A
female
age
30-35,
*hristian
writes:I am 20 years old and have been with my bf for 2 years. before we got together i enjoyed sex alot. but now i hate it we start and after a few min i ask if he is almost done. i hate oral sex and i hate for him to touch me. i thought maybe it was him so i left him and it was the same with a diffrent guy. i just hate sex now...and kissing to.
View related questions:
kissing, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (24 October 2009):
 It does happen that people become asexual. Meaning they dont want sex. I knew this guy who absolutely hated the idea of having sex. It was a disgusting thought to him. He was attracted however to women and just wanted to be with someone but have no sexual relations. These people exist.
You say you dont have sex often and when it does it hurts. One of the main things that help for sex to be enjoyable is to have an excited body. If your body isn't aroused, either mentally or physically, you are setting yourself up for a bad experience. Perhaps, if you are looking for maybe tips on how it can be less painful, is to use more foreplay. Instead of having his penis inside you, concentrate on other things that will stimulate you to climax. Explore that first really. That might help you relax and become more aroused for his penis when you are feeling ready if you ever do.
If however you are not wanting of this, that is perfectly ok. Know that you are not alone and that there are people who do not want sex, but would prefere a relationship asexually.
HonningKanin
A
female
reader, Christian +, writes (24 October 2009):
Christian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i dont hate sex with him i just hate sex. i love him so much and when he is at work all day and night i miss him and stay up and wait for him to come home. its just when i think about sex its like some thing i dnt wnt to do like going to court or for a girl geting a yearly pap. we dnt have sex that much so when we do it hurts so that makes it worse. i just wnt to wnt to have sex cause it makes him mad when he goes weeks.
...............................
A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (24 October 2009):
I have a question to ask really. Is this desire not to be intimate and touched by your partner also stem out to other people? Are you ok with girls touching you? Children or even parents?
If it is this desire not to be touched by anyone it sounds like, and I am by no means an expert, you have an issue with personal space. You may have developed aphephobia.(The fear of being touched) Its not always a down right fear, but when you start avoiding things and do everything to avoid it, its pretty much the same thing. If you do, it could stem from something that happened to you. Quite possibily though it could have just developed without any stemming issues. Without further information it would just be speculation as to why. You would need to speak to a proffesional about that.
If however it is just men whom you dont like to be touched by, thats a whole other kettle of fish. I mean you may go with what one of the other posters have put up which states you are a lesbian, or you could possibly asexual. I mean there are people out there that simply dont like the act of sex. Not out of religious belief or anything, but just because it simply isn't appealing or of pleasure. These people are still natural and they do still happen. But again there is not really enough information to go by so we are just guessing here.
You will however need to tell your current partner what is going on and how you are feeling. I am sure he cares about you and will want to help you through any problems you are having. I hope he will support you and hopefully there is a solution. I would suggest counseling because they are well equipped educationally to determine whats up.
I hope and wish you luck here
HonningKanin
...............................
A
female
reader, Christian +, writes (24 October 2009):
Christian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been with a girl before and that was worse i felt so unclean and she was my best friend and after that i could not be around her. me and my bf thinks it might be depresson cause i have other symtoms too.
...............................
A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (24 October 2009):
 In order to fix a problem, you have to be able to define it. Once it is defined, then you develop a plan or set of plans to try to fix it. Right now we have part of the definition. You hate sex. The goal is to try to figure out the because. You hate sex because.... Now it could be that you need to put your bf's name in this equation. You hate sex w/ 'Billy' because.... You say, "Yeah, but it carried over into the next relationship." True, but if your issues did not have enough time to resolve w/ 'Billy' then you will carry them into the next relationship. You will need to cleanse yourself of 'Billy' in order to move on emotionally. That's why when people break up the memories of and feelings for the former partner are alive in many things, including sex. It takes time to cleanse this. So the first thing to look at would be your relationship and feelings for your bf. What issues are there besides this that bother you enough to where it can make you hate him? (Because your real question could be "I hate 'Billy' because.) Analyze your relationship and see if it logically makes sense. That turmoil in the relationship coincides w/ this feeling of hating sex. To do this, you need to pinpoint when you started to hate sex w/ your bf. Write out a time line. On the top put when you started hating sex w/ 'Billy' and on the bottom chronologically list your relationship problems. Now, it could be that 'Billy' is an insensitive or even an overly sensitive lover so look at the question "I hate sex w/ Billy because"...and think of what it is about sex w/ Billy that you hate. It could be you carried this emotion over into the next relationship, or the other person did the same things or similar things that turned you off. If you are able to pinpoint this feeling w/ specific things in your relationship w/ your bf then these are issues that need to be addressed. If they can't be resolved w/ your bf, then you need to break it off and give your self time to heal from the relationship and/or wait and create a stronger bond with your new partner before having sex. If it is something in your bf's method, then address precisely to him what it is that you do not like and go from there. Perhaps you need to overhaul your entire sex life to put more fun and/or intimacy into it. If this didn't get anywhere, then we're back to 'You hate sex because....' I've gotta stop now because the amount of possibilities is vast and I would need more info. I would consider if you are depressed or bi-polar (look up the definitions for these and see if it fits.) This might rub you the wrong way, but I would ask you if you have homosexual thoughts? I could go on forever, so I'm gonna stop. If you want me to think more on this, just reply back and we can go from there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): What exactily do you hate about it?
Is it the idea of being with a man? You might be a lesbien. If so then this was always going to happen. Nobody chooses their sexual orientation and thus nobody can deny it. You should try being with a woman and see what happenes
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (24 October 2009):
 How unfortunate, because sex is (or should be) one of the great gifts in life. This situation must have something to do with your partners, or their skills. You are still very young and may yet learn to enjoy with the right partner.
...............................
|
