class before or after
Well today what happened was I was talking to one of the friends who knows the situations and without thinking I was like "It would be cool to get Mr. _____'s advise on this"
Then he started maing plans for me to talk to him afterschool today ... Alas i got cold feet yet again.
So heres what happened. My friend was walking to the office pulling me from my bag... i was in full mode anxiety attack. We got to the office and as hes about to knock on the door I got out of my bag and ran .
I ran almost right into the teacher that we waiting for, so i turned the opposite way and just ran past my friend to a corner under the stairwell where i could calm down.
10 minutes later i decided to try to find my friend who had my bag only to run into the teacher, and again i bolted for the nearest door. I finally find my friend only to find out that he had updated the teacher on my current situation... WOOOW My friend had told me that the teacher thanked him for keeping him updated.
So now monday im on a trip, so my friend is giving me until Wednesday afterschool to talk to the teacher before the teacher confronts me.
I don't know what to do, I feel so embarassed! ARGHHH .
I have no clue how to face him Tuesday
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (23 October 2009):
can you go to his classroom before or after school?
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A
female
reader, Tevote  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 Hi there!Ok i'd like to point out my computer is being a complete turtle head and wont let me write anything on here!I've tried 3 times now to reply to your question and my answer doesn't seem to be showing.I'd like to give you some advice on your situation as i've been through what you're going through before. The complication at home, confronting the problem and having to speak with a teacher about it. Any questions or worries you might have you can ask me about i'd be glad to help, I might be able to help you feel more comfortable about your situation.I understand if you feel you have sufficient advice, and have a handle on the situation. I would be glad!So just pm me if you have any questions or just want to talk. -Tevote
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (23 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Lessons Learned for the advise.
And uh candleman I sorta almost did...
I'd like to point out that he is not a teacher who has taught me, so leaving him a note would be rather difficult.
Alright so this morning I was walking down the hall and I saw him.
He looked at me and was like "Hey, uh by the way hows things?"
And well, I havent been home for a while.
So thinking of yours guys' advise I half shrugged
He then said "I'll always be here for you if you want to talk to me"
Taking that oppertunity I told him really casually that I had to sleep over a friends last night (since Friday to be exact but i didnt say that)
and then he said "We'll talk later about this ok?"
I nodded and continued down the hall.
So now I'm just waiting (in anxiety) for him to bring it up again...but its a start right?
Im just so nervous I mean, Im not really what you'd call a face to face speaker...when a confrentation occurs my usual response is to run away from it and refuse to talk about it until it blows over, im not very good with one on one.
Thank you all for all your great advise and support!
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (22 October 2009):
I don't wanna get into all the psychological reasons why it's important you talk to your teacher. You just need to be able to learn to take a chance and trust someone. You were let down by your father, then your stepfather. You need to make a connection with a positive male influence in your life. It's okay. Just try it again. Here's a way to cheat if you can't do it in person. 1. leave him a note like "I need to talk to you but I'm embarassed about talking about my personal life. I'm having problems, do you think you could listen after class?" That way, you can just leave it on his desk and not have to face him. 2. Have a friend ask for you. Your friend can explain your situation and he will already be up to speed before he even talks to you. He will NOT think you are a loser, he will feel glad that a student trusts him enough to let him be at least a sounding board. Were waiting for you to do the right thing here. Here's to hoping you do.
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male
reader, Candleman +, writes (22 October 2009):
 Just thinking of you. Have you told him yet?
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male
reader, Candleman +, writes (20 October 2009):
Did you want to share your problem w/ us here? Its good to get these things out you know. Get others opinions. Other than that, all I can do is prod you to talk to him tomorrow. What if he never brings it up again? You just gonna hold everything inside? What is the worse thing that could happen to you if you talked to him? Seriously, what do you lose by talking to the guy? You say the respect for you? Trust me, that's not going to happen. Look, I have a teaching degree, my mom's a teacher. From experience, I know there is no way this guy is going to look down on you or lose respect for you. Do you realize how hard it is to be a teacher? How often times you question if you are ever making a difference in the lives of your students? By trusting in this man, you will be giving him meaning in his work, more meaning than teaching equations, or english or history or whatever he teaches. Instead of looking down on you, he will be keeping an eye out for you. Rooting you to success, encouraging you...Even if he does this now, you won't lose this. It will increase from him. You owe it to yourself to confide to this guy. Keeping stuff inside can only hold you back.
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (20 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI couldnt do it today .
I just couldnt....
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (19 October 2009):
i agree. you should definitely confide in him, as he seems to care about you and your well-being.
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (17 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks "Candleman" for the advice. To clear things up...I do not have a crush on this guy, I just look up to him.
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female
reader, Ninjapenguin07 +, writes (17 October 2009):
Ninjapenguin07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advise "Old Guy" I really appreciate it!
The hardest part will be working up the courage to ask him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): He sounds like a good guy, and he'll understand that you're reluctant to talk about it. You do need some adult help with the situation. And your teacher has proven that he's willing to help. Don't sweat that you blew him off the first time. He will understand. If you want his help, ask him. He'll be more than glad. It is *not* an unnecessary thing.
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male
reader, Candleman +, writes (17 October 2009):
Before I begin, I just want to say that if you have a crush on this guy, more than just someone that you look up to, then do not expect this guy to be your savior in that fashion.
Now that that is out of the way...
Don't be embarassed to confide to this guy. That is one of the roles of a good teacher and that is to be there for you when you need them. In fact it will make him feel good that you have the confidence in him to confide your problems.
Your teacher is not going to look down on you. He will understand. In fact, he will respect the fact that you have the courage to come to him. A lot of people would not have such courage.
The sooner you speak to someone the sooner you can get help with your problems. So do this first thing Monday.
But, please understand this. I'm sure this guy can and will help you, but he may also refer you to the school psychologist. So don't feel let down or freaked out if this is what he does.
Keep in mind that a school psychologist is trained specificially to help people, where teachers are trained to teach. One of the biggest reasons people see a psychologist is because of stress in their life. So even if he doesn't refer you to the school psychologist, you should go and talk to that person as well.
In addition to this...you can always write out your problems and get advice on this site. Don't do this and not talk to your teacher. You need someone directly in your life that can help, but its always good to get other opinions in life's problems.
At the least....Monday... talk to the teacher..
Best Wishes
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